Fightlinker reader Prozac for Life beats me out on the funny-meter with his top eight suggestions for fixing the IFL. I made a slight tweak to one idea in order to meet federal requirements for homosexual references on this site.

  • Nullify UFC’s Roger Huerta effect and beat the UFC into Mexico. Appease the locals with familiar customs, perhaps settling fights that are too close to be called with the use of blindfolds and piñata sticks.
  • Ben Rothwell in a wig to kickstart the IFL women’s division.
  • Take Japan’s “freakshow fight fixation” to the next level. Forget Giant Silva, Hong-man Choi, and Zulu. How about a perturbed grizzly bear vs a full class of over-caffeinated preschool toddlers?
  • Distribute beachballs to the audience for a more festive atmosphere.
  • Nothing generates publicity like a sex tape scandal. Maybe it’s time for Bart Palaszewski to get caught in the act with Chris Horodecki and take one for the team. This guarantees better sales than the IFL’s “Knockouts” DVD, especially if Chris does his “Polish Hummer” move.
  • 1-up the UFC and move to a 9-sided cage; “Let’s get it on in the nonagon!”
  • Make the fighting area somewhat resemble an obstacle course, perhaps even containing a number of trick mirrors and a moat.
  • Double the number of people interested in the IFL by getting women to watch it; somehow infuse it with babies, celebrity dancing, tampons, and romance while keeping it action-packed.

Well, it’s as official as it’s gonna get without showing up on UFC.com:

White said he’s not going to strip Sherk of his lightweight championship because he is fed up with the California Athletic Commission’s handling of Sherk’s steroids case.

[Dana] said Penn and Stevenson, who said he learned on Tuesday that he and his wife will have another son, will fight for the interim title as the main event of UFC 80 in Newcastle, England, likely on Jan. 19.

Interim belts are pretty stupid in the best of scenarios, and in this case it’s an outright fraud. Since Dana is saying he’s not going to strip Sherk, this fight is nothing more than a glorified #1 contender bout. I bet you BJ Penn’s looking like someone pissed in his pineapple. Stevenson … he’s barely a real contender for the #1 contender spot so I imagine he’s just happy to headline a big show.

**Update** Here’s Kevin Iole talking with Steve Cofield about the whole kebab. LOL at Iole calling them ‘Nanabolic steroids’. But I ain’t holding it against him … I can’t even say EliteXC properly.

I’ve said it before: the Bush administration should hire Dana White because he’s fucking awesome at talking out both sides of his mouth. I don’t know anyone else who can say he’s never disrespected someone and then imply they’re cocksuckers in the same sentence. We’ve seen it with Randy, and we’ve seen it with Ken Shamrock:

“Now, I have never ever dissed Ken Shamrock,” White stated. “I actually always liked Ken and Ken and I always got along well. Where he’s coming up with this crazy (expletive) – he must be broke again.

“I’ve never said anything negative about Ken. So for Ken to come out of left field with psycho craziness and that I’ve lied to him and I’ve done this- I made Ken Shamrock a multi-millionaire again. I guarantee that didn’t happen over at the IFL.”

This is what I love about Dana White: he can take the fact that you worked for him and turn it around like he did you a favor. Did Ken Shamrock and Randy Couture make millions off their fights and appearances in the UFC? Fuck yeah. But how many freaking millions did the UFC make off of that shit?

The UFC isn’t *giving* these guys money. These guys work for the UFC. In exchange for that work, the UFC pays them money. There’s no fucking favors involved … if the UFC didn’t think they were going to make oodles of cash off these guys, they wouldn’t be paid like they were. And you better believe the UFC made money off them.

Simply put, the UFC should be respectful of the fighters they’re making money off of. And this is where there seems to be a huge goddamn disconnect between Dana White and half the fighters on his roster. It seems like every time a fighter hits the point where their name value is greater than the UFC’s, there’s problems. It makes me puke in my mouth to make the comparison, but it’s the whole Vince McMahon “I made you, you didn’t make me” attitude.

Randy Couture is getting an ass-raping in the court of public opinion because his numbers don’t add up. But as he initially said, it’s not really about the money, it’s about the respect. I don’t see why it’s so hard to look past what the UFC has done self-servingly to make more money off fighters, and ask “Does the UFC treat people well? Is Dana White a respectful individual?”

I gotta say, the more I read from Dave Meltzer the more I like the guy. Meltzer has been the average fight fan’s Jesus for years … just attribute a quote to him and it’s gospel. Of course, half the shit he used to report was only available through a for-pay pro wrestling newsletter (eeew), which led to many people just making shit up and passing it off with “Meltzer said it”.

And while I hear Davey boy is still doing his Wrestling Observer thang, I now get to read a lot more of his work over at Yahoo. And that shit is good. His latest column is a great summary of everything the IFL has done wrong. If you don’t feel like reading it, the IFL’s situation is summed up in this one paragraph:

Larkin noted all sports leagues are going to lose money with startup costs, and that the current owners of UFC lost $44 million over four years before turning a profit. But UFC struggled until getting its Spike TV deal, and then its fortunes turned around immediately. IFL had a national small network deal in its first full year.

If you don’t know what the ‘fatty beating incident’ is, go here now. If you do know about it, Ben Rothwell has finally said something about it:

Rothwell beats up fat kid!?!?!? ya, here is some people who love to bash me for this. The year was 1999 and i drove to Clevland,OH to fight in a 4man amuture tourny. I did not pick my opponent, in fact he begged to fight me if you can believe it. that was my first fight ever and I was scared getting in the ring with 3,000 people watching. sorry it happen but fuck, what am I going to to about it now???

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