Show goes live now! Tune in!
And it’s time, people! George vs Matt … Chucky vs Wandy. And some dude vs some guy! Oh the excitement! Well, excitement for us here at Fightlinker because we’re actually watching it. For those of you who aren’t, you can play along with the shitty home edition, aka read the liveblogging below.
If that doesn’t sound all that great and you’d rather watch the show live, may I recommend going to UFC.com and buying the PPV on your computer, or checking out the comments section of this post for some rather illicit ways of potentially seeing it for free (but I didn’t tell you that if anyone asked).
Anyways, we update pretty much every 5 minutes and between every round. Watching it or not, you’ll certainly enjoy yourself. We start at 10pm sharp in this very post, so see you then.
9:38 : Beer run time. Be back at 10pm sharp
10:00 Oh Gladiator … what would we do without you. Wand and Chuck seem a bit obsessed with the belt. What about winning tonight? Georges says he’s better, stronger, faster. But not less pimply. Matt Hughes says he beat George before and he’ll beat him again (hey, why bring up the fact that he also lost to George … not the best sound byte I suppose)
10:05 As usual the mandalay bay center is full of sluts and hooligans. Anyone else notice that Joe Rogan holds his mike like he wants to jerk it off? Goldberg goes for the more limp wristed loose hold (which all gays will know, is much more pleasurable).
10:10 Rogan seems a bit off, he’s tripping over his words. Did Zuffa say no ganja after he was caught on film showing off his weed canister?
Hey, they’re doing one of those txt message voting polls. I’m guessing 75/25 GSP.
Hey, they finally started showing some decent highlights of Wanderlei Silva. Where was all that a month ago when they started advertising this fight? And of course, the UFC shows Chuck retiring Couture.
They just showed the weigh ins and Silva freaking out and coming after Chuck. How the fuck did I miss hearing about that? I’m so out of the loop.
10:12 The rules are sponsored by Premiere Fighter … seems a little low brow of a sponsor. What’s next? Tale of the tape brought to you by Ejaculator, the premium sperm enhancement supplement?
MELVIN GUILLARD VS RICH CLEMENTI
Eugh … crackhead vs cockface. Cockface comes out in the interview sounding like Dennis Miller (with a penis face). Melvin’s claim to fame is that he’s black and from New Orleans. Very nice, UFC. Very nice.
Melvin flips off Rich and gets pushed back by the fat valets. And it’s tale of the tape time. Wow, they’re identical. And they’ve both got over 40 fights. Hum. And here we go!
They circle the Octagon over a huge Harley Davidson sponsorship … wonder where Xyience went? Oooh Clementi kicks Guillard in the leg hardcore. They continue to circle … is this gonna turn into Koscheck Sanchez? Guillard runs in and throws some punches and Rich responds with a kick. They split and continue to circle.
Anoth kick by Rich. And when he tries it again Melvin runs in and tries to punch but Rich backs off. Another kick by Rich. And another lunging punch by Melvin. Rick Grabs him and picks him up. He tries to carry Melvin around in impressive fashion but melvin just looks amused. They fall over and Guillard ends up in a … full nelson? Wow. 80s pro wrestling called, they want their hold back.
Guillard gets up but Rich uses a neat jump kick to the back of the legs to take him back down. They split and stand and Guillard hits Rich so hard Rich has to check his face to see if it’s still attached to his body. Melvin gets into guard and then Rich spins and reverse. He’s now on top north south and now he’s onto Melvin’s back. Rich is going for the choke with 30 seconds left. The seconds tick down very slowly as Rich flattens him out. THere’s no action for about 10 seconds and Herb Dean stops it.
I dunno if Melvin was out but he gets up quick and tries to go after Rich. Understandable considering Rich did a little penis pump action over Guillard after the stoppage.
You can see on the replay that Melvin tapped. I love the little wave Rich gives Melvin as he’s held back by the ref.
WINNER: RICH CLEMENTI BY TAPOUT 1st ROUND
10:25 Rich says “He still hasn’t learned his lesson. Get out of here!” Guillard comes after him, and is held back again. Everyone boos Rich’s poor sportsmanship. “Work on your Jiu Jitsu, Melvin. I’m the better man.” Classy. Someone’s gonna get stabbed in the parking lot.
10:30 They show the TXT vote and it’s 54 / 46 for GSP. Chuck vs Wand is 62 / 46. Haha, new saying for Rambo is “Heroes never die, they just reload”.
They show GSP in the locker room looked focused. Hughes is signing people’s shit. And time for another fight!
LYOTO MACHITA VS SOKOUDJOU
I love how Goldberg tries really hard to say Antonio Rogerio Nogueria’s name differently so people don’t confuse Lil Nog with Big Nog. They’re showing every single exciting moment Lyoto has had … it lasts all of 20 seconds.
Haha nice, Sokoudjou is wearing a predator mask.
I’m also digging the crazy jungle music. They need to market this guy better … the UFC is way too good at making us forget that certain guys are interesting and exciting. Man, Sok is fucking HUGE.
I’m digging Machida’s entrance music … I think it’s Lacuna Coil (or is it – shudder – Evanescance?). Lyoto is looking tiny compared to Sok … didn’t Machida used to fight at middleweight? Lets see if Sok knocks him down a weight class.
Sok has like 6 inches extra reach. Hmmm.
Lyoto shoots in and hits Sok with a straight left. SOk counters with a kick then shoots in and whacks Lyoto with a punch. Clinch by Machida, takedown by Sok, reversal by Machida and he’s in half guard.
Machida’s got a kimura but isn’t strong enough to pull it off. He’s still yanking at it and SOk looks to his corner to see what they advize. Lyoto lets go of the kimura and now tries to … haha … strike. Pretty weak stuff so far. Sok ties up Lyoto’s arm and holds him down. Wondering what the ref is doing now … it’s been 2 minutes and it’s obvious that Lyoto can’t finish in this position. Sok is waiting for a standup. The crowd is waiting for a standup. Lyoto elbows Sok’s knee. And the ref stands them up.
Sok throws some good punches but doesn’t land flushly. Lyoto kicks and grazes Sok. Sok’s gotta do something if he wants to take this round back. He tries to set up atoss but Lyoto drops to the ground. Sok throws punches and they lock up into a clinch until the end of the round.
Winner: Lyoto by fluffy blanket (although Sok tucked himself in for bedtime)
Lyoto throws a nice headkick that is blocked but smacks impressively. And now a leg kick. Sok tries to respond with his own but misses. Sok shoots in to throw a punch but no damage done. And then throws a high kick and follow up kick. Nice, but they miss :-p People are starting to get restless. The two are standing in front of eachother being very patient. Machida’s standard gameplan: make the crowd boo, and pressure Sok into fighting irresponsibly.
Shit, Lyoto whacked him hard and knocks Sok on his ass. Sok manages to recover to a degree and Lyoto jumps on top of him. Sok is back headwise but isn’t doing a good job of locking Lyoto up on top. Lyoto goes for a sub and then gives it up to get into mount. Rogan says ‘Sok is getting OWNED’. At this point I agree.
Lyoto goes for an arm triangle and Sok powers out of it. He looks exhausted at this point and shit’s getting sloppy. Sok is lying on the bottom and gets wailed on with an elbow. And another elbow. Sok then remembers to block it and Lyoto goes for the arm triangle. He’s got it, and twists it in. Sokoudjou taps softly, and it’s all over
WINNER: LYOTO MACHIDA BY ARM TRIANGLE
10:50 Lyoto lets some passion out with a scream. Too bad there’s no way in hell he’s getting a title shot any time soon. The Mickey’s replay shows the finish but not the knockdown that preluded it. It seemed like as soon as Sok got whacked, he was done and it was just a matter of time. Lyoto suggests that Sok should ‘Give up training jungle-fu and try karate-fu’. I bet that sounded better in Portuguese.
10:52 TXT contest is back, Hughes is ahead by 2 percent for the same reason George W Bush is still president of the united states. Way to go, religious right.
EDDIE SANCHEZ VS SOA PALELI
10:55 And it’s time for Eddie Sanchez to be fed to another UFC entrant. I like how they show the two times Sanchez actually swung at Crocop. Haha, he calls himself the Manic Hispanic. I liked ‘Dirty Sanchez’ more.
Paleli comes out to ‘Damn it feels good to be a gangsta’… I’d hate on it, but it’s in Office Space, and I love that movie. Here’s your fucking flair! Oh, I’m officially putting everyone on notice … i’m probably gonna misspell Soa’s name 200 times during this fight. So get off my back about it.
11:00 They once again try to sell Eddie Sanchez as a ‘former pitcher’, like washing out of baseball is anything to be impressed by. Maybe Nevada’s allowing special rules where Eddie gets a few free speedball throws at Soa. Sanchez isn’t looking particularly svelte … and as always his eyes make him look like a sad puppy dog about to be put down.
Holy fuck, Soa has a 10 inch reach advantage. That’s RETARDED.
Hey, all that bullshit about being from Perth and Buffer says he’s fighting out of California.
Soa looks like he’s in a trance. Eddie tries to throw off a quick punch off the sportsman’s high five. Classy. They tie up agianst the cage and eddie is getting pushed against the fence. Soa goes for a judo throw and Eddie trips. They’re still posturing against the fence … Eddie ain’t going down easy but it looks like only a matter of time.
And Soa repostures but they’re so tight against the fence there’s no room to get into any kind of position. Eddie pushes back up and now Yamasaki seperates them because of a low blow by Eddie. It was pretty borderline on the replay but Soa taking his time and is massaging his cock on the big screen. Hawt. More massaging. And we’re good.
Eddie comes out and swings, tagging Soa on the head. Pushes Soa against the fence and is throwing leather (alkthough it’s not doing any damage). GOldber’s word of the night: Diligent. Everyone’s been so DILIGENT tonight. I wish they’d stop being DILIGENT and start being EXCITING.
Mario splits them up and Eddie throws big again, but misses. And they’re back against the cage. Snooore. Soa get sa knee in and they seperate. Soa swung so hard he spun around and fell on his butt. He stands back up and now they start trading. If only they would just let go and slug it out. It’s what Papa Dana wants, don’t you know?
Now they’re back against the cage with eddy throwing those weak punches. Ooh, Eddie gets a good uppercut and the round ends.
Winner: Eeeh. Eddie I guess since he was the one holding Sao against the fence.
Eddie pushes Soa back with strikes but spins him against the cage and now he’s the one pushing someone against the cage. I slap myself to try and stay awake. Although I give this a 10 out of 10 for quality hugging. Yep. That’s some good tender hugging. Yes, struggle to hug. Hug to struggle. It’s all good baby. Aw Yamasaki, why you stopping the hugging?
They’re split, and Eddie is throwoing shitty jabs. Soa finally pushes Eddie against the fence and Eddie starts yelling “Yeehaw, come on boy! Yeah boy!” I’m not making this up. Yamasaki is equally disturbed and splits it.
Soa throws more retarded haymakers and almost falls on his ass. Eddie does a nice toss and gets on top of Soa. Soa pushes him off and gets back up. Eddie continues to move forward and jab. Again, Soa throws the huge miss and clinches. The crowd starts to boo.
Eddie gets a good undercut up again which buckled Soa’s legs. But he’s back now and hugging Sanchez against the fence. Yamasaki splits them. Yellow cards would be fucking AWESOME right now. RIP Pride.
Sanchez is comfy now and is starting to tee off a bit (at least until he goes into the clinch, god only knows why). Round 2 ends.
If the audience had buttons that caused the fight to end if 90% of them pressed it, this fight would not be going into round 3. Alas.
Eddie is swinging, then clinched again. Fuck buddy. This reminds me of Sylvia / Vera … if he just stayed on the outside and striked, he could finish it. And you know the fact that I’m bringing up Sylvia means this fight is just TERRIBLE.
Eddie gets pushed off and then throws some good punches. And then clinches again! IDIOT. Fucking IDIOT. Why are you clinching?Are you a RETARD?
Again, Sanchez doing some good slugging, and then they clinch again. Sanchez gets a good uppercut in twice, but that’s it. More teeing off. More clinching. Clinch clinch clinch. Now I remember why the heavyweight division sucks. Eddie tries a sloppy trip twice. Fails. They seperate and Sanchez hits again and again. They clinch. And Mario steps in so the doctor can check cuts. Is it over? Eddie thinks it is. “YEAH I WON!”
And yeah, it’s over. Not with a bang, but with a whimper. I never thought two fights that actually finished could be so boring.
WINNER: EDDIE SANCHEZ BY REF STOPPAGE (WUSSAGE)
11:22 Eddie Sanchez proves why fighters shouldn’t be allowed to touch the mic by screaming WOOOOOO at the top of his lungs right into it.
Shit, Drew McFedries is supposed to co-headline the Ultimate Fight Night in January. His mom just got fucking MURDERED yesterday. I wonder if that bout is still going to happen.
Hey, they’ve just officially added Sylvia vs Nog to the 81 card. And they show Silva vs Hendo as a unification match … Hendo is doing a great job of unifying titles by losing his.
WANDERLEI SILVA VS CHUCK LIDDELL
play by play issues, here’s m,ajunkie in the meantime
ROUND 1 â€” We’re underway, and Liddell fakes a leg kick. A “Chuck! Chuck!” chant erupts as both fighters avoid trading strikes through the first 45 seconds. Silva lunges for a right but misses. After tentatively trading jabs, Silva avoids Liddell’s right hook. Silva connects on a leg kick. Liddell throws a right that had Silva backpeddling, but he’s faking it and throws a punch of his own. A violent exchange against the cage before the fighters separate. Liddell throws a right hook and then works the jab. Liddell throws a head kick and Silva counters with a right. After trading soft leg kicks, Liddell lands a solid left-right combination and Silva answers with his own.
ROUND 2 â€” A spirited exchange to start the round gives neither fighter the advantage. Silva looks content to counterstrike as Silva strikes while hopping in and out of range. Liddell lands a leg kick as Silva connects on a combination. Lots of short punches before Liddell hits the mat from a slip. He quickly gets back up, and Silva lands a body kick. Liddell lands a right hook but slips and hits the canvas again. He’s back up quickly.
ROUND 3 â€” Silva’s eye is temporarily fixed, but Liddell scoresa quick double-leg takedown. The crowd moans. Silva gets back to his feet quickly. Silva lands a left but misses on the right before Liddell throws an overhand right from a distance. Liddell looks to be fresher, and the pace slows. Liddell tries a spinning backfist and then connects on a series of combinations that rock Silva. Silva is pushed against the fence and eating a series of blows. Liddell backs off, and they’re back in the center of the cage. Silva looks a little wobbly, and Liddell looks a little gassed. Back against the fence, Liddell again tees off on Silva and connects on a right. Silva counters with a punch of his own.
WINNER: CHUCK LIDDELL BY DECISION. Wish we’d had 5 rounds
Fightlinker play by play is back, sorry for the interuption and thanks to MMA Junkie for the play by play.
12:02 Wand is pure class … thanks his fans and says he gave his best and promises to be back. And now he reads a Portugeese novel to the listeners at home.
Mandy Moore is at the UFC wearing a hoodie. Fucking HOT. They cut to Quinton Jackson drinking THROWDOWN ENERGY BEVERAGE. Yum.
They cut to GSP in his tiny locker room tying up with his trainer Firas. Crazy to see him there since he trains us at Tristar gym every week.
12:03 I said FUCK AVP:R, but one movie I’m gonna see this year on opening night is the new Rambo movie. Nice. They cut back to Rogan and Goldberg who are trembling like virginal teenagers in coitus. Man, that watch Rogan is wearing sucks … it looks like a giant poker chip.
12:06 Rogan says GSP was training ‘for the possibility that Serra would pull out’. I guess the Olympics are treated the same as a rival promotion … it’s just not mentioned.
TXT vote is 49 / 51 for Hughes. Just like the 2004 elections. Sad.
MATT HUGHES VS GEORGES ST PIERRE
12:07 I forgot how lame GSP sounded whenever he would beg for a title shot. PLEEEZE! PLEEZE GIMME A TITLE SHHH HOT! Matt Hughes claims he’s not the same fighter he was before. If he’s the same fighter who fought Chris Lytle, he’s in big trouble.
12:09 Hughes comes out to some hillbilly country shit. What the fuck is up with his ugly ass hoodie? It’s literally hideous. I feel like E! talking about fashions, but seriously.
12:11 Man Robbie Lawler looks like a fat peice of shit … I guess getting injured means license to hit the Burger King hardcore. When Robbie’s fat he looks like BJ Penn. I wonder if that makes him easier for Hughes to kiss. If you got that joke, add 10 points to your Jackal score.
12:12 I love GSP and all, but do we have to listen to french rap every time he fights? It’s literally the most terrible stuff on earth. I’d rather gargle my own feces rather than hear that stuff. What’s with those horrific blue tights? I keep getting this weird bleep on my gay radar (the gaydar for those in the know) whenever I see him in that shit. Is that about him … or about me? Oh the feelings.
12:19 Wow, people are booing Hughes … he’s still getting cheers but the boos are pretty loud as well. How the fuck did Lumber Liquidators get a spot on the Octagon floor? Shit, the UFC’s sponsorships are going down the toilet.
Hughes shoots but GSP backs up and they’re circling again. GSP kicks and Hughes backs up. Hughes is staying the fuck back. The crowd is chanting USA.
That screechy bitch is somewhere at this show. She’s screaming her fucking head off. The two fighters circle around. GSP is going nuts with Van Damme like kicks. Hughes shoots, GSP straightens up and they’re in the clinch until ST Pierre takes Hughes down. Hughes is doing a good job of keeping GSP from doing a lot of damage but GSP is peppering him still.
Hughes grabs GSP’s legs and is tring to … i don’t know. Gives whatever that was up and goes back to full guard. He’s got Gughes against the cage and is dropping some elbows. He’s in Half guard now and is punching matt in the face. Hughes is in trouble.
GSP drops some sick elbows and punches. Hughes has no idea what to do. There’s 1 minute left, which is good for Hughes, but god knows what his strategy will be in round 2. GSP is doing some kind of crazy fish flop to slam Hughes on the ground because Hughes has grabbed on and is holding on like a paraside.
After being warned gayly about punches to the back of the head (bullshit), GSP grinds Hughes’ face with an elbow and then gets Hughes to roll over. THe buzzer sounds as GSP goes for an armbar.
Winner: Hughes. NOT!
GSP is fighting southpaw. If he’s not really a lefty, then he is a God amongst men. USA chants go on. GSP takes Hughes down like it ain’t no thang. Hughes closes guard and then GSP passes to half guard. Goldberg calls GSP the “Welterweight who saved xmas”. Pretty.
Hughes is still on the bottom in guard. George is raining down pepper strikes which aren’t doing too much. The arena starts chanting GSP. Eugh, those stupid blue tights are Affliction tights. That explains why they induce vomiting.
GSP is in MOUNT! And Hughes rolles over. Hughes rolls and is on top but GSP still has his back. Shit. Hughesescaped and now they’re north south. Hughes is pushed against the cage now. Matt reverses and has Georges’ leg. Georges pulls it off and they’re in clinch … GSP judo throws Hughes like a motherfucker. Hardcore toss. Hughes is in side conrrol. Now he’s sitting on Hughes face. Now he’s got a weird kimura which turns into an armbar. HUGHES TAP!
WINNER: GEORGES ST PIERRE BY ARMBAR
12:32 Georges breakdances … I think this means a title defence in montreal baby! Ooh, interim champions get a belt too! GSP says he doesn’t consider the belt a real belt and until he beats the real champion, he’s not the real champion. Fucking awesome, GSP is the man. He takes the belt off and gives it to one of his cornermen.
12:35 People are booing Matt as he’s interviewed by Rogan. Wasn’t seeing him get p0wned enough for these people? My hatred is sated. Rogan asks about retirement and Hughes pontificates on the idea of ‘writing a second book’, but he’ll talk to the UFC first and see what they want.
MANNY GAMBURYAN VS NATE MOHR
I got a feeling this is gonna be quick … either Manny kills the guy or seperates his shoulder again. Man … Nate Mohr comes out to Scissor Sisters. Is he joining Rory Singer as the second openly gay MMA fighter?
Manny comes out to some funky shit. They say he decided not to have surgery on his shoulder … hmmm. Maybe he should have taken some time and gotten that shit fixed up. If he blows it again, he’s gonna be fucked.
Manny punches Nate and shoots in. They seperate and swing. Manny keeps pushing, he’s set the fucking pace and it’s fast. He shoots again and pushes Nate up against the cage. He picks Nate up and drops him. He’s in guard. Manny pulls out and goes for a leg lock … Nate tries to punch Manny out and then taps. A bit too late, he looks fucked up.
WINNER: MANNY BY LEG LOCK
And that’s it ladies and gentlemen. See you at the radio show and thanks for your patronage. Special thanks to MMAJunkie for picking up our slack.
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Tony DeSouza looks like he belongs on Bumfights Volume 5 rather than the UFC79 card.