“I understand that they are gonna make me out to be a crazy nigga on next weeks episode. Well for the record i want to apologize ahead of time for my behavior there was a reason i kirked out and I’m sure they won’t show it. I’ll explain later. What i did was wrong I shouldn’t have rushed the camera man. Everybody around me told me don’t do the show for several reasons two being that i had a obvious weakness on the ground which every body saw and the other will air next week. America loves nothing more than to make a nigga appear to be crazy. At this point it is what it is but i’d just like to but that out there. In closing i’d just like to say that instead of rushing the camera man i should of rushed the cocksuckas who edited the show. Fuck you cowards who get on those forums and talk shit on me and other fighters. I read your shit some of you posted on me and guess what ya some dumb muthafuckas yeh I ain’t got no ground game but I dare anyone of you fags to stand with me. (Pussies) For the record maybe you get me on the feet but ain’t nobody ever beat me on the feet without paying a heavy price. If you see me on the streets man up muthafuckas test the waters homos ain’t no keyboard to hide behind. Or better yet introduce yourself to me and i’ll set it off for you you chicken shits. I got nothing to lose faggots I’m a man and live or die i fear no one.
P.S. I guess maybe i am crazy but you know what I really don’t give a fuck.”
The first half of Dorian’s statement is pretty level headed and goddamn if this isn’t true. Black guys on television seem to fulfill two purposes: to act all savage and to die. Fuck, even in that Transformers movie the only good robot that died was the black robot Jazz. And that black doctor on Grey’s Anatomy? They made him out to be a crazy nigga too.
Of course, Dorian doesn’t help himself much at the end of his statement. By the end he really is acting crazy, but I’ll give him a pass because I love the term “kirked out” and because I anticipate Dorian’s gonna provide one of the most awesome moments in reality show history next week. Dana White should be paying this guy more … his blowout is gonna be a bigger deal than that lame streetfight from season whatever.
I really hope the UFC isn’t blacklisting these guys forever for what happens on the show. You can’t drop people into a Lord of the Flies type scenario and then blame them when someone drops a boulder on Piggy’s fat face. If anyone is responsible, it’s Zuffa and Spike TV. Or perhaps the blame goes further: to all of America. Because Dorian Price is right … we love this shit. We fucking love it.
I’m glad this has finally been announced because I knew about it a few weeks ago and was itching to write something about it. I basically bullied Sam into spilling the beans by threatening to sic my readers on him, and it worked! Sweet. You guys are jackals and I love it.
Anyways, congrats to Sam who fulfilled every blogger’s secret dream of selling out. Of course, since Sam was already writing for CBS Sports, this is just the next level of selling out. Where once he got some of that sweet journalistic integrity, he’s now gonna get a taste of what it’s like to be a corporate shill.
Of course, people really have a warped idea of how being a shill works. Everyone’s now expecting Sam to be uber-critical of all non-ProElite companies. They’re also expecting him to drink the ProElite kool-aid. I very much doubt the first concern will happen, but of course he’s gonna drink the fucking kool-aid. Thomas Gerbasi drinks the UFC kool-aid. Fuck, Gerbasi MAKES the UFC kool-aid. And it’ll be the same for Sam: they’re paying him to cover ProElite. If they didn’t want him to give preferential coverage to their company, they wouldn’t have had to hire him.
Anyways, it comes down to this:
- Good – Another one of ‘us’ (‘us’ being the lowly blog bums) gets to make a decent living writing about MMA.
- Bad – That writing is now going on the ugly as sin ProElite website.
- Good – Sam Caplan now has unparalleled access to the second largest MMA company in the world (or third largest? Is HERO’s still ahead?), which means more good news and interviews for us.
- Bad – If Sam hears about Kelly Perdew ass fucking $kala in the broom closet during lunch, we might not get to hear about it.
But hey, if Sam covered stuff like that I’d be out of a job. And by job I mean draining hobby that has destroyed my business and personal life. So maybe it’s good that Sam doesn’t cover that kind of thing. So congrats to Sam Caplan for landing this sweet ass job and I look forward to harrassing him more down the road.
So what if it’s The Log, ‘SoCal’s #1 Boating and Fishing Newspaper’? Evan Tanner gets some press and we get to see a picture of his boat sunk in the harbor. Everyone else on the internet is all “Oh, poor Evan, blah blah blah”. Hey, I’ll give him some sympathy when it comes to his personal demons but his retarded boating misadventures are totally fair game. And it could be worse … a few months back we here at Fightlinker were expecting Evan to go down with the ship and never be heard from again.
What surprises me the most about this article is how well researched it is. Not only did these guys figure out who’s boat this was, the reporter followed up and read through Evan Tanner’s mad ramblings to get the skinny on why the fuck he left it in the bay. It was also nice of him to leave out a lot of the more salacious details of the whole affair. In short, I nominate this unknown writer to replace Kevin Iole at Yahoo Sports.
Zach Arnold has been walking around the past few days with a tent pitched in his pants, and you know what that means: JAPAN SCANDAL! In what everyone in America saw coming a mile away but apparently blindsided the Japanese, Zuffa pulled the plug on the Japanese PRIDE office, firing everyone with a phone call.
I can’t say I’m surprised. Actually, I am surprised that the office was even still open … sounds like a pretty sweet and easy job to have for a few months. Well, minus the soul-sucking aspect of not doing anything or knowing what’s going on. And then being fired over the phone and kicked out of the building. Okay, maybe that’s not the sweetest job ever, especially for those finicky Japanese. I’m sure there was much SHAME bestowed on everyone involved, many clenched fists, single tears, and shouts that Zuffa had no honor.
But hey, what was Zuffa to do? Japan has this hardcore attitude towards foreigners that makes doing business over there near impossible. To quote a western proverb, “Lucy ain’t ever going to let Charlie Brown kick that fucking football”. So it’s not really fair for them to get all pissy when Zuffa said stuff it and gave up on PRIDE.
First off let me say I’m sorry for not posting my thoughts on Michael Bisping vs Rashad Evans as UFC 78′s main event sooner. I saw the email in my mailbox around 9am and got all excited. Fingers crossed for Tito vs Wand I opened it up to see … well, you know the story. I spent the rest of the day in a listless stupor. Honestly, I felt like a faithful dog who’d just been kicked.
Now obviously I know I’m NOT a faithful dog. If anything I’m one of those annoying yappy dogs who pisses in the bed whenever you go out for an evening. But still, you get the point. I’m not going to go over why this match-up sucks … there’s 1001 other bloggers who have already done that. Luke Thomas does a good job of explaining why it sucks, and Ben Fowlkes at Five Ounces of Pain lays out what should be the three unbreakable conditions for a UFC pay per view main event:
- A championship title is at stake
- If no title is at stake, it should be a fight to determine number one contender status
- It is a grudge match of some kind with special personal significance for both fighters
So we all agree, this main event is a turd straight out of Satan’s anus. But how did we get here? Did Dana White and Joe Silva conspire to hit New Jersey with the worst main event for a PPV in Zuffa’s history? Are they testing us to see how shitty a card has to be to get less than 500,000 buys? Lets take a look.
In the beginning: Oh, things were looking so good for the New Jersey show just a few months back. BJ Penn had trounced Jens Pulver at the Ultimate Fighter 5 finale and the UFC was offering him a shot at the lightweight title. This title shot was all but locked into the New Jersey card. The only question was who Penn would fight: Sean Sherk or Hermes Franca.
Unless you’ve been living under a particularly large rock, you know what happened next. At UFC 73 on July 7th, Tito Ortiz and Rashad Evans fought to an uninspired draw. Tito literally gave this one away by grabbing the fence, but hey … Dana White is into head wax and rematches so a rematch was in the works before the crowd even stopped booing. Again: it was common knowledge this fight was gonna go on the UFC 78 card.
So now you’ve got a pretty sweet card: BJ Penn vs Sean Sherk for the lightweight belt and a rematch between Rashad Evans and Tito Ortiz. Not too shabby at all.
And here’s where everything falls apart.
Sean Sherk tested positive for Nandrolone, and since Dana White is good friends with Sherk he refused to strip Sherk of the belt until his appeal was dealt with. While that may have seemed like a good idea at first, I dunno if Dana realized the appeal would be postponed until the ass end of October. So there goes the title fight from the card.
As for BJ Penn, there was some talk of him staying on the card and fighting someone else, but my bet is he has no interest taking a filler fight while waiting for his shot at the belt. The UFC had a hard enough time convincing him to stay at lightweight at all, so they’ve now moved him to the UFC 79 card where he’ll be able to compete for the belt, be it occupied by Sherk or vacated.
Now onto the Tito Ortiz / Rashad Evans debacle. The story going around is that Tito was trying to bend the UFC over a barrel since he knew they needed him to get this PPV off the ground. Since Tito had no problem signing a fight against Rashad the first time around, there’s only two conditions I can see that would be dealbreakers for the UFC:
- Word is that Tito’s contract gives him a cut of PPV money on shows he headlines. If he was pushing for this and the UFC was saying the fight wasn’t a ‘headlining’ fight, that would definately be a dealbreaker.
- Tito’s all about winning back the belt. With kryptonite Chuck Liddell finally out of the picture, I have no doubt that Tito wants another crack at it. His condition for accepting this fight might be a title shot if he wins.
Neither of these two scenarios are bad enough to constitute as Tito ass fucking the UFC. But given Tito’s relationship with Dana White, I can see how the whole thing fell apart. Tito and Dana would have a hard time agreeing on the color of grass let alone these kinds of terms. The moment Dana White felt Ortiz was trying to use the weak 78 card to his advantage was the moment he said fuck it and moved on to other options.
And there you have it: A pay per view card that started off as pretty sweet is now reduced to a main event that’s better suited for an Ultimate Fight Night.
**Correction** We originally credited Sam Caplan with the three golden rules for a main event, when it’s actually Ben Fowlkes. But don’t worry Ben … the fact that people mistake your writing for Sam’s is a compliment all in it’s own.