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He said that Africa is hot, the Rock is a really nice guy, and the UFC CAN GO FUCK ITSELF! Okay maybe that wasn’t Randy Couture I was talking to. Maybe I wasn’t talking to anyone. In fact, maybe I’ve been in my cellar the past few days drinking peyote and hallucinating. That would certainly explain why this site has gone downhill the past few days, huh?

Let me just say that things have not been going very smooth over in Fightlinker Land lately. At least I’m not alone. To put things lightly, things have not been going smoothly for the UFC either. I’ve run out of creative ways to mock the UFC 78 main event, even the undercard is unraveling, HBO told them to go suck an egg, Fedor was snapped up by a mystery corporation, and now this: Randy Couture just quit the fucking UFC.

This is really amazing to me … how the fuck did Randy Couture quit? How was it even possible for him to quit? This is the UFC we’re talking about here, right? The company that writes contracts so evil and ironclad that black smoke comes out of them forming skulls. I’m flabbergasted that someone over at Zuffa thought it was a good idea to rely on Couture’s good will to stick around once he had the heavyweight belt. Probably one of those soft Fertitta dummies.

Randy’s “I quit” statement (mailed to Dana White and to The Fight Network, how about that?) mentioned the UFC’s inability to sign Fedor as a reason for leaving, plus being “tired of swimming upstream at this stage with the management of the UFC”.

Of course, you know who’s really responsible, right? Yeah. That fucking Yoko bitch Randy married. And to think I wrote a positive piece about this Judas with a vagina last week. I feel dirty and violated. It’s always like this with Randy – his last wife was such a pain in the ass about the whole MMA thing she convinced him to quit. So I guess this is a step up … this wife hasn’t gotten Randy to retire, she’s just gotten him to quit the UFC.

God fucking damn it. Women are the spawn of evil and nothing good in MMA will ever come from them being involved. It would be nice to imagine that Randy will magically show up on the new M-1 roster to fight Fedor there, but my bet is the Hollywood big bucks have lured Couture away for good. Perhaps his wife isn’t the only one to be blamed. I have to wonder if Randy hasn’t been spending too much time talking to another particular son of a bitch who left his respective organization when his movie career took off.

Luke Thomas wrote an annoyingly short critique of fighters who get into the ring without a game plan, so rather than write him an angry letter demanding all his posts contain 400+ words of original content, I’ve decided to steal his good blog topic and do it right myself.

Good fighters have game plans. Wait … correction. Good fighters have GOOD game plans. I feel my IQ drop every time I’m exposed to those pre-fight videos where a pimply fighter   with a faux-hawk (2002 called and wants their dumb hairdo back) says he’s going to try and keep it standing against a wrestling or jiu-jitsu master. That might hack it at Fightfest IX in Des Moines Idaho, but it certainly doesn’t in the UFC or any other league that isn’t run by a bald fat guy named Art.

Of course, Randy Couture is the man when it comes to gameplans and really should be credited with pointing out how fucking dumb a fighter is going into a fight without any kind of coherent strategy. He didn’t have to say anything. He just let his actions speak, and the actions of the fighters he cornered. And it seems to be working out pretty well.

There’s already a mentality that fighters need to do more cardio, do more strength training, spend more time on the mat and more time hitting the bag. But I’d love to know how many guys are pushing to see more tape on their opponents, talking to guys who’ve fought their opponents before, and all that jazz. That’s what I’d do if I was a fighter. Actually if I was a fighter I’d probably send my bodyguard out to hit my opponent in the knee with a steel baton. Then when they put me up against some last second replacement I’d get subbed and cry to the judges that my glove laces snapped. Then maybe I’d do a sex tape, some celebrity boxing, and then fade into obscurity. How’s that for a gameplan?

You’d imagine with all of the hard work the UFC has done to repair their shitty heavyweight division over the past year, they’d have a better bout for #1 contender than Brandon Vera vs Tim Sylvia. However, the guys at MMAJunkie normally won’t give you their opinion on the fucking weather, but they ARE saying that’s what it looks like:

Current champ Couture will likely return to action Feb. 2 for a SuperBowl weekend card in Las Vegas. There’s been speculation that he would face Fedor Emelianenko, but the PRIDE heavyweight champion seems to be in no hurry to sign with the UFC. And, as of now, no Plan B has been mentioned.

Additionally, a bout between top contenders Cheick Kongo and Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira has been pushed back until early 2008, so the fight’s winner wouldn’t be ready for Couture in February.

As for other possible opponents, a rematch with Gabriel Gonzaga seems unlikely, Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic has lost two in a row (and reportedly isn’t returning phone calls from the UFC), Andrei Arlovski still hasn’t gotten a new deal (and would probably need a tune-up fight anyway), and Fabricio Werdum seems to have fallen off the face of the earth since a lackluster loss to Arlovski in April.

Okay, so lets ignore for the moment that I’m about two days behind on the news and that Couture has quit the UFC. It doesn’t really change the fact that all the dudes the UFC brought in to pad the weight class have fucked things up a la Three Stooges. Mirko’s had two chances to get himself into the title running, and the UFC is pacing Big Nog’s performances at glacial speed.

The UFC’s refusal to sign Josh Barnett, re-sign Andrei Arlovski, ignore Werdum, and of course land Fedor have added up to create quite the quagmire. I’m sure no one expected us to come full circle the way we have with no better contenders than ballroom dancer Tim Sylvia and overhyped Brandon Vera.

Fuck I’m sick of writing about the IFL. There’s three kinds of stories I can write about them:

  • The IFL is doing something stupid to try and make money
  • The IFL is fucking up a good idea that could actually make them money
  • The IFL is cutting costs in all the wrong ways to try and save money

This one here is a cutting cost story, and the person on the chopping block is Frank Shamrock and his lame ass Razorclaws. The official reason is that his team hasn’t been performing up to par. My bet is that the IFL is sick of paying Frank a retarded amount of money to be a coach when they can’t seem to convert his popularity into any money or attention for the league. Fuck, I’d practically forgotten that Frank even had an IFL team. Doesn’t his brother also have one of those things or something?

This just goes to show you that the IFL sucks at marketing. There’s no one in the universe that’s better at stirring shit and causing drama than the Shamrock brothers. The fact that the IFL hasn’t been able to do anything with these two (while Frank has been in the middle of a comeback no less) boggles my mind. Either the people running the IFL are incompetent or there’s something rotten with the structure of their system where they can’t get their coaches to lift a finger to help out.

Either way it doesn’t bode well that they’ve had to fire Frank Shamrock because they can’t seem to make him profitable for their company. I don’t buy the whole team record shit … Don Frye and Igor Zinioviev’s teams are doing about as well as a bunch of 9 year old Taekwondo blackbelts would in the IFL.

As a general rule I try to ignore all stories mixing MMA and pro wrestling, but I’ve ignored this story for as long as I can. You guys know my thoughts on pro wrestling. You also know my opinion on pro wrestlers in MMA. And finally you know that the IFL can’t implement a good idea well, let alone a bad one.

The bad idea in this case: Kurt Angle fighting for the IFL.

On the surface, it doesn’t seem like a bad idea. Kurt would pop the ratings for the IFL and draw in hokey pro wrestling fans who are already hooked to a sub-par product. But the devil is in the detail, and that’s where you start to realize that this deal would suck for the IFL. The amount of cheddar they would have to pony up for one fight from Angle would be vast indeed, and I doubt you’re going to be getting more than two fights a year out of the guy. That’s assuming the IFL is even around for another year.

Despite all his yapping about MMA domination, I doubt Kurt Angle is deluded enough to step into the ring with a real name in the MMA world. So you are basically going to have Kurt Angle vs some random guy (which is lame). Add in the fact that the IFL has never been good at marketing it’s existing talents, and there’s no way Kurt Angle is the answer to the IFL’s problems. Although he would be an interesting distraction to watch as the IFL sinks into bankruptcy.

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