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I don’t know about the rest of you, but I feel like I’m in a funk. Maybe it’s the fact that mixed martial arts has been so lame lately. Or maybe it’s all the ketamine I’ve been doing. Either way, something’s gotta give and I’m happy to report that December looks like a good month for us:

  • Nov 30th: BodogFight Russia vs USA 2
  • Dec 1st: Cage Rage 24
  • Dec 8th: K1 World Grand Prix Finals
  • Dec 8th: Ultimate Fighter 6 Finale
  • Dec 8th: Mayweather vs Hatton
  • Dec 12th: WEC31
  • Dec 15th: Icon Sports
  • Dec 15th: HDNet Reckless Abandon
  • Dec 29th: IFL Grand Prix Finals
  • Dec 29th: UFC Nemesis
  • Dec 31st: K1 Dynamite
  • Dec 31st: Yarennoka!

All of these events are going to be televised and I’m sure if you’re smart you’ll be able to download them all or check them out on the youtubes. It’s been a rough two months to be a fight fan, and if none of these events deliver I’m just going to ditch this stupid website and blog about something good like Radiohead or “ice hockey”. Haha, just kidding. Both those things suck. But at the moment MMA is about 1 degree of suck above those, so it better fucking shape up or I’m outta here!

Remember back in the day when the IFL was that nice promotion that treated fighters well and took care of them? Well, fuck that shit. Lately things have been a little bit different for the tanking organization. Basically, I think they realized smiles and rainbows don’t pay the bills.

What does? Superstar fighters like Andre Gusmao! So rather than let Andre head to the UFC as has been reported over the past few weeks, the IFL has decided to exercise an option on his contract that lets them lock him into the IFL’s 2008 season. Things get even weirder from there:

The UFC had been in discussions with someone falsely claiming to be representing Gusmao and misrepresenting information during the faux negotiations. According to the source, the UFC was contacted by the IFL soon after hearing the reports of Gusmao’s departure.

The UFC, which had never extended a formal offer and never made an official announcement, ceased all negotiations with Gusmao after being contacted by the IFL.

Remember, folks. There’s always at least two sides to every story: what people want you to believe and the truth. In this case my spidey senses are pointing towards Gusmao attempting to sneak out the backdoor and getting sucked back into the IFL because of a shitty contract.

You know, sometimes I look in the mirror and think “Ryan, are you being too big of a cocksucker? Do you enjoy feeding off the pain of others too much?” And then the man in the mirror says “Man up, you fucking loser. Don’t make me trap you in here Heroes style while I keep things rolling on the site!”

And I guess the mirror is right: there’s nothing wrong with being an asshole. After all, Mac Danzig is an asshole too! So much that I’m declaring him an honorary Jackal for the consistant shit talking in his TUF blog. Check out these extracts from this week’s blog, all devoted to douche almighty Richie Hightower:

Somehow, in the fight recaps, Richie is again praised for not getting destroyed as bad as everyone expected, disregarding the fact that George had a virtually no-win situation on his hands fighting someone four to five levels below him. It’s like a professional chess player playing against a toddler with an extra chromosome, and when the toddler takes a pawn before losing, everyone praises him for it. In that case: Great job, Richie! You are an inspiration to us all.

Richie would make one hell of a great T-Ball player.

He says that “my bark is louder than my bite.” I have to laugh at that. This is coming from a guy who submitted by whining like a little girl into George’s anal cavity while kicking his feet like Fay Wray in “King Kong.”

The UFC seems to be getting clogged up with fighters who can win on any given night but aren’t about to be champions any time soon. No fighter fits this bill more than Shonie Carter. He’ll beat any fighter in the UFC just to prove that he can, but doesn’t have the consistancy to ever become a contender. There’s not too much you can do with a guy like Shonie, and he’s getting sick of waiting for the UFC to figure out what they want from him:

“They want me to sit back on my thumbs and get older and older, but I’m not 25; I’m 35. If the UFC is not going to put me on, then fucking cut me. I want my UFC Hall of Fame award, but ain’t no award, no medal, no plaque or no belt paying my bills. It’s to that point and I’m like, this is some bullshit. ”

“Dana White can give himself a 5 million dollar raise and a $700,000 swimming pool and Monte Cox just got himself a brand new Cadillac Escalade and a 1.8 million dollar house and I’m like, motherfucker, I’m trying to upgrade to a 2 bedroom apartment. I’m like, what the fuck man; none of those guys have taken one punch. Well, Monte may have because he’s done some boxing, but that’s pussy ass boxing.”

If you ask me, Shonie should do what every fighter with some name recognition should do: Give Ken Pavia a call. If Ken can hook Sean Salmon up with double digit matches, imagine what he can do with Shonie?

Like many other people, I enjoy a good “Chuck is high” joke. Who doesn’t love watching Chuck thrash around in his seat while watching fights? Or when he goes on talk shows completely fucked out of his tree on random medications? And hey, now lets add “showing up to award shows looking like he smoked all the weed in Vancouver”. Hang ten, Chuck. Hang ten indeed.

As with all things media related, I must bow to the MMA Fever boys for this pic. Someday I’ll buy them out and then fire them, Pride-style. Then they will re-emerge with another random website and I will go “Curses! Well at least I have the tape library.”

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