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Is there any better way to start the day than to be reminded of how little talent you have? Normally I leave that up to my girlfriend or my mother, but this morning I was reminded by reader ‘scritch’, who sent me some awesome drawings he did based on this weekend’s EliteXC show. Go check out his art blog, it’s worth digging through if you want to realize how bad you are at art compared to him.

1. Who the fuck is that goofball with the pink hair putting hats on all the fighter’s heads?

2. What the fuck is up with Gary Shaw and his ridiculous tracksuits? He comes into the ring after every fight looking like a big fat goodfella, giving people pats on the back with his heavily ringed hands and kissing them on the cheek. Mama mia!

3. How the fuck is DJ Hapa still involved with the company after everything he cocked up at K1 Dynamite? Sure, they were a bit smarter this time and took away his mic, but by the end of the show I was seeing red every time he’d do some turntable scratching over the post-fight interview. Someone needs to smash this fucker’s fingers with a sledgehammer.

4. And what’s with the hoochie dance squad? Hey, I like women just as much as guys like Vin Diesel or Jake Gyllenhaal. But come on! I’m embarrassed to watch a show that features these talentless hacks flop around the stage like Britney at the VMAs. I have a feeling $kala talent scouted these chicks using youtube booty shake videos.

5. I’d just like to point out to anyone who said Goldberg was getting better: he’s not. He was absolutely terrible throughout the entire show. If he wasn’t mocking the winning fighters, he was pissing off the crowd. I have no idea how he ever made it as a popular pro wrestler … the guy’s got less charisma than a cockroach.

con ·trived (kn-trvd)
adj.
Obviously planned or calculated; not spontaneous or natural; labored

Just in case you didn’t think the IFL Grand Prix was dumb enough as it is with 75% of the best fighters out with injuries, check this out:

The Fight Network is reporting that Wagnney Fabiano will no longer be facing Chris “The Polish Hammer” Horodecki at the IFL Grand Prix Finals on Dec. 29 at the Mohegan Sun Arena in Uncasville, Conn. Chris Horodecki will now be facing Shad Lierley Dec. 29 for the IFL lightweight title.

According to the report, Fabiano will be making the drop to 145 lbs. and will be fighting for the IFL featherweight belt Dec. 29.

If you were scratching your head and saying ‘featherweights in the IFL?’, don’t worry! You are not suffering from loss of memory! There were no featherweights this season in the IFL … this is something they’re setting up to prepare for next year.

But hey, who cares if the constant shuffling of this ‘tournament’ completely removes any aspect of legitimacy. Why would the IFL care about that? Perhaps they think so few people are watching that they can just switch things up at their whims and not expect people to notice. And hey, up until this point, I didn’t really care. But when you start changing the finals matchups … well, that’s up there with the ‘Misaki Incident’ from last year’s Pride Bushido. Sketchballs.

 
I dunno who was angrier about how Kimbo’s fight on Saturday went … him, or me. This is the second fight in a row that Kimbo has burned through like a Malibu wildfire, with his opponent lasting 17 seconds and maybe 4 strikes before deciding to puss out.

Moments after he won, you could hear Kimbo complaining “I didn’t even get to fight!”, followed by Gary Shaw and his spawn consoling him (hopefully with the promise of another fight in the next two months). I have to admit that while I wasn’t on the Kimbo bandwagon before, I am now. It’s not really because of anything I saw in the fight … 17 seconds isn’t really long enough to say anything definitive about the brawler. But I sympathize with the dude … he’s spent almost a year training MMA now and all he wants is some fucking respect. I doubt very much anyone is going to give him much based on this fight.

Respect is earned from three round barnburners, not 17 second slaughters. Just ask Houston Alexander … while there’s an army of retards out there proclaiming him as the next big thing, most of us know you can’t tell the measure of a man from his two short fights. There’s simply too many questions which haven’t been answered. And so it is for Kimbo Slice … the only question this fight answered was “How big of a vagina is Bo Cantrell?”

Unless you’re one of those cocksuckers using RSS to read this site (RSS gives you herpes), you’ll have noticed that we’re now 60% more orange than before! And while I’m sure new ideas, cultures, and layouts make you uncomfortable, I want you all to bear with us as we slowly roll out features en route to Fightlinker 2.0.

As it stands, I’m arbitrarily declaring this upgrade to be version 1.5, even though technically we’ve gone through several crazy changes over the past year and a bit. Over the next few days we’ll be dusting off new features and putting them live … the comic section (with OMG new comics!), the store (shirts, baby), and some other keen things.

As we mentioned on the Low Blow last week, we’ve got a new turbo-charged engine ready to go but we’re having trouble cramming it under the hood of our shitbox. This is step one, and past this point the look of the site won’t be changing … there’ll just be more stuff for you all to waste your time on.

Thanks again to everyone who reads and everyone who participates in the madness that is this site. I honestly don’t find myself amusing enough to keep all this up on my own, so the comments and emails are definitely appreciated.

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