Oh acronyms … where would we be without you, LOL. Pretty much the only highlight of yesterday’s borefest of a conference call with the UFC was the news that Spike had commited to 12 live fights a year. Fuck yeah! Add in the fact that it looked like that didn’t even include the UK shows and random extra shows, and it looked like we were finally going to get the comprehensive free TV package UFC fans deserved!

Alas, it was not to be. About an hour later, SpikeTV execs corrected these statements and said the plan was actually for 12 Ultimate Fight Nights over the course of 3 years … so only four a year. Balls.

The UFC has two big problems right now, in my opinion. Okay, they’re not really big problems for the UFC, but they’re my two pet peeves:

  1. There’s too many times in a year where there’s no new shows for over a month.
  2. There’s too many new UFC guys that need developing, and not enough shows to develop them in.

An increase in the number of Ultimate Fight Nights would deal with these issues perfectly … we get more content, and more content means more fights to establish real contenders. A regular fight night on a consistant basis would give the casual fan something they could keep track of. Plus it would make me happy. And isn’t that enough, really?

Honestly, what good reason is there to only have 4 Ultimate Fight Nights a year? That seems downright miserly. Considering the amount of TUF and Unleashed that’s gonna be forced down our throats, I would hope the UFC would at least give us a few extra.

As it stands, here’s what we’re getting from Spike over the next few years in terms of real fight events (fuck reality shows and Unleashed episodes):

  • 4 Ultimate Fight Nights a year
  • 2 Ultimate Fighter Finales a year
  • If Spike keeps picking up the UK shows (they choose on a per event basis), that’s 4 more events right there.

So we’ve got six guaranteed cards, and potentially up to 10. Okay, so that’s not too bad … but it could still be better!

The title of this post pretty much sums up the Randy Couture press conference. Nothing too new came out of this conference except clarification on Randy’s compensation for his last two fights. Where our original Randy Math had Couture making $2.50 per PPV, Randy states he only got 500 grand on 500,000 PPV buys … $1 per PPV. That means he only made $750,000 on the books for his past two fights.

Couture added that after the Sylvia fight the UFC came and gave him an additional half a million dollars as a bonus. The fact that he wasn’t given a “locker room bonus” after the Gonzaga fight was apparently a big deal for Couture.

Oh, and that thing Sherdog was spreading around re: Randy not getting a % of PPV for the Gonzaga fight? Yeah … about that. Turns out he is getting a % of the PPV. He just hasn’t gotten it yet because it takes 90+ days for the PPV numbers to come in and be calculated. Congrats to Sherdog for their selective fact reporting, you guys are awesome.

Over and over he said it wasn’t about money, but over and over Randy kept on using examples where it was about money. I can see how money and respect are tied together … if the UFC respected Randy, they would treat him like a superstar and cover whatever he wants. On the other hand, leaving the UFC because they “didn’t do the small things” like give him extra tickets would be retarded. So rationally, it was the big stuff like the lack of bonus after the Gonzaga fight. And that means it WAS about the money.

Couture’s press conference did serve an important purpose though. Even though his claim that it’s “not about the money” rang more hollow than ever, his claim that he’s being underpaid seems pretty valid now. The fact that he presented all his issues to UFC management two weeks before his resignation and nothing was done is pretty damning too. Finally, he made it clear that he would rather resign and simply make his reasons clear than stick around and create a huge stink. Which is classy in it’s own way, and definately a POV I hadn’t considered before.


Here’s what it comes down to: when you stream dueling press conferences over the internet, it’s the one that’s easier to hook into that usually wins. I’ve often said that ProElite.com is like herpes for your eyes, and it once again proved it’s worthlessness by dumping pretty much everyone out of Randy Couture’s press conference stream halfway in. In short: Randy’s press conference got it’s ass handed to it by the UFC.

As a result, there’s only sketchy details picked up from Fightopinion as to what happened at Randy’s show. So I’m gonna leave writing about this until tommorow when I get a chance to watch this thing for myself on HDNet. I’m getting out of here. Liveblogging for two hours has given me the world’s largest pit stains.

For now, go check out FightOpinion’s coverage of Randy’s blog. They got a few details before ProElite.com cocked out on them.

Yo, just a heads up that since Yahoo is broadcasting the UFC conference call at 4pm EST, I’ll be liveblogging it in this post. Spread the words, bitches.

3:55 : Kenny G fills my ears. The things I do for you guys.

3:57 : At this point I’d rather bear witness to the fitness of the modern warrior

4:01 : Nothing yet, still aneurysm inducing music. Anyone else find it fishy that Yahoo is serving this shit up? They’re seeming more and more like UFC cronies every day.

4:05 : This live blogging thing is hard. I have to go pee so bad right now.

4:05 : Who the fuck is ‘Jennifer Wink’?

4:06 : Yeah, Dana admits the Tv Deal is “The Spike deal” What a letdown.

4:07 : 1st question calls UFC on the press conference shenanigans. “Am I doing this to fuck Randy? No.” Haha, liar. “Henderson might go down to fight Silva” … I wonder if Dan’s been told.

4:09 : Will the UFC advertise Brock during WWE programming? “Yeah, everywhere”
Blames the delay on Chuck vs Wand on “Waiting for Chuck to say he wanted to do the fight and wasn’t injured”

4:11 : Does this mean more shows on Spike? Dana says 12 live fight cards. Hmmm does that include the tape delay Europe shows? ‘Kevin from Spike’ does everything for Dana. Dana’s got a good track record with guys named Kevin.

4:12 : The 12 shows don’t include knee-jerk show ideas like the Ortiz-Shamrock 3 idea. Dana gets off his “I like to put big shows on free TV” sound byte.

4:13 : Dana claims Randy isn’t even trying to fight for anyone else. Also says Randy is ‘pissed off’ with him.

4:14 : OMG IT’S DAVE MELTZER!!!! The Spike deal is a 4 year deal. Includes 26 episodes of tuf over 2 years. A new fight series in 2010 and 2011, and 12 fights a year over 2009 2010 and 2011. Dana says they have ‘concepts’ for new fight shows. Hopefully they’ll kill TUF. Dave Meltzer pitches his gaylord ‘Superbowl halftime special’ idea. Dana says it’s stupid.

4:16 : Dana says BJ Penn fight will be in December. Newcastle show is too early to say who’ll fight
4:17 : Some Fox bozo asks a feel good question about how Dana feels about his relationship with Spike, and how different cities enjoy the UFC. Fuck off you dumb fuck, no one cares.

4:18 : Fox moron asks about the HBO deal … does this guy know anything that’s going on???

4:18 : How long till the title will be vacant? “Until Randy says face to face he’s retiring, it ain’t gonna be vacant”. This could take a looooong fucking time. So that’s three belts tied up? Again Dana says “Randy’s pissed at me for *some reason*”

4:19 : Spike Tv schedule revisited: 2 seasons per year for 2008 and 2009, 1 season in 2010, 1 season in 2011 and then a new show one season in 2010 and one in 2011

4:20 : Does this mean they’re not working on ESPN any more? Dana says Spike is okay with whatever they do and don’t care if the UFC is on HBO or even ESPN

4:21 : Dana says they’re coming to Chicago as soon as the regulation is in place. Why is Arlovski on the shelf? Dana says “Who knows?” … Dana’s accountant says “I know”
4:23 : Dana says He’d be willing to fly out tommorow to talk to Arlovski if something could happen.

4:23 : HBO deal again … Dana said he’s looking for ‘partners’ and Spike are partners and HBO didn’t want to be a partner. He implied that HBO wanted terms that would restrict the sport’s growth. Said boxing just doesn’t have many great bouts anymore.

4:24 : The new show in 2010 will be a ‘live fight show’, and will have a higher class of fighters than Ultimate Fight night

4:26 : Another smarmy “Do you like Spike Yes / No” question. Said the relationship with Spike exceeded his ‘wildest expectations’. The guy who asked sounded like a molester.

4:27 : UFC 78 question: How is it going, how are ticket sales? Dana says ticket sales are great and they’ll sell out. A question about if Chuck is ready with two losses : Dana said it was up to Chuck and Chuck said yes.

4:29 : Asks about the shitty Jersey Card: Dana says the internet knocks everything. Dana tries to pitch the event. It kinda works but I’m sure 5 minutes from now I’ll shake off his hypnotizing voice.

4:30 : Thomas Gerbasi is asking questions. Isn’t this guy the UFC’s press writer? What the fuck. Oh, and look: he asked a softball question for Dana to sell Chuck vs Wanderlei

4:31 : Said Wanderlei Silva used to be his ‘enemy’ and now they see eachother all the time. It makes him happy. Aaaaaaw.

4:32 : The fighters are released from Kenny G purgatory and are now allowed to speak. The excitement!

4:33 : Chuck Liddell sounds like he’s on drugs. “I wanted to fight when … when he won Pride … the title. Gonna knock him. Knock him out.”

4:33 : HBO deal again … said it didn’t work out because both orgs were trying to ‘protect their brand’. Says there were “a lot” of issues. Wouldn’t go into specifics and wasn’t willing to ‘say bad shit’.

4:35 : Dana says “One day we will be on HBO” … yeah when every old fat boxing fuck dies maybe.

4:36 : The Organization That Must Not Be Named is brought up for the first time. Dana says he’s seen tons of companies come in and flunk out over 8 years. Dana says they got lots of money but no idea what they’re doing. Says it’s the hardest business to make money in.

4:39 : HYWEL IN DA HOUSE. Fuck … I have no idea what that limey is saying. Something about UK fights always being on Spike. Dana says they’ll take those events on a fight by fight basis. Dana promises that regardless of if they’re on free tv or spike, the UK shows will stay at the ‘same quality’. Hopefully better quality than UFC 72.

4:40 : Can anyone outwrestle Brock? “Well jeez … Hopefully not” he says. The guy doesn’t sound like a meathead on the phone. I guess I’m just used to him growling and jibbering in pro wrestling.
4:41 : Are people taking Brock seriously? Dana says “The fighters better be”. Dana rattles off all Brock’s wrestling cred.

4:43 : Brock calls his opponent a ‘tuna can’. Does his MMA training not include MMA terminology?

4:44 : “Defeat” isn’t in his vocabulary. But somehow he said it.

4:45 : Claims TUF is a ‘training ground’ for new fighters. Doesn’t mention the 50% filler they choose solely so they can have meltdowns and freak out.

4:46 : Says Forrest was on the edge of quitting MMA before they scooped him up for the show.

4:46 : When will someone ask about Brock’s cock tattoo

4:47 : Kevin from Spike is asked about the idea of a Mixed Martial Arts awards show. Spike says “Nothing serious right now”. Does the spike deal involve video on demand? UFC controls VOD, but Spike owns TUF video on demand. Dana says Video on Demand is the future.
4:48 : Dana says he needs smaller orgs and likes them. So long as they STAY IN THEIR FUCKING PLACE. Dana says the UFC beats everyone but football right now, and they moved the show to Wednesday to avoid football. Spike says they’re very happy with the ratings. They must have been fucking ecstatic when the ratings were twice as good.

4:49 : The reporter talking now just seems to want to blab about television and primetime dynamics, name dropping networks and shows. Get the fuck off the call, bub.

4:50 : Spike doesn’t know what to say, just reiterates they’re happy and trails off.

4:51 : UK reporter complains about the 24 hour live delay on Bravo tv. Dana White says he’s working on it and hopefully will get live TV in 2008. Some UK boxing guy apparently pissed on UFC, and again Dana says “We scare boxing”. His voice is echoing so it scares me.

4:52 : The number of UK shows in 2008 will be 4 or 5. The Newcastle show isn’t 100% confirmed.

4:52 : UFC is exclusive to Spike on cable tv

4:53 : Is TUF gonna get stale? Will they switch it up? Dana basically says “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. So expect more epic $10,000 ping pong matches. Spike execs say they’re always thinking about the next ‘big idea’. Dana falls in line and says “Yeah, there will be changes”

4:55 : Next season’s coaches are still up in the air.

4:56 : Re: Kurt Angle. Dana says Brock Lesnar is realistically transfering his skills to MMA, but Kurt Angle is all talk.

4:57 : If you jump into this, you’ll get your ASS kicked.

4:58 : Mr Sunshine on the line. Go Steve. Ultimate Fight Nights in Vegas will always be at the Palms. Mixing up TUF might mean moving the show out of vegas. Dana laughs a bit at this question, so 10 bucks says that’s what they’re doing for next season.

4:59 : Asked about Randy’s press conference and how his competition is streaming it. Dana White says he loves Randy and ProElite are internet whores. Yahoo gets jealous.

5:00 : Play this drinking game: Take one shot every time Dana says “Randy’s pissed at me”

5:01 : Dana says Brock’s first fight will be ‘a test’. Whatever that means. Dana says it won’t be a tomato can. But wasn’t Eddie Sanchez a tomato can?
5:02 : Jorge axes a questiono about shows in latin countries. Dana says he’s been working on building MMA down there and they’re looking for a TV deal. Dana says they’ll be back in Texas very soon.

5:03 : Wanderlei and Chuck are probably pretty bored at this point. Biggest fight of all time, huh?

5:04 : Another question about the legitimacy of a WWE wrester. Can we make it a rule that reporters can’t ask the same question 10 times in the same call? And can Dana post Brock’s amateur record up on the net so he doesn’t have to say it every time?

5:04 : When did Brock get interested in fighting in the UFC? My bet is it was when his bank account started drying up. Brock says “Being a fighter, it was a natural decision to move to the UFC after WWE”

5:05 : Does Brock look back at his WWE days as a joke? Nice barbed question, there buddy. Brock says it was a job and he was good at it, and people forget he was good at amateur wrestling as well.

5:07 : When will Dana check in on Randy’s press conference? Dana said he’ll wait for Randy to get in touch. I liked how the pencilneck journalist snorted when Dana said he wasn’t listening to Randy’s presser while on his own press call. Like duuuuuuuh. Jeez. Stupid.

5:08 : Apparently Randy was pissed off over some Spike TV thing … this is something new. Maybe he got screwed over with his appearances on Spike shows?

5:09 : Dana sez “FEDOR SUCKS” I suck too … can I get a 2mil per fight contract?

5:10 : What’s Randy saying that’s not true? Dana: “I’m not gonna talk about it.”

5:11 : Another drinking game: Take a shot whenever Dana says “I’ve never said no to Randy Couture”

5:12 : Yet another drinking game : Whenever Dana calls someone a friend, take a shot.

5:12 : Dana has 250 guys under contract. Unfortunately none of them are middleweight contenders

5:13 : I love how geeks managed to get in on this call. They’re just asking random questions … you know they ain’t from no newspaper.

5:14 : Oooh, hot girl reporter question. Oh my god … she’s the dumbest person in the world. She asked if the point of the Spike shows was to bring in new fans.
5:15 : SpikeTV tries to sell the idea that Bisping and Rashad are ‘the stars of now’. Maybe the stars of 3 years from now.

5:16 : Dumb girl asks how long it’ll talke for the sport to become mainstream. Dana says “uuuh i dunno”. Girl asks Chuck if he has anything to say “Whhheeehh i wanna getta uuuh fight and i looking forward tooo the uh.”

5:17 : What’s next for Forrest? Dana says “Shoulder Surgery!”. Yeah, that’s what we meant. Dana says Forrest is definately in line now for a title shot.

5:18 : Chuck : “I always wanned to fight i always wanned to get back in fight and i always ned i was on and waiting for this fight for whenever”

5:19 : Dana’s still looking for a TV deal in Japan. He also sounds like he’s eating chewy caramel. Mmmmmm.

5:20 : Boring Brock training question. Snooooore.

5:21 : What makes the fight business so hard? Dana says the business model is tricky because until the brand is established, you’re losing buckets of money. Brand + Superstars = profit. Without both, you’re fucked.

5:22 : Dana calls out Randy’s ‘new Hollywood guy’ and blames everything on him. “The agency he’s with is a bottom feeder”.

5:23 : Another gay question for Brock re: ‘the challenge’. What is with these lame ass fan boy questions? These reporters all have major boners for pro wrestlers.

5:24 : With two losses, does this fight worry you? “I never look back as far as fights go so no matter what with bobby just fights and i never pressure and i know what i can perform and do what i can do.”

5:25 : Wanderlei on his jiu jitsu coach: “WOIH IHEOIEHOH L:N:LJHOPIJPOI OIHEFOH”

5:25 : Asks Wanderlei why Pride fighters are sucking: “I am going to give my best!”

5:25 : Is Wanderlei ready for another hard fight? “I ready for true fight, I training hard fight, I hungry, I wanna come to the top and fight chuck for the best moment in me. I want to give a good show and exit ting fight for my fans”

5:26 : Wanderlei doesn’t understand what the fuck this dude is asking him. The journalist doesn’t even know what he was asking. Everyone is confused. Wanderlei finally says “I am going to give my best!”

5:28 : Is Dana White willing to work with other promotions? “That’s the shit I hate … that’s what killed boxing. These guys are full of bullshit.” Can’t say I disagree. Dana basically said the Fedor deal was all about Fedor’s management, and his management didn’t give a shit about what Fedor got. Can’t disagree there either.

5:29 : Said the numbers released are bullshit and Fedor’s management was a ‘fucking liar’. Dana says he doesn’t want Fedor in the UFC.

5:30 : Dana pats his own back about all the deals the UFC has locked up lately to try and insinuate the people he can’t sign are morons.

5:30 : I’m literally gonna piss my fucking pants. This is taking forever.

5:31 : The Monte Cox conflict of interest. Dana says he hasn’t even thought about it yet because these guys aren’t even competition at this point.

5:32 : Dana says he sees a happy ending re: Couture in 3 to 6 months. That’s optomistic.

5:34 : When is the UFC coming to Canada? Dana says “In 2008″

5:35 : Wand – how’s Vegas? “Is good, I like, is nice place. I love my money, I no gamble”

5:36 : What happens for the winner of Chuck vs Wand as far as title contention? Dana sez “They’re the top dogs … they’re always a win away from a title shot. Forrest and Jardine are up there too”.

5:37 : Brock – thoughts on Tim Sylvia? Brock “I think I can beat him.”

5:38 : Chuck: How important is this fight for you? “I’ve been waiting this fight i’ve wanted it i’ve wanted it for a long time and now i wanna go back to the belt and i want to gt back and i need it to go and get back for the belt so i like it”

5:39 : Wanderlei: How important is this fight for you? “I professional fighter and i wait this fight for too long time. It the best fight in many year and good show for many year. He as this style in this fight … one guy go down, no decision.”

5:40 : Another boring “How have you prepared” question for Brock. Shoot me in the fucking head. Brock says he’s worked on his striking a lot (probably so he doesn’t accidentally fake it during a fight).

5:42 : Brock – are you planning on slimming down to fight in the UFc? Brock “I’m down from 300 pounds to 276 already. I’ve gotta make 265 for the fights so there’ll be some slimming down. Mainly I’m training conditioning rather than size”

5:43 : Dana – how many WWE fans will Brock bring in? Dana: “A lot!” I think we’ve got the award for question with the most obvious answer in the universe.

5:44 : Brock – who have you been training with? Brock “With Greg Nelson in Minnesota.” No fighters named.

5:45 : Keith – what do you need to change after what happened with Jardine? Chuck: “NOTHING! I’M A DUMB FUCK!”

5:45 : WHEN WILL THIS STUPID PRESSER BE OVER? Fucking christ.

5:46 : Another molester reporter from the south. He asks about trainers or managers giving fighters steroids. Dana says he doesn’t give a fuck where the fighter gets them, if you’re caught, you lose the ability to make a living for a year, so that’s a pretty brutal punishment. The reporter tries to bring the question back to managers forcing fighters to take steroids. Dana goes uuuuuh steroids are bad. The end.

5:48 : Will the UFC ever go public? Dana: “No way” Companies start out public and at first everyone is like Ooooh, and then the stock drops to .30 cents.

5:50 : Dana says the money stuff shouldn’t be public because it just pisses everyone else off and the fans don’t need to know.

5:51 : When will you be back in Florida? “2008” well, that was informative,

5:52 : There’s a correction regarding the number of Ultimate Fight Nights. There’ll be a total of 4 UFC fight nights every year for 3 years. Ah, that’s BALLS.

5:52 : Dana says “There’ll always be issues with money. But we care about people, and they’re good people, and we wanna do right by them” and blah blah blah blah blah. Tell that to the poor fuckers stuck in TUF contracts.

5:53 : Some dude audiably fellates Brock. This is what happens when you bring in pro wrestlers. People turn into 8 year olds.

5:55 : Jen says “We’ve been on for an hour and a half” … close, but 30 minutes short.

5:56 : Chuck – what were you up to after the Jardine fight : “I was back in the gym feeling pretty good and not very hurt. I didn’t consider retirement and still love what I do.”

5:57 : The reporter basically asks “What’s up with losing twice?” Awesome.

5:58 : Now the reporter is basically hammering in the idea that he thinks Chuck should retire before he washes up (*cough*Ken Shamrock*cough*)

THE END!
And that’s the end of that very long presser. We’re back to some John Tesh piano shit and now I’m gonna go take a 6 minute urination. Good night Nebraska!

Where to start, where to start. I guess a good place is with the hosts of the show, Stephan Bonnar and Forrest Griffin. I dunno if they were fooling around trying to act effeminate or something, but yeah … I’ve seen gay caberet hosts who were less gay than these two gaytards. Don’t ask why I’ve seen gay cabarets and I won’t have to explain it. We’ll all be much happier that way.

My girlfriend (who made some of the trashier parts of the show kind of embarrassing to watch with) pointed out that every ‘scene’ had the two guys posed in a different way. It was funny to see Bonnar with his arm oh so casually on his waist staring blankly away from the camera whenever he wasn’t speaking.

**UPDATE** I got em all in one post now to contain the stank of TUF.

Anyways, onto the ‘greatest’ moments:

25. Chris Leben pisses on some dude’s pillow
I dunno what’s up with Chris Leben lately … it looks like he’s been on a steady regiment of botox and crack lately. If he grew his hair out he’d begin to resemble Carrot Top. Anyways, you know you’re off to a bad start when pissing on a guy’s bed is one of the ‘greatest moments’.

24. Shonie doesn’t give a fuck
By the time this moment happened I’d given up on TUF4 (which I called “The Shonie Carter Show), so this was the first time I’d seen this. I gotta hand it to Shonie though … he’s got a definite way with words. The little tirade he spits out on the fly is probably the best rant I’ve heard since one of the best speeches since Samuel Jackson’s Ezekiel 25:17 speech in Pulp Fiction.

23. Mikey Burnett vs The Wall
Mikey reminded me of a cross between Goldmember and a homeless AIDS victim. Not surprisingly, he wasn’t available for an update because he’s now dead/homeless/missing.

22. Mike Bisping hates on the deaf guy
Me calling Bisping a douche for hating on the deaf guy would be like the pot calling the kettle black. But Bisping keeps trying to pretend he’s a nice guy rather than embracing his inner douche like we here at Fightlinker do. It’s really too bad he didn’t fight Matt on the show when Matt sucked … it would have saved him a lot of embarrassment recently.

21. No one told the deaf guy
More deaf guy hijinx. It’s pretty funny that no one bothered to tell Matt Hamill he wasn’t allowed to fight any more. Or maybe they did and he just didn’t hear them. Waka waka waka.

20. Dewees pours a liter worth of blood
This goes down as the most unsanitary fight in the history of the world. Knowing that Gideon Ray is basically a hypochondriac made watching this again even more awesome. After the pissing incident, I was amazed my GF didn’t stop watching this show. After this scene, I’m amazed she didn’t vomit.

19. Mike Nickels shaves Kendall’s eyebrow
It was nice to see Kendall take this abuse without turning into a raging retard like every other fighter in the show’s history. Wouldn’t it have been awesome if Nickels had really fucked Kendall’s eye up?

18. Tait Fletcher whines about training
Hindsight is 20/20. Tait is now in the Ultimate Vagina championships

17. Matt Serra pisses on Mark Laimon
Everyone else seems to love this one … Serra verbalizes the Proclamation against Keyboard Warriors. Personally I’m all about talking shit and dissing people, so me no likey this one.

16. Karo Parisyan spazzes on Nate Diaz
A simple equation for you: Hispanics + Armenians = FREAKOUT! Nate Diaz looks like a sleazy little bastard so I don’t begrudge Karo for getting in his face when he tries to play big man. My favorite part was at the end when Nate was muttering “How bout I beat you down?” after Karo had left. Classic.

15. The Scarecrow challenge
Rich Franklin puts his school brains to use and totally fucks over Mike Whitehead and Joe Stevenson. Those two do over 200 scarecrow rotations, which must be a fucking world record or something, and then Rich didn’t even bother to challenge them. This was the moment that made me really fall in love with TUF. And then Matt Serra had to come on and ruin everything for me.

14. Tait and Kristian are retards
Wow, talk about Dumb and Dumber. I’m sure turning down another chance to win seemed like a good idea at the time … actually, I have no idea how that seemed like a good idea. You better believe guys like Josh Haynes and Kalib Starnes would have licked Dana’s chocolate starfish to get back into the competition if they had to.

13. Gabe ‘Cake’ Ruediger is born
It’s too bad they didn’t add the cake bit into the moment, because that was … well, it was the icing on the cake for me.

12. Bobby Southworth cutting weight
Man, if only Gabe had had Koscheck on his team to help him cut. If you ask me, Bobby Southworth was a bigger pussy than Gabe … at least Gabe was asking his team at the end to help him. Bobby was all like “Fuck you guys”. Just goes to show you why Jens won the coaching part. I think. Uuuh … well, who cares anyways.

11. Noah quits the show
This is notable as the first major drama setup ever. Considering “There’s no contact with the outside world”, I’m impressed that news got into the house that Noah’s girlfriend thought he had cheated on her. I’ll put a million fucking dollars on the fact that the producers set that shit up and knocked it down. It doesn’t make Noah any less of a wuss. As Forrest said “We call those pussies losers”. Or was it “We call those losers pussies”. Either way, GOLD.

10. Luke Cummo kicks some dude’s ass
I have no idea why this is considered number 10 … I knew they were gonna have a hard time finding 25 legitimately entertaining moments in TUF history. Just because Luke Cummo drinks his own pee doesn’t make this interesting. Neither does the whole “Oh the humanity, we are but friends” angle. Boo.

9. The $10,000 game of ping pong
Let’s just try to forget for a moment that Jens Pulver just got paid more for   ping pong than many fighters get paid in the octagon. What’s really sad here is that this idea was the TUF creative team’s crowning acheivement.

8. Rashad Evans dances like a momo
Matt Hughes killed the retard in Rashad. That bastard! If we never get to see Rashad dance like that again, I’ll be a sad mofo.

7. Ken & Tito go at it
My stomach turns as I utter these words, but I agree with what Rory said: these two aren’t particularly good at smack talk. It was like watching Ben Stiller in dodgeball : “Oh yeah, well you’re gonna get it. On your face. Sideways, bitch!”

6. The Scott Smith hail mary
Personally I’m not a big fan of guys enjoying themselves in the octagon. Actually, I like one guy enjoying himself. The other guy should be screaming, crying, dying, whatever. I’m not too picky. But not laughing and high fiving. This isn’t beach vollyball or some shit. Fighting is supposed to be intense. Fortunately, Scott Smith makes up for his lameness by finishing off Pete Sell with the most amazing hail mary punch in the history of mankind.

5. Marlon and Noah backyard brawl
The one thing I learned from watching this fight is that jiu-jitsu is a lot easier to do when the guy you’re using it on is drunk.

4. The BJ Penn hand raise thing
This incident gave me high hopes that the coaches would be at eachother’s throat through the entire show. Unfortunately, past the ping pong bout they left eachother alone for the most part.

3. Chris Leben is a fatherless bastard
I love the fact that Chris Leben’s parentage made the top three greatest moments. Very classy. And you know it’s true because it pissed him off so bad.

2. The “Do you want to be a fucking fighter” speech
What a surprise that Dana White’s ‘fucking fighter’ speech got #2 on the greatest list. For someone who hates the internet, Dana White must spend some time on there because the internet is the only place where anyone gives a shit about this particular ‘moment’.

1. Stephan Bonnar vs Forrest Griffin
Yeah, I’ll agree this was an entertaining fight, and a defining moment in UFC history. But goddamn was it ever a sloppy piece of shit. If you’ve ever wondered why boxers mock us and many people consider MMA to be a streetfight, you might have this fight to thank for it.

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