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Not content to bore the fuck out of everyone in the Octagon, Yushin Okami has been striving to be as banal as possible in blog form too. Thank god for the return of Suki, who translates Japanese fighter blogs for us all to read. Here’s the exciting excerpts from the past few days:

** Jan 28 **
I went Yokohama to pick up my passport.   I washed my passport with my laundry and my passport got worn out.   When I went to the U.S. Embassy, an officer asked me to get a new passport, otherwise I will be refused to enter the U.S..   So, I applied for a new passport even though my passport was valid for 5 more years.   I got a new passport today and I can apply for a visa for my next fight!   Now I need to get ready for a medical check.

** Jan 29 **
I cannot believe this.   I had a delivery today.   An envelope delivered today looked familiar to me.   It was the envelope which I put the visa application and my passport in and mailed to the U.S. embassy yesterday.   I wondered why that envelope was here and checked out the label.   I wrote my address as a receiver and put the address of the U.S. embassy as a sender!   This is very important documents and sent by a courier.   I worry about myself now and wonder if I can pass the medical check.

Of course, it would be very awesome if Okami wasn’t able to fight Evan Tanner at UFC82 because his passport ended up in the spin cycle.

Is there a better way to resume blogging transmissions on than with Cecil People’s infamous fight-starting Chicken Karate Chop? I don’t think so. So as Cecil would say, “Let’s do this thing!” Well, maybe he says that. Don’t think just because I took a few days off that I’m back any less lazy about fact checking than before.

Okay, you all might be wondering what the fuck is up with no updates yesterday or today. I’m sure at this point you’re all pretty sick of hearing about my ass problems but it looks like they’ve taken a more serious turn. Results from a test taken on Thursday have come back and I’m going into the hospital in about an hour to get a colonoscopy, which is basically where they jam a gigantic rod up my ass to look for cancer.

While nothing is for sure right now, the news is certainly a bummer. I’ve basically been sitting around feeling pretty crappy, and not even the UFC Fight Night prelim fights could cheer me up. I’ve tried writing a few articles but they’ve all sucked so I’m just going to take the day off and deal with this shit so I can come back tomorrow refocused and actually give a crap about what’s going on in MMA.

I don’t know whether to feel proud or ashamed. We give UFC ring girl Edith Larente a brutal hard time around here, but we never really expected the whole ‘horseface’ nickname to take off across the MMA scene like it has. Of course, if the saddle fits….

In honor of our favorite ring girl who never fails to give us something to talk about, here are our fellow Jackals’ top reasons that Edith Larente missed the UFC80 weigh-ins:

  1. She hurt her leg-..they had no choice but to put her down.
  2. She had no shoes to wear; they were all still at the blacksmith’s.
  3. Silly people, horses can’t fly in planes, she has to be shipped over in a ship, which takes longer.
  4. The UFC refused to put hay in her contract under food allowance.
  5. Since the Elephant Man, England has strict controls on exhibiting freaks.
  6. Edith only does PPVs and not promos because she’s not used to giving it away for free.
  7. She forgot to take our her junk-piercing at the airport and is now working as an escort in Gitmo.
  8. Still waiting in quarantine with two german shepherds and a shitzu.
  9. EU labor laws don’t allow horses to do the work of humans.
  10. Strict laws in England protect their hookers from foreign competition.

Extra props go to Jemaleddin, Accomando, Kentyman, Dignan, and Operatorfor being the most evil of the bunch. You truly are jackals of the worst stripe!

Last night I was watching ShoXC, and while the fights were great there were a few things that still bugged the fuck out of me. I was gonna make another list like I did last time but my boy Sam Caplan beat me to it:

First, what does someone need to do to make sure that EliteXC never has a DJ scratching a record over the PA during fighter introductions ever again? It sounds like crap on TV and it sounds even crappier in person. Sorry to get all Fight Linker on everyone for a second but there’s just no way to sugar coat it. It’s annoying and obnoxious.

On TV, it sounds like someone has the house mic and is just banging it into their hand. At first, I really thought that the bass in the speakers of my TV were messed up. In person, the bass was giving me a migraine. I get the idea, they want to make MMA hip and cool and appeal to its younger demographic. But we’re all here for the fights. Full contact martial arts is hip enough. We don’t need the record scratching unless you’re Grandmaster Flash.

Speaking of trying too hard to be hip, the EliteXC rap song needs to be banished as well. And I’m still not a fan of the dancers. The way the T’N’A aspect is addressed in boxing and the UFC by just having a ring girl display the round number following a round is the way to go. Sometimes less is more.

I’ll bet you dollars to donuts the DJ is that fucking asshole Hapa. He’s been scratching over fighter announcements and judge’s decisions since the K1 Dynamite show, and will probably continue to do that until someone does something about it. I’ve already asked Caplan to punch Skala in the face so it would seem impolite to try and get him to take care of Hapa too. I’ve seen people get smoked in the face with a turntable before, and trust me: they don’t come back. All it would take is one brave soul. I bet the police wouldn’t even arrest you. They’d just put you in a car all official like and then let you out a few blocks from the venue, shake your hand and say “Good job, son. Good job.”

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