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Whoever’s at the UFC that’s responsible for booking Japanese talent needs to be punched in the face 5000 times by Houston Alexander. Stop booking the wrong guys, goddamnit. The last thing the UFC wants to do is encourage the stereotype that Japanese fighters are bland and never finish fights. While Akihiro Gono certainly has some flashy entrances, over half of his 46 fights have gone to a decision. BORING!

I don’t like Jake O’Brien, but when I heard that he had a potentially career ending injury, I was nice and wished him a speedy recovery. Now that his recovery is almost complete, I can go back to shitting on him for being a boring lay n pray fighter that I never want to see in the Octagon again.

Here’s an idea: let’s put Jake O’Brien against Justin McCully. Or perhaps we shouldn’t … the combination of these two unskilled opponents might be too much for the fabric of the space/time continuum. A vortex will open up in the Octagon and Deep Elder Cthulu will emerge from within to enslave earth. Fortunately, Jake O’Brien will score the takedown on Cthulu and lay on him for the next 4 million years, saving mankind with his brave sacrifice/strategy.

There’s a few things we’ll never be as good at as the Japanese : fuel efficient cars, cartoons, and theatrical fighter entrances. The above picture is the entrance ramp for the K1 HERO’s Middleweight Tournament event two weeks ago. This wasn’t even their big New Years Eve show and they still dropped some serious coin to have a rediculously elaborate entrance.

You can’t see it in the picture, but under the white movie placard are water jets, and they created a groovy shower effect that the fighters walked through. Practical? Fuck no. But cool? Hai, imouto-san.

Just an FYI for y’all: Wanderlei Silva is done with Florida and is now relocating to Sin City:

At first, the idea was to set up a training structure in Palm Springs, Florida. The desire to completely adapt to the UFC, however, caused Wand to leave Thea and Thor in Disney World’s home state for the time being and move with his physical trainer Rafael Alejarra to the fight sport’s world capital.

“Training here is different, it is at a higher elevation, with a drier climate. Lots of people fool themselves by thinking they just need to show up and fight. I’m doing my best to grow as a fighter and a person. I’m still getting my life here together, looking for a place to live, and soon my wife and son will be here with me,” said Wanderlei Silva to GRACIEMAG.com.

Before we get started, I just want to say I only refered to Jenna Jameson as a whore for shock value. While on a technical level she ‘fits the bill’, I’m all right with her. It’s the hip thing to hate on Jenna Jameson, and I’m just not down with that. Just because she knows her way around a cock doesn’t mean she wouldn’t whup all of your asses in chess, Risk, Twister, or whatever game of skill you happen to use to measure intellect.

Anyways, back when the UFC did it’s Miramar Fight Night event, they invited Tito Ortiz to a big pre-event bash on base. Then they cancelled the invitation when they heard he wanted to bring Jenna Jameson with him. More specifically, Tito said he was bringing her, and some asshole commander said no. Tito then said fuck you guys, if I can’t bring my trophy pornstar I ain’t coming. No word on if this is the same asshole commander who also said no to other sexy things Marines enjoy like armored humvees and proper bulletproof vests.

Thank God the USO doesn’t have the same standards as the Marines. I heard their last World Gala had some chick from Thailand who does things with a pingpong ball you’ll never forget. This year they had to settle for Tito, Jenna, and that foreign guy from That 70’s show.

I gotta hand it to them though. Considering all the flag waving soldier supporting rhetoric everyone spews out nowadays, Tito and Jenna actually go out and get the shit done. What the fuck have you done other than put an American flag bumper sticker on your car? Or for our poor ethnic readers, enlisted half your family and lost two siblings over the course of the Surge. You might even be reading this shit in Iraq right now. According to Google Analytics, someone from over there is. And I’m hoping it’s not THE TERRORISTS.

**UPDATE** I changed ‘poor black readers’ to ‘poor ethnic readers’ … the trend amongst army recruiters now has shifted to focus largely upon hispanics, so I thought I would adjust my comment accordingly. And for those who think I’m racist for saying that, what’s worse: pretending the army isn’t targeting poor ethnic minorities or pointing that fact out?

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