I don’t ‘do’ cable TV any more … I stopped watching it right around the time The Learning Channel became The Retard Channel and SpikeTV stopped showing Star Trek: The Next Generation in favor of Star Trek: The Homosexual Shows. Generally TV channels were getting worse and worse, and as I understand A&E followed the trend. A channel that was once all about … er … ARTS and ENTERTAINMENT became the home for Criss Angel and Dog the fucking Bounty Hunter.

Honestly, I had thought that they had canceled every show with any kind of redeeming intellectual qualities, but apparently the show Biography is still on, and there’s plans to feature UFC legend Randy Couture in one. Which is awesome, because I really wanna find out what the deal was with his first (or second?) Yoko-style bitch of a wife. I also wanna see if his daughters are hot or not. In my mind it could really go either way: they could be total hotties or just look like nasty Randelinas with long hair and lumpy tits.

Ryan and Jacob discuss a variety of topics, including:

Cheesy Beef Tacos – Ultimate Fight Night 11 – How to win – How not to lose – We are the awesomeness – Homosexuals in mixed martial arts – The ‘Butt Scoot’ – Lesbians on Fightlinker – Erin Bucknell on Fightlinker’s face – The Ultimate Fighter – The Annoy-O-Meter – Crazy guys named Roman – Big vaginas named Joe – UFC 76 – Callin’ Luke out again – Pride fighters overhyped? – Praying for Keith Jardine

42 minutes of pure MMA madness. Download it here or stream dat shit using the Talkshoe app to your right. Last but not least, you can subscribe to our show via iTunes if you swing that way.

There sure was a boatload of controversy surrounding last weekend’s Carano-Evinger match. From the initial weight cut hoopla to that lesbian crap, everything about the match was exciting, except for the match itself. The main topics of conversation after the fight was over were accusations that the fight was fixed, and “what Mauro said”.

I’m not really going to get into the fight fixing thing … suffice to say if Gary Shaw was going to fix the fight he would have had Evinger stand and trade with Carano (like the Tony Fryklund / Cung Le fix .. er, fight). I’m going to attribute Gina’s win to Evinger’s complete lack of jiu-jitsu … she’s a wrestler not a grappler, people. There’s a difference.

Anyways, the other big thing was “what Mauro said”. Here it is in a nutshell:

After Ranallo recounted some questionable comments in their own right from Evinger during the final pre fight press conference that included her proclamation that she’d like to “make out” with Carano but would instead settle for knocking her out, analyst Bill Goldberg attempted to side step the periphery topic (and possibly redirect to the actual events unfolding in the ring at that moment?) by saying “I’m not going to touch that one with a 25 foot pole, Mauro.” Ranallo persisted, however, saying “I’d like to touch it with a 25 cm one but instead we’ll just call the fight.”

Sure, everyone laughed. But afterwards we felt kinda bad for laughing. I’m not really going to go into a deep analysis of why Renallo’s comments were wrong and inappropriate … honestly, I don’t really care either way. What really amuses me about this whole situation is how Renallo is taking all the heat on this, when Bill Goldberg was obviously in on the setup as well.

I’m gonna let you in on a little secret: there’s a certain amount of rehearsing and preparation that goes into commentating an event like this. Do you think Mauro Renallo comes up with all those dumb puns off the top of his head? Bill Goldberg can barely string his thoughts into coherent sentences … how likely is it that he perfectly set up Renallo for the greatest comedic slam dunk in MMA history? There’s no doubt in my mind that Goldberg and Renallo thought this bit up beforehand and were waiting for just the right moment to use it.

One of the big problems with the IFL’s format is that mixed martial arts is a bit more physically demanding than your average league sport. When you’ve got two guys beating eachother up, injuries are gonna happen and they’re going to happen often. Let’s just take a look at the IFL finalist Pitbulls team: their regular heavyweight Bryan Vetell is injured, and now their replacement heavyweight Tom Sauer is also injured. Word is Renzo Gracie wanted light heavyweight alternate Jamal Patterson to step up a weight class but that was nixed by the Florida Athletic Commission. The result: The IFL has brought in former UFC champion Ricco Rodriguez as a ringer.

When looked at in the context of a fight, this is pretty exciting news. The original team matchup would have resulted in Bryan Vetell vs Ben Rothwell, not that hot of a ticket. But Ricco Rodriguez vs Ben Rothwell is a much more interesting matchup … Ben is one of the top dogs in the IFL and many people are excited to see how he fares against ‘major league’ competition. Heh.

But when looked at in the context of, oh I dunno … a fight league, this is some pretty fucked up shit. Honestly, I don’t know enough about the IFL’s stupid rules and procedures to know if this is technically ‘unfair’. But it sure seems unfair to the Silverbacks that at the last minute one of the Pitbulls gets replaced with a former heavyweight champion. If the Pitbulls win because of Ricco, will there be any controversy? Well, maybe there would be if anyone actually gave a shit about the IFL. For me, this is just another example of why the league format is stupid.

After a month of silence, Evan Tanner has posted on his blog revealing a lot of personal issues and a laundry list of shitty news. Before I really get into all that, I wanna talk about the name of this blog post. You might think it’s insensitive of me to lead in saying Evan’s off the wagon, and you might be expecting me to make fun of Evan Tanner for being a drunk. Well, that ain’t gonna happen, because there’s nothing funny about his current situation. Which sucks, because his past situations have always been great for a laugh.

The reason I’m calling this post ‘Evan Tanner fell off the wagon’ is because that’s the important part of this story. Other heartless bastards across the internet are concentrating on “Evan Tanner not training” or “Evan Tanner not fighting in the UFC any time soon”. Yes, these are both accurate statements, but they’re not what we should be concentrating on. Evan Tanner isn’t just a UFC fighter, and we shouldn’t just care about when he’s going to return to the ring.

Anyways, in case Evan’s post was depressing you and you wanted the Coles Notes version of his story, here it is: He’s drinking again, he’s out of money, he’s out of shape, he’s not training, his boat is busted and beached, his friends are sick of him, and he may have pneumonia. There’s definitely a good blues or country song in all that, but I’m not so sure if there’s a great comeback story. Well, if Evan pulled it off it would be an amazing comeback story. But I just don’t know if I see it happening. Which sucks balls.

If there is a comeback story, it’s not likely to be with the UFC. In my opinion, Tanner’s salvation lies in an unusual source: Gary Shaw. Bear with me here people … Shaw has proven time and time again that he’s willing to do some pretty unusual shit to put fights together. You all remember the strings pulled to get Krazy Horse Bennett out of jail for his match. Compared to that, is helping Evan Tanner clean up that much of a stretch?

Tanner’s problem is he doesn’t have the resources to pull himself out of the situation he’s gotten into. Gary Shaw’s problem is he doesn’t have a lot of depth in his middleweight division. These guys can provide solutions to eachother’s problems. And what’s it to Gary Shaw? Fuck, Shaw gets a 10,000$ a month allowance from EliteXC to cover his living expenses. So what if the company foots the bill for Evan’s rehabilitation, training, and basic living expenses for a few months? At worst the company is out a few thousand bucks. At best they’ve locked themselves in an enormous talent with great name value. Not to mention helped a good man pull himself back from the edge of ruin.

Anyways, the above scenario works past Gary Shaw and could be replaced by any number of other benefactors, fight organizations or training camps. Obviously I don’t know the inside scoop on Evan’s situation … it could be that this has all been tried in the past by others. But it’s a nice pipe dream, and I have to hope that there can be some light at the end of the tunnel for Evan Tanner. If there was ever a time I wished the shit I wrote on this blog actually counted for something, now would be the time.

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