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We’re switching to bigger stronger faster server this weekend, probably sometime early Saturday night. So just a heads up that there might be some site downtime but I’ve got professionals on hand in case shit gets hairy.

Yeah, you heard me. The site operator of BloodyElbow.com is steering his website without a pair in his pants. How do I know this? Because he’s always picking the safe bets on UFC fights. For example, he thinks Diego ‘Tiger’ Sanchez is gonna beat Jon ‘I hate my life and have to wash dishes to make ends meet’ Fitch. While this is a reasonable assumption for the average TUF noob, I was expecting better from you, Luke.

So to help him learn a lesson and hopefully stimulate the growth of some nuts, I’m throwing down the gauntlet: Let’s make a bet. When Jon Fitch wins, you’ll have to record the following statement that I get to play on my radio show:

Hi, I’m Luke Thomas and I’m a recovering TUF Noob. I used to have a brain when it came to mixed martial arts but then I got blinded by Diego Sanchez’ beautiful eyes and sexy Mexicano moustache. Entranced by his feminine grace on the Ultimate Fighter, I forgot that all guys from TUF are losers like me and will never accomplish anything in life. I made the ultimate mistake in betting against Fightlinker (who’s always right about everything), and now I have to record this message to say: I’m stupid and have no balls, but I’m trying to be sweet and totally awesome like Fightlinker. I’ll never bet on Diego Sanchez again, unless it is in some kind of homosexual rodeo competition. Fightlinker is God, I am scum.

Luke, if by some miraculous fluke my guy dies of a aneurysm or blows out his knee or God really is on Diego’s side and smites Fitch with a lightning bolt, you can have whatever you want. Name your wager and I’ll take it. This shit is on like Donkey Kong.

There’s a couple of hallowed sports rules that must never be broken. Hockey players don’t say “shutout” to a goalie. Baseball players don’t say “No Hitter” to a pitcher. And Dana White shouldn’t say “If X happens, then Chuck vs Wanderlei will happen”. Of course Dana White is a fucking knob, and that’s exactly what he said:

Chuck Liddell’s next opponent will be Wanderlei (The Axe Murderer) Silva if the former light-heavyweight champion gets past Keith Jardine on Saturday night.

“Everyone’s been talking about Liddell vs. Wanderlei forever,” White said. “Obviously that’s the fight that makes sense, it’s the fight that everybody wants to see.

I rag on the Japanese a lot, but the one thing I can’t shit on them for is setting up fights people want to see. No matter how ridiculous or stupid they might seem from the point of standings and rankings, if the Japanese wanted to see Fedor fight a big fat guy or some former game show host, it would happen. That often sucked for us American fans because we just want to see the best fight the best. But in this case, I’ll make an exception:

No matter what happens, Chuck vs Wanderlei has to happen. And soon. Neither of these dudes are spring chickens anymore and it’s safe to say that the salad days of their careers are probably over. The next crop of younger, stronger, more determined athletes has come along, and that’s all there is to it. So please for the love of God, Dana: stop putting conditions on this fight. Just make it happen this December. Because now that you’ve said “If Chuck beats Keith, this will happen”, it’s not going to happen. You’ve just jinxed Chuck. Thanks a lot, jerkface.

Thank God for Chuck Liddell. Today has been a completely boring day as far as MMA news goes. When the top story is that there’ll be weigh-ins tomorrow and a replay of EliteXC on Saturday, you know shit is slow. But we can always rely on more pics of Chuck Liddell engaged in totally awesome debauchery of one description or another. How long till a sex tape? Two years, tops.

You can add Nate Quarry vs Pete Sell and Kenny Florian vs Din Thomas to the list of fights Mario Yamasaki has let go on too long. There’s nothing like watching a fighter spread eagle on the ground receiving a leaping punch to the face. Or a fighter lying face down with his hands over his face getting played like a taiko drum.

And please people, don’t think this is me not liking the violence. I fucking love it. The UFC is all about getting drunk and watching people inflict violence on eachother. If I couldn’t get that from SpikeTV, I’d probably be out at the women’s shelter screaming and kicking in doors. When things seem out of control in my life I enjoy imposing control on others. That’s my ‘thang’, you dig?

So yeah, I love to see that kinda stuff, and Mario’s always good for letting it happen. Sooner or later someone’s gonna die and that’ll be really great for the sport. I can’t wait for that day … maybe it’ll be good for my site traffic!

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