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I tried to figure out several different ways of reporting the news that Thales Leites was out of his bout with Nate Marquardt but i just couldn’t manage to make myself give a shit. No disrespect to Thales, I just don’t know enough about him at this point to care. I vaguely remember his quick wins over Floyd Sword and Ryan Jensen, but it’s all just a blur. Why oh why must I drink myself stupid whenever I watch the UFC?

Anyways, this story has taken an interesting turn because the UFC has gotten Jeremy ‘Gumby’ Horn to fill in. Horn was ‘the shit’ a few years back until he seemed to get burned out and started phoning in performances for paychecks. But who can blame the guy? He’s had well over a hundred fights … I know most ‘factual’ websites like to stick to the Fight Finder for their stats but you just know the guy was traveling the earth back in the day battling it out like Kane in Kung Fu. That shit doesn’t make it into the Fight Finder, just like Houston Alexander’s weekly kumite outings didn’t either.

I’m fucking hyped to see what Horn does with this second chance at stardom. If there’s anyone who deserves to make it in the UFC, if only as a crafty veteran gatekeeper, it’s Jeremy Horn. Let the dude make some good coin off fights and bonuses so he can retire and avoid the same fate as Dan Severn, who’s fifty-something and still fighting every other week for some Rib Shack sponsored promotion in the mid-west.

(oh, image is from Northwest Fight Scene, which is an awesome site that you gotta check out if you live anywhere around there so you can catch Dan Severn next time he’s nearby.)

Pramit Mohapatra got in touch with Melvin Guillard a few days ago, which was a good idea because Melvin is always an entertaining guy with about 500 things to say. Quotes from this interview are already floating all over other MMA sites, but they’re all missing the best quote of all. Any time a fighter talks about “nuts on neck” action, you better believe we’ll post about it here at Fightlinker:

No, I can never understand that and nobody is ever going to make me understand that. He disrespected me after the fight. He put his nuts on the back of my head. When I catch him, I’m going to kick him in his [expletive deleted] nuts.

I can’t look at that and respect that. Because of the beef we have? Naw, I can’t. That’s honestly like me seeing him next time … and I spit in his face. My dad always told me if a man spit on you or slapped you, [expletive deleted] kill him. And if he put his nuts on my head on national TV, I’m going to [expletive deleted] kill him, period.

So, there’s no way I’m ever going to overlook that and be like, “Naw, it’s cool because we were having problems.” Hell no. I ain’t ever gonna let another man do that to me and get away with it.

Melvin seems to be one of those bullies from High School who thinks it’s okay to do whatever the fuck they want to you, but the second you do anything to them they just explode. As far as I’m concerned, as soon as you sucker punch someone you open the floodgates to all sorts of surprise retaliation, such as the aforementioned nuts-on-neck-gate.

When you think about that, it’s a pretty primal thing to do … I’m sure Desmond Morris would have a few things to say about the symbolism of such an act in relation to the animal world.

When I heard EliteXC was looking to stick Paul “Semtex” Daley on one of their cards, I was pretty excited. Paul is an exciting dude who can kick some serious ass, and his girlfriend is hot to boot. Originally they were gonna put Daley up against Mike Aina, who nearly upset Nick Diaz a few months back. But Aina got hurt, and now we’re stuck with Sam fucking Morgan.

The last time anyone saw Sam, he was in Strikeforce as the latest hand picked opponent for Cung Le to pick apart. As a can, he’s a great choice. He’ll make for an entertaining fight and quite possibly an impressively devastating knockout. But I wanted to see if Daley was the real deal, so I’m kinda annoyed. Like I said when I was breaking down the April UFN, good fights answer questions. The only question this fight answers is “Is EliteXC thin on talent?”

Oh, one area EliteXC’s got a bunch of talent in is with their photography, which is done by the very wonderful Esther Lin. Check out her stuff and show sum respec’

Eugh, I feel so dirty. Not minutes after I talked about the IFL being dumb for competing with the UFC over Feb 29 / March 1st weekend, I stumbled upon a Kevin Iole article where he said the same fucking thing. Agreeing with Kevin certainly makes me feel very strange, although I suppose considering the amount of garbage we both spew it was bound to happen sooner or later.

To cleanse my palate of this situation, I’ve decided to take something else he wrote about in his article and shit on it. One of his readers was asking about the idea of MMA as an Olympic sport and Kevin said ‘it was an idea that made sense’. LOL HES SO STUPID!!!11

I would really like to know exactly how in hell MMA would work at the Olympics. God knows they totally vagina-cized boxing, turning it into four 2 minute rounds with opponents wearing gigantor sparring helmets. If the people running the Olympics think boxing is too brutal, I can’t even imagine how they would react to MMA.

Better to just try and get submission grappling or something in there, or how about actually paying attention to the disciplines of MMA already included, like wrestling or Judo? Wha? Huh? You’ve never checked that out? Yeah, I forgot that no one actually cares about the Olympics any more.

Bonus Factual Error by Kevin: Kevin claimed “The number one sticking point for Fedor was money. Secondarily, he wanted to compete in the World Sambo Championship and the UFC didn’t want to allow it.” Of course, anyone who isn’t a shit for brains UFC lackey knows that the UFC was offering the most money, but their contract was brutally restrictive and had clauses which forced Fedor to renew his contract indefinitely if he was champion, plus allowed the UFC to dump him at any time for any reason. In short, it was the “Bend over and take it like a bitch” contract, not money.

Super bonus shill points go to whoever sent in this ‘question’ to Iole’s mailbag:

Kevin, I just wanted to rave about your articles. I love how they are crisp and flow the way they do. I’m a huge fan of MMA (since the mid-90’s) and read everything I can get my hands on. Your work is probably the best on the subject. We just seem to get a little more info in your articles than with other writers on the subject. Your last story “Always a Fighter” with Wanderlei Silva was great.

I wish I could say I was the one who wrote this and it was all a big joke to celebrate Opposite Day, where you say the exact opposite of whatever you really mean to say. But alas, I have to hope some other trickster beat me to the punch. Otherwise let this be proof that the human race is getting dumber.

Oh shit, our IFL quota has already gone over but we’re still talking about it! Red alert red alert! But I can’t help it … I love pointing out when the IFL shoots itself in the foot. Sure, it’ll probably cost us about $26 worth of banner advertising from them down the road and a surly email from Kurt Otto sooner or later stating he doesn’t enjoy being called a cockface, but whaddevah. We’re not in this to make money … well, I guess that’s the eventual plan. Hmmm. Fuck.

Back to the IFL shooting itself in the foot. As I’ve said before, IFL news seems to work in a good news / bad news fashion. For example, the good news is XTreme Couture will be participating at the next IFL event. The bad news is that Shawn Tompkins is manning the team, instead of that other guy who has something or other to do with XTreme Couture. What was his name again? It’s on the tip of my tongue. It’s too bad he’s not involved because I hear he’s pretty popular or something.

The newest edition of Good News / Bad News comes in the form of the IFL’s next event, which features XTreme Couture, Top Team, and three belt defences. Not too shabby, and like I said it seems like the IFL has tricked me into watching yet another of their shows. But I’ll probably be one of the few since the event is going to be brutally overshadowed by UFC81, which is the next fucking day.

I don’t understand what the hell is going on in the pea brains of the IFL executives. They did the same fucking thing with their finals, putting it on the same night as UFC79. I’m sure someone kinda thought about that one for a few minutes then decided ‘Blargh, we can just do it like a lead in! Besides, I’ve already got the date printed on all these lame team jerseys!’

Anyways, I’m just saying the IFL ain’t making things any easier for itself. Oh, and Kurt Otto is a cockface.

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