Before we get started, I just want to say I only refered to Jenna Jameson as a whore for shock value. While on a technical level she ‘fits the bill’, I’m all right with her. It’s the hip thing to hate on Jenna Jameson, and I’m just not down with that. Just because she knows her way around a cock doesn’t mean she wouldn’t whup all of your asses in chess, Risk, Twister, or whatever game of skill you happen to use to measure intellect.

Anyways, back when the UFC did it’s Miramar Fight Night event, they invited Tito Ortiz to a big pre-event bash on base. Then they cancelled the invitation when they heard he wanted to bring Jenna Jameson with him. More specifically, Tito said he was bringing her, and some asshole commander said no. Tito then said fuck you guys, if I can’t bring my trophy pornstar I ain’t coming. No word on if this is the same asshole commander who also said no to other sexy things Marines enjoy like armored humvees and proper bulletproof vests.

Thank God the USO doesn’t have the same standards as the Marines. I heard their last World Gala had some chick from Thailand who does things with a pingpong ball you’ll never forget. This year they had to settle for Tito, Jenna, and that foreign guy from That 70′s show.

I gotta hand it to them though. Considering all the flag waving soldier supporting rhetoric everyone spews out nowadays, Tito and Jenna actually go out and get the shit done. What the fuck have you done other than put an American flag bumper sticker on your car? Or for our poor ethnic readers, enlisted half your family and lost two siblings over the course of the Surge. You might even be reading this shit in Iraq right now. According to Google Analytics, someone from over there is. And I’m hoping it’s not THE TERRORISTS.

**UPDATE** I changed ‘poor black readers’ to ‘poor ethnic readers’ … the trend amongst army recruiters now has shifted to focus largely upon hispanics, so I thought I would adjust my comment accordingly. And for those who think I’m racist for saying that, what’s worse: pretending the army isn’t targeting poor ethnic minorities or pointing that fact out?

Considering the state of the sport five years ago, it’s funny to hear people harping on the fact that UFC68 didn’t sell tickets ‘fast enough’. But I guess when the last show at the Honda Centre was so retardedly successful, it’s hard not to draw negative comparisons:

When UFC first came to the Honda Center in April of last year, about 16,000 tickets were sold out within 10 minutes — breaking an arena’s record.

Huntington Beach’s Tito Ortiz, who fought in UFC 59: Reality Check, may have contributed to the success, officials say.

Of course, it might have been the fact that UFC59 was packed to the tits with Evan Tanner, Karo Parisyan, Tito Ortiz, Forrest Griffin, Sean Sherk, Andrei Arlovski, and Tim Sylvia back when people actually liked Tim Sylvia. I’d sell my girlfriend into Middle Eastern slavery to go back in time and see that show live.

Maybe five years from now we’ll look back at UFC 76 and marvel at the star power that originated from the card. But as it stands today, the card was damn weak and I’m pretty impressed that it managed to sell 13,770 tickets.

 
Fresh off their out of nowhere announcement of Aleks E. vs Cabbage, Canada’s Hardcore Championship Fighting have put another notch in their belt with the signing of Little Nog to their roster. Note to Mark Cuban: that’s how you ramp up a new MMA organization. No one’s asking you to trade your pink tricycle for a jet powered motorbike just yet. But considering your resources, would it kill you to book a few guys on your first show who actually matter on a global scale?Last time I checked, Texas has 20 million people in it versus the 4 million who live in Alberta during the periods of the year it isn’t frozen under 12 feet of ice. And last time I checked HCF’s TV network The Score was available in 5 million homes, roughly the same number as HDNet is available in. Also, I’m pretty sure the HCF organization doesn’t own an arena. And the owners aren’t billionaires.

As I’ve said before, I’m all for slow and steady wins the race. But would it kill Mark Cuban to throw a few extra bucks in to get some fights going that some of us would actually care about?

**UPDATE** Mark Cuban has gone for broke and added Drew Fickett to his first card.

I always have a hard time knowing what to expect from Sherdog. They’ve got some really good regional columnists like Jordan Breen and Tim Leidecker, but some of their other guys just suck total balls. I’m sorry, but when your regional column comes out two hours after another website’s regional column and it’s basically the exact same thing, Professor Fightlinker is gonna give you an F for plagiarism. Or give the other site an A for espionage.

I guess the big problem with the Sherdog format is they’re great for specific news items but not so great for getting the ‘whole picture’ on the MMA scene. You’d have to be born around Chernobyl to have enough fingers and toes to count the major stories Sherdog has skipped over the years. Which is why it’s so shocking to me that they have an article now on the IFL’s shaky financial situation.

The article is a steamy piece of poo, but it’s not really the author’s fault. This thing had to be dumbed down for the average site reader, which means half the article is spent explaining what a company being ‘publicly traded’ means, and how the stock market works. Add in a dozen references to anonymous ‘Wall Street Traders’ and you’ve got another instance where Professor Fightlinker would be hard pressed not to give this thing an F.

Nothing in the article is anything new to us people who have been watching the IFL die an embarrassingly optimistic death for the past six months. So I guess this blog is just to point out the fact that when Sherdog starts writing about the company going down in flames, you know the end is near. This article reeks of Sherdog editors saying “Hmm, if ANOTHER major organization folds and we don’t cover it’s decline, we’ll look kinda silly.”

 
First off I gotta apologize: I’m way behind on news so you’re gonna be seeing some ‘last week’ stuff here. But it’s not like I’m the one cranking out exclusives or anything. You shouldn’t be coming here for cutting edge news, because we’re more like blunt trauma news. Anyways, the Ultimate Fight Night 11 pay figures have been released, and here’s my pithy observations:

  • Luke Cummo drinks his own urine, fights in the dark matches, and *still* makes 10 thousand dollars more than Kenny Florian, who headlined the show.
  • Din Thomas was the highest paid loser on the show, making 16 grand. No word yet on how much it’ll cost to put his knee back together.
  • Nate Diaz made 30k in his win over Junior Assuncao, proving yet again that TUF’s ‘six figure contract’ sounds better than it really is.
  • Kuniyoshi Hironaka has a 10k to fight / 10k to win contract, proving that while no one cares about these random japanese fighters, they’re still getting paid more than random noth american fighters like Leonard Garcia and Jonathan Goulet who only make 6k / 6k.
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