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Dana white has been on a rage lately about the interwebs. After UFC 76, Dana White choked with rage and snarled his hatred of the unjust websites that always downplayed his organization’s fighters. Now he’s at it again, blaming internet forums as a place where snake oil and lies are sold regarding the kind of money fighters really make. In this case, he’s specifically saying that Randy Couture thought people were making more money than him based on what he read on the internet:

“This business is like a beauty salon,” he said. “These guys are all the toughest guys in the world, but they’re like (expletives) in a beauty salon. They pass along rumors and gossip, which has no basis in reality and they believe all the (rumors) they hear. The Internet is very powerful and one of the best promotional tools we have, but it’s a crazy place.

Bitches in a beauty salon. I gotta remember that one.

Now I can’t really imagine Randy Couture in front of a computer. He seems like the kind of guy who can handle guns, motors, and heavy machinery at ease. But put him in front of a computer and I bet he tippy taps the keyboard with two fingers and doesn’t understand the concept of a double-click. So to say that he’s getting his information off the internet could be a bit suspect. Of course, I don’t doubt that many of the fighters he talks to on a daily basis DO get their numbers off the internet, so Dana is kinda sorta correct in that way.

But when Dana’s talking about internet and bogus financial information, is he talking about the financial information posted by sites directly from Athletic commission info? Because while I’m sure ‘PuZZyBanGa’ on the Underground may not be a trusted source, I’m pretty sure the Athletic Commissions are reliable. Or is he talking about his personal friend Dave Meltzer, who often comments on the hidden bonuses paid out to fighters?

The truth of the matter isn’t that there’s too much info out on the webs, it’s that there’s too little. Randy Couture said that he felt he was being lied to when the UFC said he was the 2nd best paid guy in the UFC. Obviously if you look at the comparisons between him and other fighters on Athletic Commission scales, you’d be ready to agree with Randy. According to the Commish, Randy made 250k straight win or lose, while Mirko Crocop made 350k straight win or lose. I’m sure Wanderlei Silva told Randy what his deal was worth and I don’t doubt it’s probably around the 250k scale if not more.

But one important bit of information that’s missing are the super secret bonus bucks that everyone’s always whispering about. Randy’s contract contains PPV bonuses that push his pay on a fight up past the million dollar mark. Word is that Randy was one of the last fighters to get this kind of general PPV deal and now fighters are just offered more on the downside instead. While it’s unknown as to if the PRIDE fighters have clauses in there for championship fights and defenses, I can tell you now that Crocop and Shogun haven’t gotten a percent or even a cent from PPV revenue so far.

I don’t doubt that Wanderlei Silva might have a specific deal to fight Chuck Liddell that pays him more than Randy Couture made to beat Gabriel Gonzaga. But it’s important to consider the fact that Silva doesn’t have the same kind of guarantees built into his contract as Randy. If Silva loses, he doesn’t keep collecting sweet paychecks. In fact, past the Liddell fight the only way I can see him making significantly more than what’s revealed on the commission books is if he’s fighting for the belt.

So it’s easy to say the UFC told ‘bold faced lies’ to Randy Couture. But contracts are not simple things. While there will be mega-fights where guys are making more on one occasion, I bet if you put Randy’s contract up against everyone but Chuck’s, he’d come out on top financially in the long run.

I don’t know. But Sam Caplan does. He came by the site earlier and talked about how he masturbates in public. Plus he commented on our last M-1 related post with the following:

Actually, the promoter for the “new” M-1 won’t be Finkelstein. He’ll remain as a consultant but they’ve hired a recognizable name in the industry to handle promoting.

So what … the … fuck. First I find out insiders were hearing rumors of Randy Couture’s departure last week. Now we have a situation where no one from the MMA media is willing to spit out who’s bought M-1. Since when did everyone start sitting on the news instead of spreading it? I thought the point of these stupid websites was to pass along information and talk about it. What happened to journalistic integrity? What’s the point of me running this site if you guys are already making a mockery of MMA reporting?

Here’s the deal people: I’ve got a hammer and I’ve got a bag of kittens. If someone doesn’t start talking soon, I’m gonna make me some kitty pancakes.

**UPDATE** Yeah, I specifically harp on Sam, but that’s just because he’s the only one that responds to my emails. This message goes out to all the rest of you people keeping the info hush hush too.

We’re a week away from UFC77 in Cincinnati, and all I have to say is “Where’s the hype?” I understand that with the sky falling, it’s easy to forget about this event. But even before Randy took a hike there was very little coverage going on for this show. Fuck, I’m GOING to the show and I haven’t even really bothered to take a close look at the undercard to see who’s fighting. Some guys I think. Should be okay.

But seriously now: the 77 card is pretty decent, especially considering it’s the last good card we get for two months. We should be all abuzz by now. There should be 500 threads on Sherdog debating if Rich Franklin is gonna need a nose job or not after his fight. Instead there’s maybe 100. Even the pre-event phone conference was a half-assed affair, with barely any questions and very little sizzle indeed.

So what the fuck is wrong with us all? Where’s our passion? Where’s our pep? Are we so wrapped up in the politiks going on in the sport that we’ve become bored of the actual sport itself? Or are we suffering from what I call layover depression, where the UFC stacks a bunch of events close to eachother to work us up and then dumps us for a month to wait like a junkie shaking in the corner for his next hit. Of course, after a while the drug dependency is gone and we’re no longer jonesing as bad. That doesn’t mean we won’t do it again when it’s offered to us. But we’re no longer sucking cock in alleyways for crack.

Jeez people, I’m sorry if I disappointed some of you by not blaming Dana White for Randy Couture’s sudden departure from the UFC. I know you come here for seeking validation for your anger, and when I’m not raging against the same machine it tends to piss you off. So when I blamed Randy Couture’s manager / penis sheath wife instead of UFC brass, it didn’t go over so well. ‘Swaarwerd’ wrote me this email:

hey dude what is up with your couture post? You spent the whole time spouting hateful and sexist comments againt randies wife when you should really be going against the ufc for not paying its fighters or giving them the respect they deserve. hopefully youll point that out because i think its worth saying

Okay, first off I’m an equal opportunity hater. I’ll call Randy a bastard and Kim a bitch. There are many cases where men are also bitches (see Kevin Iole for proof). If Kim had happened to be a man, I would have ripped on ‘him’ just as much. It just happens to be that Randy Couture prefers to have sex with women instead of men (supposedly). And he lets these women wear the pants in the relationship. Kim decided the UFC wasn’t treating Randy fairly, so Randy left. Catalyst: Kim.

That doesn’t absolve UFC brass of all liability of course. But I’m a bit more sympathetic to them than I am to her. The UFC is in a tricky situation now where they’re fucked if they do, fucked if they don’t. Everyone is kicking and screaming for fighters to be paid more. But because the UFC paid all the PRIDE guys a retarded amount of money you now have half the UFC fighters ready to revolt over it.

The UFC is paying PRIDE guys based on their perceived rankings … Shogun, CroCop, and Wanderlei were all signed and paid mega bucks based not on their drawing power but on the idea that they were three of the top fighters in the world. This is lucky for them because the average Joe six pack has never seen a PRIDE event and often times never heard of these people. It’s very interesting that the UFC decided to base their pay on talent-level … it shows a certain respect for the sport that I don’t think was noticed by many people.

But this is also where the UFC is getting into trouble – UFC fighters see these guys with little to no draw coming in and making 10 times what they are. It’s understandable that some friction is created, especially when these mega-buck fighters end up getting tooled by TUF alumni (who are in turn being tooled by serf-like contracts).

Yes, I agree that UFC management has to turn their asshole-meter down from an 11 to a 6. At the very least they have to stop emasculating their fighters and prospective fighters constantly to the press. But when Randy Couture says he’s leaving the UFC because ‘the money’s not good enough’ / ‘the money’s too good for others’, it just sounds stupid. I have no doubt that after Couture signed his contract, the pay scale for other top fighters went up. And I have no doubt that when the time came for Couture to re-sign, his pay would have been upped again above the pay of these other guys. But you can’t sign on the dotted line in March and then bitch about your deal several months later. That’s fucking lame.

Okay, as of right now, 1:35AM EST, no one has been revealed as the mystery shopper who bought M-1 and signed Fedor. Yeah I know, sucks that I time release these posts, but if I’m not asleep between 8am and 5pm I’m stuck doing community service so deal with it! Indecent exposure is such a bullshit charge. How the fuck is masturbating on *your own balcony* indecent exposure? Free society my ass.

Anyways, I’ve been tempted to hold my tongue until the cat’s out of the bag on all this, but I can’t help but say it now: Whoever bought M-1 has more rubles than sense. Haha, a currency joke. I rule.

Let’s take a look at what you’re getting when you buy M-1. You get access to the meh Red Devil fighters that you could have had anyways. You get access to Fedor who you could have gotten anyways. You get a promoter in Vadim Finkelstein who has already freelanced for other companies in the past. And maybe you get something of a roster of fighters, or maybe not. I don’t speak russian and since I’ve never heard of anyone past Fedor actually ‘signed’ to M-1 for more than one off fights, I’ll assume any roster they have is full of no name bezdel’nik and lentyaj.

The only way this mystery buyer could justify this purchase is if they did it just for Fedor. And while that ‘justifies’ it, it also proves that they’re idiots. Has no one learned anything from what’s been happening in the UFC over the past 6 months? Is no one paying attention to the number of PRIDE fighters going into the UFC and getting tooled by mid-level talent? I don’t believe in the PRIDE curse, but there’s a certain amount of truth to the fact that many of it’s fighters aren’t quite as unbeatable as we all once thought.

If the mystery buyer bought the company to gain a competent promoting partner, that’s fucking stupid too. Finkelstein may be able to put together a slick event in Moscow using his shady government connections, but the day you put him in charge of overseeing an event in the States is the day you’re gonna see a worse promotional disaster than K1 Dynamite, followed by the uranium poisoning of Armando Garcia. At least there’s one positive thing that would come out of that.

I could go on for hours and hours, but I hate directing all my rage towards some anonymous target. Hopefully sometime this weekend we’ll know who the shmuck is who bought this lemon and we can all point and laugh together.

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