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Wal-Mart in America is pretty much the most bestest thing ever. They have fucking everything! Gigantic Shrimp ring for twelve bucks? Check. Steven Seagal’s Cherry Blast energy drink? Check. Totally serious ‘Jesus Patrol’ t-shirts? Check. Fight magazines? Check check and check. Fucking awesome. Over the next few days I’m gonna go through these magazines on the toilet and write reviews for them. In fact, I think it’s just about time to start reviewing one riiiiight now…

Michael Rome (my blogger man-crush) is finally starting to turn me on … to the idea that the UFC is being stupid in refusing to work with M1 to make Randy/Fedor happen. By now you all know that M1 offered to do a co-promotion with the UFC but the UFC turned it down. Rome says that the downside of M1 doing this on their own is worth the UFC swallowing their pride and playing along:

Imagine this:   10 minutes into Sportscenter, the anchor interviews former UFC champion Randy Couture, who has succeeded in court against the UFC, and has now signed a 4 fight contract with a new startup organization.   He will fight Fedor Emelianenko, who many consider the best fighter in the world.   Randy goes on to put over the new group, and it is all over the news.

This is the only event that can really hurt the UFC at this point.   A co-promoted UFC show where M-1 is mentioned in the main event, Fedor is announced as a M-1 fighter, etc, really will do nothing for a company with no TV.   The only thing that can get them a meaningful deal is a contract with a big star like Randy Couture.

Of course, once I shake away the rose-tinted visions Michael weaves in my brain, I remember that there’s no way in fucking hell the UFC is going to let Randy Couture leave without giving them their two fights. If you ask me, it’s gonna be a Merchant of Venice-type situation, except instead of Jews getting fucked over it’ll be M1. The UFC will wait until things are announced, and then they’ll launch their court attack and totally fuck M1 over. Sure, they’ll look like massive cocks, but what’s worse … nice guys who lose Randy, or massive godzilla-like cocks who crush all competition?

I really wish the NJAC had released the pays from UFC78 because then I’d be able to put them side by side with the pay from last week’s WEC show and see which one cost Zuffa more. The WEC’s top dogs were paid well enough, with Jens Pulver getting the same amount of money he made fighting BJ Penn in the UFC, and Paulo Filho making 6k more than he did last time (strange raise huh?).

This is in line with the kind of money Zuffa paid out for their last WEC, and in line with how I think fighters working for a promotion like the WEC deserve to get paid. In general I think the UFC needs to give it’s middle-rung fighters a 20k base raise and the newbs and TUF fighters an 8k base raise in order to get rid of allegations that they’re basically exploiting knuckleheads who weren’t smart enough to enroll in business courses.

Of course, I know most of you Jackals are of the opinion that starved dogs bite harder. Me? I think it’s better to spend money on giving the dog super strength titanium teeth and bees in their mouths so when they bark bees come out. But that’s just me, so who knows.

Zach Arnold from FightOpinion sloshed through the IFL’s latest 8k forms and uncovered an interesting nugget of information (do I say ‘nuggets’ too much?):

The IFL filed a form 8k on Tuesday with the SEC, announcing the terms of their consulting agreement with Gareb Shamus. Shamus is being eased out of the IFL, but not without a sweet payday.

Retroactive to 11/20/2007 and ending on 5/20/2008, Shamus will be paid $20,833 USD per month for the next six months (or a sum amount of $125,000 USD).

If you weren’t aware, Gareb Shamus was the former IFL owner who has jumped ship, either because he didn’t like the direction Jay Larkin wanted to take the company or just because he had a shocking revelation that the IFL was a big dook and it was time to flush that shit.

Either way, 120k isn’t too shabby in the way of compensation from a flagging company that lost over 4 million bucks last quarter. Especially if Shamus didn’t spend any of his own money on the project, or paid himself back with stock money while he was boss.

It’s barely news any more when a fighter tests positive for steroids. From now on MMA websites should just make a big deal of things when an entire MMA card happens to be clean! Now that’s a big event! Latest in a looooong line of steroid users in MMA is Ariel Gandula, the can fighter the WEC fed to Doug Marshall at the last WEC:

Ariel Gandulla, who last fought at the World Extreme Cagefighting event in Las Vegas on Dec. 12, has tested positive for the anabolic steroid Nandrolone according to Keith Kizer, the executive director of the Nevada State Athletic Commission.

This is just the latest embarrassment for Ariel, who was supposed to be some hot shit up and coming submission specialist from American Top Team. He get subbed by the most basic armbar in the universe barely two minutes into his fight with a guy who’s about as known for his ground game as Captain Crunch is for it’s nutritional values.

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