Hello everyone and welcome to the TUF6 Finale live blog. Yeah, I know the typical point of these liveblogs is to keep poor fucks who can’t afford the PPVs informed, but we’d like to think of this as a public service for the poor people of Europe etc who don’t get Spike and need some Manswers regarding the TUF finale. Plus, I knows you all just want a bit o flavor with your UFC. So sit back, watch the show, get your refresh button ready, and we hope to keep you occupied during the commercials!
9:00 THe UFC has moved on to a nifty black background / high contrast fighter motif. Gone are the days of the squirt bottle greasy fighter. Oh yeah, they ask if the FARMBOY’S GONNA DEVOUR THE VEGAN???
Now they’re updating everyone on Serra’s back and how GSP is filling in. It’s weird … the TUF narrator has never spoken this much, and his intensity ain’t quite there.
9:01 Oh great … the gladiator isn’t just for PPVs. Tommy Spears says “He’s smaller, so I should win” … yeah. No.
Clay Guida looks like he permed his hair. He says he’s going to beat Huerta like Huerta beat all his opponents. Guida just sucks at trash talking … even his challenges are complimentary to Huerta
9:03 New Rule: Crowds shouldn’t be allowed to throw ‘horns’ or ‘peace symbols’
Joe Rogan looks like he forgot his hairgel. They’re playing up the ‘Tommy is big, Mac is tiny’ angle … guess they’re trying to make us forget that Mac has like a zillion more fights.
They’re saying there’ll be a major announcement by Dana White … it’s either the TUF7 coaches (Forrest and Rampage, duh) or that they stripped Sherk of the belt and Penn vs Stevenson is for the LW title.
Jared Rollins is ‘technically sound’. I think this is the first time they haven’t said someone has ‘world class’ skill. They just showed Ben Saunder’s record … he has 2 ties with so few fights? weird.
9:08 SPIKE tries to get us addicted to World of Warcrack and offering it ‘for free’ … yeah, the first taste is always free you fucking dealers. This better be considered part of the 14 minutes of ‘commercial time’ an hour TV channels are allowed to show.
9:10 Holy fuck … the first 30 mins are commercial free because of Warcraft? I take back everything mean I’ve ever said about Blizzard! All hail Blizzard!
DAN BARRERA VS BEN SAUNDERS
Brought to you by RAMBO! Yeeeeeah. Saunders has like half a foot of extra reach on him. I like how there’s no walk out bullshit too … get right to bizniz.
Ben’s nickname is ‘Killa B’. I now want him to lose. Barrera’s record is 1-0 … the experience of the fighters for this season is just mindblowing.
Barerra pushes Saunders up against the cage and then takes a knee to the face after touching Saunder’s penis. Saunders avoids a takedown and they’re back up against the cage … Barerra just won’t let go and give up on this shit. He takes a couple more knees as a result and Saunders sprawls hardcore to the ground and tries to take Barerra’s back. Saunders is on the side of his back with a hook nearly in for 30 seconds but he’s against the cage so he can’t quite get right on and ride Barrera like a pony.
Looks like Saunders just dropped an illegal elbow but hey what do I know. He pulls the arm from a near keylock into an armbar attempt but Barerra pulls out and is on top now. Saunders has rubber guard until Barerra pulls back for a punch. Now Saunders is in butterfly guard and Barerra just doesn’t seem to know what to do. Shades of high school sex experiences flitter past my vision.
Waiting for the ref to restart this shit, but the round ends first.
Winner: Saunders is clearly more skilled, and I think he should have won it but Barerra spent over a minute and a half on top so who knows what the judges will say?
Rogan and Goldberg talk over the cornermen giving advice. Who gives a shit what they’re saying, right?
Barerra jumps on Saunders and gets back control … Saunders yells at the ref about something and then does a roll into butterfly guard and traps Barerra’s arm. I’m starting to realize that Saunders has skills, but not enough to actually finish Barerra off any time soon. Saunders slides to the side for some kind of submission but misses it by a million miles. People are getting restless. The ref stands them up
Saunders tries the big flying knee but Barerra drops under it and misses the most of it. I have no idea what’s going on now … Saunders has Barerra’s back from side control and transitions into an arm bar but Barerra slips out … Saunders got excellent basics but can’t seem to lock anything in. Barerra is back on top doing the light tappy tap punches. Ref stands em back up with 30 seconds to go.
Saunders kicks Barerra in the face when he went for a shoot. Saunders has back control but rather than climb up he’s staying north south and punching Barerra in the face. Barerra pushes Saunders against the cage and Saunders steps in and locks a hook in. End of round
Winner: Saunders again. Barerra ain’t got shit except enough JJ defence to stay in the game.
Saunder’s corner says Barerra’s all about the lay n pray. Barerra’s corner says “YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR LAY N PRAY.”
Hey, EDITH IS BACK AS RING GIRL!
Saunders punches Barerra a bit, Barerra … SHOOTS! I’m so surprised. Saunders sprawls and takes Barerra’s back AGAIN. I’m getting a serious case of Deja-vu. But now Saunders has his back completely with a leg triangle. Unfortunately I don’t think Saunders knows what to do now … that bastard Barerra knows just enough not to fall victim to a rear naked choke.That doesn’t stop Saunders from trying to get the choke in. Yeah .. nowhere fucking close. 3 minutes left on this round. I’m tempted to go take a bathroom break.
Barerra is flopping around like a fish outta water. Saunders rides Barerra like a mechanical bull. Yee-haw. Barerra gets back into top position and Saunders is in butterfly again. Rogan says “Aspiring fighters, take note of what Saunders is doing” … this is now officially an amateur instructional.
Ref stands them up, Saunders kicks Barerra in the face when Barerra shoots. Deja vu, deja vu deja vu. Saunders sprawls and Barerra pushes him to the fence. Barerra does an awesome job of nothing as the fight winds down and is over.
Winner: Saunders again. Barerra’s got nothing in his toolbox.
Saunders gets hug crazy … he hugs Barerra like 3 times, probably thankful that Barerra didn’t learn any finishing skills over the last few months.
30-27, 29-28, 30-27 for Saunders. It’s official: there is one retard judge on the panel tonight. A bead of sweat rolls down my forehead re: the GUida/Huerta fight.
Saunders says “I tried to finish him, but it’s HARD” … and this is against a guy who sucked balls. Well, maybe he’ll be more entertaining against a guy who is’nt just a lay n prayer.
9:35 THere’s a Hatton/Mayweather commercial showing. Iiiinteresting.
9:37 They’re pimping the Chuck/Wand fight by prominantly featuring Chuck knocking Randy Couture out over and over. Classy.
9:38 Rogan is talking to Matt Hughes … they spend most of the time talking about the switch from Serra to GSP. Oh man … Matt said he prayed about the decision to take the GSP fight. I’m glad to hear God has a sense of humor.
9:40 Goldy calls Hughes a ‘future hall of famer’ which would be bad for the UFC because the trend is for all the Hall of Famers to hate the UFC’s guts.
9:41 I have a feeling Billy is being fed to George in the hopes that the UFC can ride George into Australia with an Oz Bisping.
GEORGE SOTIROPOULOS VS BILLY MILES
Billy comes out blazing with punches … George defends and gets Billy into a headlock and pushes Billy onto the ground. Billy turtles for about 30 seconds , they roll and George has Billy flattened out now and is wailing away. Billy gets back to his knees and George lets a hook go to try and find a submission. Ooooh … he’s got a waist triangle … and he’s got a choke. And it’s over.
George has some fucking skills.
9:47 During the post fight interview George admires Billy’s turtling ability. On his way out of the octagon he punches the camera while shadowboxing. Oops.
9:48 They’re showing us a Richie Hightower fight? Jesus.
9:49 Man, it’s NOTHING but video game ads. I’m not gonna complain because they’re the only commercials which aren’t painful to watch, but still.
RICHIE HIGHTOWER VS TROY MADALONIZ
Troy says he ain’t losing to no guy with a peacock hairdo. Goldberg says Richie used to be 265 pounds. I wanna see pictures. Richie says “My inspiring story continues…” BARF. Yes, anyone can be a total fucking loser! How inspiring.
Richie Hightower is “The Dirty Samurai”? Why not “Skidmark” or something classy?
These guys are swinging hard with both landing some good shots. Troy tries to take things to the ground but Hightower reverses it and takes troy down. They get back up and scuffle … Richie is fucking going hardcore and fast but takes a brutal punch to the face which stuns him a bit.
Hightower catches a takedown and controls Troy, pushes him to the fence and lands some knees. They’re tied up now, Troy’s holding onto Richie and holding him to the fence. RIchie escapes and swings for the fences. My dear jesus … I’m starting to respect Richie Hightower. More punches from Richie, but Troy catches him with a knee. Richie is starting to slow down and Troy seems like he’s warming up.
Troy pushes Richie up against the fence and throws some small knees to the thighs. They’re standing there for a while, like a minute. They split, and Richie lands a few good punches. Troy lands a crazy fucking jab and knocks Richie out.
Troy does a little hawaiian dance as they cut back to Hightower, who’s bleeding from a cut above the eye pretty badly.
10:00 Troy says “I got no ground game” His next opponent takes note. They’re showing the brutal finishing punch … pretty damned sweet. Troy sounds like BJ Penn … do all Hawaiians sound the same when they’re excited?
Troy and Richie go hug crazy … Richie kisses Troy. How sweet.
10:02 Man … these World of Warcraft commercials are starting to wear me down … must play WoW.
10:03 Wait … must … see … RAMBO … kill … random … asians
10:04 Hey, a birth control pill that causes less periods. And they’re marketing it to MEN! This is so fucked up. http://www.seasonique.com/men
10:06 Forrest Griffin interviews the Foo Fighters. Things are getting weirder. I like how they gave Forrest a mic but everyone is seperately mic’ed. The Foo Fighters are claiming they play Halo. Dave Grohl sure. That other band guy … no.
10:07 Another mention of a huge announcement from Dana White tonight + an announcement at the Video Game awards. Wait, is that the same announcement again? Or another big announcement. Jesus … so many announcements!
10:09 They’re showing the WEC commercial … fuck that event looks awesome. And no, I’m not liveblogging it. That one is all about getting drunk, covered in vasoline, and just ENJOYING IT.
10:11 Win a copy of OCTAGON signed by Dana White. I mean fuck, who wants it signed by the photographer? What the fuck did that guy do anyways?
10:13 It’s Jon vs Jared in the battle of the Upper Decker. This is the only fight I’ve ever heard of which is being made over poop.
JARED ROLLINS VS JON KOPPENHAVER
Jared takes down Jon, Jon gets back up and takes Jared down against the fence. Whole lotta nothing going on now … Jon gets back up, drops down for a punch, and they’re back with Jared closing guard. Jared throws some elbows from the bottom. More elbows from the bottom. They look pretty damned vicious. And more elbows. And MORE elbows. Rollins is happy holding on and just letting loose with some elbows from time to time. We’re into 2 minutes of this. The last 30 seconds Jared goes crazy with elbows. Someone is bleeding like a stuck pig. My guess … Jon.
Will the battle over bodily fluids end because of bodily fluids? We’ll see after these commercials.
WINNER OF THE 1st ROUND: Jared
Both fighters are apparently cut. Jon on the head. Jared by the eye. They move forward and are throwing like apes. Jared tries a throw but ends up on the bottom. Jared loads up for some elbows and Jon blocks it. Fuck, there’s so much blood. Jared keeps working the elbows. More elbows. MORE ELBOWS! Dear fucking lord, more elbows. Now Jon works on Jared’s side. The crowd chants WAR MACHINE.
More elbows. Ref stands it up and they’re throwing. Jared throws a flying knee that taps Jon. Jared shoots and is on top. Now lets see what happens when he’s in control. Not much apparently. The ref’s calling for action. Jared says Okay and rolls jon over and keeps pounding. Jared’s in half guard. And now he’s in side control. Now he’s got back control and is trying to get a choke. Lets it go and is back in side control. Knee on belly. Mount! Back! Fuck. Rollins is going for the choke but no dice. He’s back in half guard now with 30 seconds left. Jared throws punches from the top and is beating on Jon. Is this the end of Jon Koppenhaver? 10 seconds left. Steve Mazzagati doesn’t stop it. Awesome.
Winner: Jared again
Everyone’s enjoying this fight … and Jared shoots. Jon grabs the cage and somehow gets on top of Jared. Jon throws some tiny face punches and some tiny side punches. Suddenly he pulls some big boy punches out and beats on Jared’s face. Eugh, Goldberg tries to throw a sell for the Video Game Awards into his commentary “Will the VGA be as exciting as this???? I THINK SO!”
THey’re back on the feet. War machine went against the cage and takes some brutal face punches. Oh god, knees to the face. Jon falls down but his butt’s on the ground, not his knees. Wow, crazy reversal. Jon Koppenhaver gets on top of Jared and pounds him out from NOWHERE. CRAZY.
And it’s over. Jon Koppenhaver wins! Out of fucking nowhere. Hardcore awesomeness. Is there fight of the night bonuses for TUF finales? Because this one’s a candidate!
10:33 This show is getting better and better with each match. If the trend continues, I’ll be in MMA Nirvana.
10:35 They go to the decision … Jon is crying. Jared is looking pissed. Dude should be happy … win or lose, he’ll be back in the UFC. Jon says “it breaks my heart” and starts crying.
10:45 After a nice 10 minute commercial break and no more urine in my body, it’s time for Mac vs Tommy for the TUF6 contract.
10:45 Tommy is ‘HUGE’, Mac is ‘EXPERIENCED’. The big question: Did Tommy learn anything over the past 3 months since he was on the show?
1045: They cut to footage of Tommy skidding his truck around in some mud and milking his cows. He’s fighting to pay off his parent’s farm debt. CLASSIC. He trains by running with a car tire tied to a rope which is around his waist. Yeah, that doesn’t have injury written all over it. He says he ‘kinda likes hurting people’. Very Christian, that is.
10:46 Now over to Mac. They cut to his girlfriend who’s kinda hot but looks a bit weird. She’s got BIG TEETH. She sounds like a horny bitch tho so A+.
“Fighting is all I have” says Mac. No it’s not. He’s got his photography and a bunch of other shit. Man, he’s not as trash talky on TV as he is in his blog. Boo-urns
10:49 : Tommy comes out to a New Country slow dance song. Red hair. Red neck.
10:50 : Rogan says Tommy looks about 190 pounds. I don’t doubt him. All of a sudden the whole Size vs Experience angle doesn’t sound so manufactured.
10:51 : Mac comes out to hip hop and a little piece of me dies. Doesn’t Mac know that every time rap music is played, they grind kittens up and use them for McDonalds hamburgers?
MAC DANZIG VS TOMMY SPEER
They circle eachother , and Tommy pushes Mac against the cage. Mac throws some small knees as they battle for control. Tommy returns the favor. Danzig almost grabs a leg but Tommy pulls it down. Danzig pushes Tommy across the ring and takes him down. Mac is in mount! Tommy’s bucking though, but now Mac is reighning down with strikes. Tommy rolls onto his back. Mac’s got hooks in and has one arm for the choke. Mac softens Tommy up with some punches and then sinks in a choke.
WINNER: Mac Danzig
11:00 Mac’s looking pretty happy … he’s blowing kisses to the crowd. Who know? Dana White steps up with a big grin on his face and gives him the shiny award n stuff. FUCK, EDITH’S TITS ARE HUGE.
Mac says fuck answering Rogan’s stupid questions and just goes off on his own little speech. Mac says LW is the toughest division. Hmmm what about the division he’s running from?
Tommy’s up … he looks pretty fucked up, and he’s pretty choked up. I’d feel bad for him if he wasn’t a STUPID FUCKING GINGER
11:08 Another fight … man, we’re getting more fights than a PPV here.
JOHN KOLOSCI vs MATT ARROYO
Matt catches JOhn with a punch as John shoots in. Matt is trying to get onto John’s back but John has a leg. They scramble and Matt gets a pretty shitty guillotine in. He holds it for about 20 seconds and gives up. Matt is now pulling guard and throws some punches up at John. He’s posturing up for an armbar and has it. John dropps him and Matt holds on and actually improves position. They roll and somehow John pops out of the armbar!
John’s on top in guard again. Matt pushes away from the fence so he can do some more jiu jitsu shit. Things have slowed down though … has Matt blown his load? John stands up and lets Matt up. John throws the world’s sloppiest punch that staggers into a shitty shoot. Matt gets a tight guillotine but John pops out.
Again, John in Matt’s guard. Matt postures up but he’s up against the fence so it’s gonna be harder for him to pull shit. 30 seconds left in the round. Matt starts a roll and I’m thinking “What’s he doing” … then all of a sudden John’s arm is extended and he’s tapping … armbar outta fucking nowhere.
WINNER: Matt ARROYO
11:20 : Matt’s all right but “No Regards” is the WORST NICKNAME EVER. Worse than Killa B and Dirty Samurai. Nice … he schools Joe Rogan on jiu jitsu terminology. What a slick fucking armbar. Sub of the night fo shizzle.
11:24 : Well looky looky, no more ‘interim’ title for UFC 80. Looks like Sherk got stripped. Nice. Still no word re: Sylvia at UFC81.
11:25 : Guida looks like a mutant in his Octagon picture. Kenny says “You won’t find any scrubs in the UFC” Actually, pretty much all Roger’s fights were scrub fights :-p
11:26 : Kenny laughs when Goldberg asks what he’d be intimidated by with Roger Huerta. The highlight cuts to Huerta beating on the back of an opponent’s head. Nice. He’s definately got some crisp punching compared to Clay “Swing for the Fences” Guida.
11:29 : Guida’s hair looks thicker than ever. Huerta might have the Sports Illustrated cover, but Guida might be the Vidal Sassoon boy if he wins this.
11:30 : Clay Guida hops out of the back and gives big handshakes to all the celebs at ringside. His cornerman slaps the shit out of him before he gets into the ring. GUIDA IS PUMPED! WAR GUIDA!
11:34 : Huerta comes out cool as a cucumber. I see fear in his eyes.
CLAY GUIDA vs ROGER HUERTA
It all comes down to this. Eyebrows vs Grape Photo. Huerta vs Guida. How will it go. I’m fucking pumped.
THe staredown is good. Guida of course is intense like a motherfucker. GUida dances around. Huerta throws a kick that misses. Guida gets in and takes Huerta down. Guida is in Huerta’s guard. Huerta scrambles and back on the feet. Guida picks him up and drops him.
Huerta’s already looking a bit annoyed. Guida pushes Huerta to the fence and gets to half guard. Huerta pops out the bottom and goes for some kinda sub and has a kneebar. Guida squeaks out and gets the back. Roger rolls over and lands a brutal knee to Guida’s face. Guida returns a knee but Huerta was down so it was an illegal strike.
They go right back at it. Huerta boxes and kicks Guida. Guida steps in and throws a good one. Huerta dishes out some punishment. Guida shoots again and has one leg. Huerta grabs an arm and works on a sub. Guida pops out and has the back again. But Roger starts standing back up. Guida takes the opportunity to sink both hooks in and work on a choke.
Roger spin around and getins on top and now he’s got Clay’s back. Guida pops out he bottom but Huerta still has an arm. They spin again and Guida is out of the sub. Round is over.
Winner: I have no fucking idea. What a crazy round 1.
Roger swings and connects but Clay shoots and throws Huerta to the ground explosively. Huerta looks annoyed and slightly bored. They scramle and now Huerta stays on one knee to avoid getting kneed in the face. They split and Huerta is outstriking Guida. Huerta throws a good head kick that’s blocked but still hard. Guida shoots but it’s sloppy and Huerta escapes.
Huerta kicks again and GUida takes him down into Roger’s guard. Guida’s not doing much damage from the top … he’s having a hard time keeping HJuerta down. Guida’s got Huerta’s back again and sink in the hooks but Huerta is a squirmy fuck. They’re back up on their feet.
Huerta comtinues to throw some good punches but Guida throws 2 brutal punches that have Huerta reeling. Guida’s got Huerta on his back again and is trying to get his hooks in. Huerta swings out and pushes GUida against the fence but GUida throws some elbows while they posture. They split and they’re throwing hard again. Huerta smashes GUida then Guida smashes Huerta when Huerta sprawled on a fake shoot. Huerta is fucking hurt.
Guida is going to wrok on top trying to put Huerta away. 20 seconds left in the round and Guida’s going apeshit with stupid non effective strikes. But it looks pretty damned good haha. The round ends
Guida looks like a psycho. Huerta smiles too. Nuts. They’re both swinging … Guidea got slammed with a strike and he’s falling all over the place. Guida grabs for a shoot but ends up on his face. Huerta climbs on his back and gets a choke in. Guida holds off for 10 secs then taps.
WINNER: Roger Huerta. Mother fucker. Grape Photo. Fuck
11:56 : That was a fucking RETARDED fight. Insanity. Awesomeness. Even though I just lost a horrific bet, I’m still too excited to be really pissed off.
11:58 : Huerta’s crying. Tears or blood we’re not sure. Huerta says “Thank you GOd for everything you did for me, man”. Worst acceptance speech ever. Just follow Rogan’s prompts, man. They show the Huerta knee … I’m amazed Guida isn’t in fucking TRACTION. Huerta … you know … needs to … you know … shut up … you know.
12:00 : Rogan’s with Guida now: How the hell can Guida even talk after the end of that fight. I’m sure Guida’s sick of hearing “You’re always exciting” after he loses.
12:02 : We’re still waiting for the Dana White announcement. And the stream we’re watching switches to the Hatton-Mayweather fight. I cover my eyes and do the lalalalala thing while Jake shuts it down and I guess we’re onto the live radio show now. See you in 5 minutes.