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I was very sad when my dream-friend Stephan Bonnar got taken off the UFC Fight Night 13 card. But the UFC has proven that they still have the ability to turn my frown upside down – well, sometimes. Other times they like to kick me in the nuts and call it a favor. But this time they’ve done good: they’ve replaced Bonnar with redneck judo fatty Tim Boetsch.

Not since Houston ‘Conehead’ Alexander has there been such excitement over some dude we barely know anything about. At the moment all I know is he’s got a fast kick for a fat fuck and a mean toss which looks like it was adapted from loading hay on the farm. Oh, and he got laid on for three rounds by the IFL’s shitty LHW champ Vladimir Matyushenko. I actually saw that fight (just a fluke, I swear I’m not a closet IFL freak) and while the dude needs to work his cardio and takedown defence, there’s not all that much shame in getting the blanket from someone with Vladdy’s resume.

So it’s definitely going to be an interesting fight. I know I said I’d give Matt Hamill some respect if he beat Michael Bisping, and I have! Just not that much. We still haven’t seen Hamill against anyone who can beat the tar outta him. In fact, I seem to remember him spazzing whenever someone hit him too hard during practice on TUF. Boetsch has won 6 out of 7 fights with his fists. So I guess we’ll see if Boetsch can win with his striking advantage or if Hamill can pull a repeat of what Matyushenko did.

Thank baby jesus on his tiny cross for BJ Penn. Without him, the UFC probably would have been able to gloss over the whole Sean Sherk steroid thing. They certainly tried their best to make stripping Sherk a non-announcement. The only thing they did was drop the ‘Interim’ designation from the Penn / Stevenson fight and let us figure out what that meant on our own.

But BJ Penn, he just won’t let this shit die. Every interview he does now is like pushing the sword in deeper and twisting. I’d actually gotten kinda sick of mocking Sherk … how many disses can you really come up with before it gets kind of stale. But BJ Penn, he’s the fucking man. Check out the best bit of smack talk from a radio interview with MMAWeekly:

“That’s one thing no one can ever say about me, you know? That I was a coward and took sports enhancement drugs, because I was afraid I was going to get my ass kicked in front of millions of people. So anybody out there who said I never had no heart, at least I wasn’t a coward.”

There’s a boatload more where that comes from too … I was going to include all the best bits but then I’d just be cut and pasting the whole freaking thing. So go read it, and then join me in saying “Thank you BJ for saying what needs to be said.”

I have dreams about Stephan Bonnar on regular occasions. I don’t know why, but at least once or twice a month I have a UFC related dream and always in the background is Stephan Bonnar, stripped down to his waist and all greased up. He’s the only UFC fighter I dream about. I’ve tried discussing it with my psychiatrist but she says she’s only there by court order to deal with my anger management issues. God I just want to punch her in the face sometimes.

So I actually knew that Stephan Bonnar was going to be injured a week before it was announced – it came to me in a dream. Bonnar was there, gleaming half naked under hot lights. But he shook his head “No” to me and then walked out of the light. It was a sign, I swear it. Later on he showed up again with a big basket of cheesy bread. I’m still trying to figure that one out. Mayhaps cheesy bread = future champion? You heard it here first folks.

Hey everyone, sorry for the blog silence – my interwebs have been down so I’ve been stuck here without any MMA news or new pornography. Trust me, it was much worse for me than it was for you. But after sacrificing a goat to the ethernet gods, my webs are back up and all IPs are go! We now return to your regularly scheduled blather. Yeehaw!

(no new hot chicks floating around so we go back to classic Kyra Gracie. Sometimes less is more.)

Another case of lost in translation?
A lot of people were dishing on hotty blogger Suki for making Yushin Okami seem like an America-hating bastard. I wonder now if anyone will say anything about the following quote from Akihiro Gono, which is just too sweet to be accurate: “I couldn’t sleep well because my right hand is in pain even if I take pain killer pills. I realized how hard to do everything by my left hand. I want to get married so bad now.”

MMA Junkie is sick of being right all the time has added Frank Trigg as an editorial columnist who’s writing is “designed to spark discussion and debate.” Translation: Everything Frank Trigg says is fucking retarded, so just enjoy the stupid. I’m suddenly feeling a bit threatened over here!

HDNet is showing the Kim Couture smoker
HDNet continues to snap up every single MMA event that’s got an iota of draw attached to it. In this case they’re going to broadcast an amateur smoker fight on account of Kim Couture’s involvement, which seems a bit stupid to me. Maybe some kind of special documentary or something on it? But to show the whole thing seems a bit dumb. A lot of the MMA shown on HDNet is pretty terrible, but this just seems to be lowering the standards a little too much. On the other hand, I would have actually payed big bucks to see Kim Couture punched in the face. So however they decide to deliver it, I’m still okay with it.

Bonnar is cursed
I hope Stephan Bonnar uses the several months off he has because of a fucked knee to find the person who cursed him and all those around him. The guy hasn’t been able to get shit rolling for himself since his old teacher died.

Sokoudjou was interviewed last week
Jarry Park deserves to get way more links than it does, which is why I’m happy everyone has decided to suddenly link their interview with Sokoudjou. Of course, that interview went up over a week ago, and the only reason people are linking it now is because they’re fucking sheep who regurgitate what every other site is saying. And now I guess that includes me too. Damn.

Josh Haynes replaces Benji Radach for IFL’s next fight.
This is the sound of no one giving a shit.

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