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This has been the month of the press conference / conference call. In addition to the UFC and Couture conferences, the IFL apparently had one earlier this week and EliteXC had one yesterday. Of course, neither of those fuck nuggets thought we here at Fightlinker were worth inviting, despite the fact that we had some seriously awesome questions to ask both parties:

IFL:

  • How much will you charge for blowjobs in 2009 when you are destitute and living on the street?
  • Is hindsight really 20/20 or do you still think you’re smart?
  • Who’s responsible for you guys sucking so bad and when does he get fired?

EliteXC

  • Who’s responsible for completely fucking up Kimbo Slice’s debut with your organization?
  • Since you’ve now got drug users, felony fighters, and kidnappers in your league, how long till you start adding rapists, murderers, and nazis? I understand your farm league has several of these?
  • When is Gary’s loser son $kala going to fight Robbie Lawler?

But hey, I’m not all about shit disturbing. For example, half the blogs on the internet are freaking out that Gary Shaw has ditched the standard Unified Rules weight classes in favor of his own system: 140, 150, 160, 170, 185, 205, 205+ and 265+. But when you wash the sand out of your vagina and actually think about it, this move isn’t as bad as it really seems.

Hey, I’ve said it before: the last thing MMA needs is 20 different weight classes. But in this case, Gary hasn’t actually added a bunch more. Basically all his system does is (theoretically) lessen the number of pounds a fighter has to cut by 5 pounds. Here’s the unified weight classes next to the Shaw-daddy classes:

  • 135 / 140
  • 145 / 150
  • 155 / 160
  • 170 / 170
  • 185 / 185
  • 205 / 205
  • 205+ / 205+
  • 265+ / 265+

Of course, if the point is to keep his fighters from cutting too much it isn’t going to work. Fighters will always cut like emo teenagers, and if you give them 5 pounds to play with, it just makes it more likely that they’ll try to cut down another weight class. You can’t trust these morons to be reasonable. They’ll take every inch you give them and try to squeeze as much advantage out of it as possible.

So while this isn’t exactly the best idea in the world, it’s not like Shaw is adding stupid ‘super middleweight’ and ‘ultra light’ classes.

The moment CFFC’s Kimbo vs Tank fight got canceled, everyone across the internets called out to promotions around the world to save the headlining fight. Several promotions answered the call and tried to fit it into their cards, but in the end it was EliteXC that signed Kimbo Slice and set him up to fight on their November 10th card.

Without Tank Abbott.

Huh? What? That’s stupid. CFFC had already spent a big pile of money advertising the Tank matchup, and it was a fight that resonated with the moron demographic and freak fight fans. Why EliteXC decided to drop Tank from the equation is unknown.

Whatever the reason, it was fucking dumb. In his place, EliteXC put 8-11 fighter Mike Bourke, who’s been 1-8 over the past 5 years. Tank’s recent record was 1-6 over the past 5 years, but at least he had some decent draw and name power. Add the fact that EliteXC has been promoting Kimbo as ‘Kevin Ferguson’, and most casual fans have no idea what the fuck is going on any more.

But wait, it gets better! Now Mike Bourke is out, and in his place is Bo Cantrell, who just fought last week and lost in under a minute. Cantrell has a 10-10 and is on a four loss skid at the moment. He’s also got some of the worst tattoos in MMA, which says a lot. Again, this guy is a total no-namer with a shitty record.

Anyways, I have no idea what the fuck is up with EliteXC dropping the Kimbo / Tank matchup. They’ve taken a stupid but compelling fight and replaced it with a stupid and non-compelling fight. And promoting Kimbo using his real name is the hight of stupidity. The world knows him as Kimbo Slice. If you’re embarrassed of his felony fight history, then why the fuck did you sign him??? Man … someone at EliteXC needs to be slapped in the face with a large stinky fish.

For everyone that assumed Phil Baroni was guilty as sin and got off easy on his steroid case, take a listen to this video over at Sherdog. I have to admit, I was one of the people that basically assumed Baroni was guilty as sin. The dude goes from being washed up and out of shape to Adonis and back twice a year, it seems. Add to that his past affiliation with highly suspected fight team Hammer House (of Kevin “My organs shut down for some mysterious reason” Randleman fame), and I had him pegged as a user through and through.

However, the information presented by Phil’s people at the hearing was interesting to say the least. Out of several samples taken, only one sample tested positive for steroids. Baroni’s team wanted a DNA test to be done on the positive sample, because they were convinced that sample must not have been his. Of course, the CSAC being the morons they are, they never looked at any of the requests or information put together by Baroni’s team prior to the hearing.

An initial vote to clear Baroni garnered two votes from the CSAC. The final vote for a 6 months / $2500 vote passed with 3 votes in favor, 2 against, and 1 voting for an extension.

Makes you wonder about the validity and accuracy of the testing procedure, huh? I’m also amazed at the shoddy coverage of the details in Baroni’s case by the majority of other MMA websites. Why the fuck am I stuck having to report the bullshit details on this? My fucking anus is leaking. This sucks.

Hey guys. Gonna be a quiet morning as the vegetarian food I ate last night is forcing it’s way out of my ass hardcore. I’ve tried doing some writing on the pot but I almost peed into my laptop’s motherboard fan so that option is out. So for an hour or two you’re on your own. I pray you all survive.

In the meantime, you should listen to this week’s low blow, and submit questions in the comments section of this post for next week’s mailbag! Special thanks to our sponsors for the show : Xieyeience and Super Extreme Energy Creamu.

You may remember a day or two ago that Hardcore Championship Fighting sent out a letter denouncing their competition for putting a guy with barely any MMA experience up against a very experienced Shonie Carter. Well, now Scott Zerr from MFC has responded to the accusation, taking off the gloves and raking HCF across the coals.

The statement he released is awesome and includes all sorts of mockery involving HFC’s lame attendance figures and how Keith Crawford is really good at losing other people’s money. Regarding the mismatch, he had this to say:

If Mr. Crawford is so concerned about mismatches, perhaps he should take care of his own house first. Last HCF show, 9-0 fighter vs. Pro Debut; and a past show that he was associated with saw a 16-0 Mac Danzig vs. Pro Debut. Even the UFC had Melvin Guillard with 35 fights face Rick Davis with 3 fights. But numbers don’t always show the true story. Victor Valimaki at 3-2 fought Dan Severn who had 85 fights to his credit. Valimaki won by unanimous decision.

I’m going to give MFC the nod for round one. I’m also suddenly concerned about HFC … if they’re really getting less than 2000 people at shows with headliners like Aleks E and Sean Salmon, there’s something seriously wrong with their promotion.

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