The Christmas season is a fucking depressing time of year. Statistics show there’s no time of year worse for making you feel completely alone and empty than now. At least Valentine’s day only reminds you of what an asshole you are for not having a mate. Christmas is the perfect time to remember that everyone including your family hates you and that you have no one who’d miss you if you were gone. Plus the music they play in malls … yeah, that’s probably the worst.
Some people deal with their issues by taking anti-depressants, others by shacking up and not leaving the house for a while. Others do copious amounts of illicit narcotics then go on a rampage through Sao Paulo with a kitchen knife, stealing cars, crashing them, and then getting arrested.
And then they die under mysterious circumstances:
“Ryan was sent to the 91st PD, after having toxicology exams done at the central IML at around 2:30 am. He arrived at the police station in Vila Leopoldina at 3 am. According to the officer on call of the 15th Police District police officer Daniella Ranna, where the athlete’s case was registered for having tried to steal a motorcycle, he was sent to the 91st DP because it is a traffic station. From there, he would have been seen to the “most recommendable” location.
According to the Secretariat, at around 7am, when policemen at the station were checking the cells with their detainees, they found the fighter fallen in a corner. They entered and confirmed that he was dead. At around 10 am, coroners were already at the location to do the necessary exams and send the body to the institute.
So let’s speculate on what happened. Here’s the possibilities as we can see em:
Suicide: Yeah, that’s the obvious one everyone is speculating. The dude just did some pretty heavy shit … he was already the black sheep of the Gracie clan so perhaps he offed himself to avoid the wrath of his family. Plus, Christmas season and all that. The only thing worse than Christmas jingles is Christmas samba remixes.
Drug Overdose: Pretty much all the reports say that Ryan was acting crazy, but who knows if this was drugs or just Ryan being Ryan? It wouldn’t surprise me though if the coroner rolls Ryan over and pulls a popped clown balloon full of cocaine out of his ass.
Police Brutality: The police report covers all the general facts regarding Ryan’s arrest and jailing. But mayhaps they forgot to mention 20 minutes of wacky whacking with nightsticks that occured between those two events.
Prisoner Brutality: If you think ‘South American Police’ sound scary, think for a second how scary ‘South American Prisoners’ sound? I personally had a vision of Ryan Gracie alone in a single cell, but most likely he was stuck in a cell with a bunch of other bad motherfuckers. Gracie Jiu-Jitsu is good, but is it enough to keep 10 big guys from stabbing you in the throat with a shiv?
We won’t know for sure what happened to Ryan until the coroner’s report comes out. We might not even know then … if it was police brutality, it wouldn’t surprise me if Ryan accidentally gets cremated or eaten by wild dogs while the coroner is out back smoking a cigarette.
**UPDATE** As per jackal Higgz’s suggestion, we’ve added Prisoner Brutality to the list of ways Ryan might have died. Good thinking, man!