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While I was having one of these friendly looking fellas snaked up my anus, a story was busy snaking its way through the interwebs about Takanori Gomi almost signing with the UFC. The common link between these two things? They’re both likely full of shit.

Let’s take a look at the original story:

A potential deal between Takanori Gomi and the UFC has fallen through, FiveOuncesOfPain.com (www.FiveOuncesOfPain.com) has learned.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com first became aware of the story when a source close to Frankie Edgar revealed that the lightweight contender had been offered and accepted a potential bout vs. Gomi. The fight fell through after the UFC was unable to secure a contract with PRIDE’s final reigning lightweight champion.

There is no word as to why a deal with Gomi was unable to be completed and whether there’s a chance that talks between both sides will resume in the future.

So why is this bullshit? Well according to Edgar’s management Daniel Liguori the whole Gomi thing was nothing but a rumor to begin with and there was never a fight offered or accepted:

Not true he was never offered that fight, we heard a rumor that the ufc was trying to put it together but as of today frank does not have an opp for april 3rd. And the ufc never offered him a fight with gomi.

Another sign that the story wasn’t correct is the fact that MMAJunkie.com didn’t pick it up and carry it. Those guys will carry anything if it’s true … ooh how exciting, the UFC is replaying some shitty All Access show at 4am on Spike. Let’s write a post about it! Snore. But not one blip out of them regarding any possibility that Gomi was close to being signed at all. MMAJunkie is like my canary in the coal mine of MMA news. If they don’t pick up a big story like this, it’s because something’s smelly about it.

I’ve often thought that we’re gonna see some pretty insane MMA fighters coming up in the next 15 years. You better believe a lot of TUF noobs are gonna be pulling their kids out of softball (which sucks) to stick ‘em in MMA schools (which rule) across the country. If you think Georges St Pierre is deadly, wait till you see the next generation who won’t have wasted 6 years doing lame karate.

But hey, if you’re REALLY devoted to your son being the next big thing in cagefighting, how about this: stun that fucker with a taser! And don’t wait until he’s like I dunno 12 and deserves it for talking back. Tase that little shit from the time he’s 2 years old onwards. Stupid? Maybe. I guess we’ll never know if this training regime works because the guy who did it ended up in jail and his kid was taken away from him.

Said the prosecutor: “He wanted his child to be tough … talked about his dream of the child being the toughest cage fighter ever.” Which is pretty spooky, because I’ve shared that dream with many people as well. But I’m not stupid: I wouldn’t reveal to anyone my totally sweet taser training plans, because I wouldn’t want them to steal it and use it on their own children. I can’t even imagine the insanity of two taser trained toddlers going at it. It’d be like Fedor fighting his clone times a billion.

Okay, so my Mexican is non-existent, get off my back. I wouldn’t even have to reveal such terrible shortcomings if the world of MMA wasn’t getting weirder and weirder every day. That’s I guess a bonus of more people getting into this sport … as the fans get more diverse, the kind of shit fans do to pay tribute will get further out there. And the further out there it gets, the more entertaining my blog becomes.

For example, check out this dude’s rousing acoustic rendition of the Pride victory song. Now here’s a song to bang a chick to if I’ve ever heard one. It’ll be nigh impossible to feel like a loser with this going on in the background. And the best part is she’ll think you’re just being romantic, when in truth you’re just THE BIGGEST LAME FANBOY ON EARTH.

Jesus. The last time I heard anyone seriously talk about pit fighting, it was 1992 and it was in reference to that shitty Atari game. Okay, so it was only shitty because it rendered me an arcade junkie who’d root through his mom’s purse for stray quarters. Anything to get my fix.

But now Bob Meyrowitz (who could possibly still think it’s the 90’s himself) has teamed up with Live Nation and is bringing back the term for his new MMA promotion: YAMMA Pit Fighting. He’s also trying to bring back tournaments, ‘legend superfights’, and something regarding a new kind of fighting surface that promises to ‘revolutionize’ the sport.

Of course, what do you expect from a guy who brought us ‘the cage’ and almost added a moat full of alligators and barbed wire to MMA?

According to Josh Burkman’s myspace page, not only did he feel like he won the fight but that it was Mike Swick’s fault that it was boring. Take a look at his latest myspace bulletin:

“ATLEAST THE PEOPLE KNOW WHO WON”
First I wanna thank you guys for your support, I got alot of great messages and tons of support. Thank you!
I’m not gonna look back on the fight and be upset about the decision because there is nothing that I can do about it. I could have done more and I Will learn from it.

Thoughts on the fight… I was ready for a war and so was Swick. I saw it in his eyes at the press conference, weigh-ins and the stare-down I thought it would be a war!.. But when the fight started Swick realized he was not the better fighter… he was in there with a better fighter than he prepared for. Half way through the first round that look he had was gone and he wanted out!… He wasn’t in there to fight after the first round, i took it from him and we both know it… He’s still trying to figure out what happened, but sometimes you forget things when you’re scared!…

After the first he knew I was there to fight and He wanted no part of it!… When I would get ahold of him he would just hold on cause he felt safe there… I probably should have backed of the takedowns and clinch but I felt i was in control of the fight and that it was obvious. 2 criteria’s for judging are aggressiveness and octogon control… When did you start getting as point for good defense!… I stood in the center most of the second round just to prove a point… Maybe it would have been better recieved if i would have called him on, but that’s not my style… I felt if he didn’t want to fight I could atleast throw some kicks and some other crazy stuff to show I was there to fight or maybe it would get him to engage… I guess I was wrong.
I apologize for a boring fight, I learned alot from it and I will be back better and smarter as a fighter.
thanks,
JBurk
“People’s Warrior”

Here’s the deal: the fight sucked because Josh Burkman is one dimensional and the only iota of success he had against Swick was when pushing him up against the cage working for a takedown. While you can blame Swick for all the boring times when they were circling eachother, Burkman gets just as much blame for all that cage-hugging shit. Burkman called it ‘aggressiveness and octogon control’. I call it terrible boring bullshit. This isn’t the Ultimate Hugging Championships, no matter how much JBURK and Timmy Sylvia might wish it was.

You know, I will meet him halfway though: I think he deserved the judge’s decision, just barely though. But considering he was given a gift decision against Forrest Petz, I’ll let this one slide. Karma’s a bitch, JBURK.

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