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I was gonna let it slide that Sherdog got the TKO event scorecards for the Hominick / Martinez fight wrong (they reported one judge scoring it 30-27 when in fact they scored it 30-25). I was even going to pass on Sherdog fucking up the HDNet weigh-ins where they claimed all fighters made weight (dispite the fact that Tristan Yunker didn’t). That second one I didn’t see before they corrected the article (without noting the error), so hey … fine.

But this mistake from last night’s TKO event is pretty retarded:

Adil Ayoudi defeated Ben Gallent by submission from armbar at 1:45 of round one.

That would be all well and good if Adil Ayoudi had actually won. They fucked up the names: Ben Gallent actually won. How do I know? I was sitting about 30 feet away at the time.

Hey, you can fuck up on weight. And you can fuck up on scorecards. But fucking up who won a fight? Pretty lame. But wait! It gets better. It looks like everyone has been lifting the results from everyone else. Sherdog, The Fight Network, and MMA on Tap all have Adil winning, even though he kinda sorta didn’t. So they ALL have the wrong info. I don’t know who fucked up first, but I think it’s pretty funny that MMA news is this incestuous.

Congratulations guys on your reporting skills.

**UPDATE** MMAWeekly also gets it wrong. But to their credit, they actually had someone watching who either mixed up the names or thought they’d made a mistake based on everyone else’s “reporting”

Note to the douches trying to get Never Submit off the ground: here’s how you make a movie. Keep your mouths shut, don’t waste your time booking fighters who can’t act, film the fucking thing, and then release a polished trailer to the interwebs. This movie looks like the MMA equivalent of Hackers, which is awesome because Hackers rocked and had Angelina Jolie naked in it. I can only pray we get at least some serious side-boob action going in this film.

There’s going to be way too many MMA movies out there in another few years that take themselves too seriously. This movie looks retarded, and that’s why I think it’s going to rock. Check this one out after downing a few Mickeys, hooping some Xyience, and you got yourself a fun time.

On a side note, I have no idea why the main guy is interested in the chick who obviously has the worst taste in men. I’d be like “Wow, you’re a fucking stupid retard who likes violent morons and set me up to get my ass kicked. I hope you die of AIDS.” Not “I’m gonna save you baby … I see something inside you … something pure.” Then again, perhaps Youtube doesn’t capture the majestic nature of her T&A. Because if that shit’s 10, then yeah I get it.

The Christmas season is a fucking depressing time of year. Statistics show there’s no time of year worse for making you feel completely alone and empty than now. At least Valentine’s day only reminds you of what an asshole you are for not having a mate. Christmas is the perfect time to remember that everyone including your family hates you and that you have no one who’d miss you if you were gone. Plus the music they play in malls … yeah, that’s probably the worst.

Some people deal with their issues by taking anti-depressants, others by shacking up and not leaving the house for a while. Others do copious amounts of illicit narcotics then go on a rampage through Sao Paulo with a kitchen knife, stealing cars, crashing them, and then getting arrested.

And then they die under mysterious circumstances:

“Ryan was sent to the 91st PD, after having toxicology exams done at the central IML at around 2:30 am. He arrived at the police station in Vila Leopoldina at 3 am. According to the officer on call of the 15th Police District police officer Daniella Ranna, where the athlete’s case was registered for having tried to steal a motorcycle, he was sent to the 91st DP because it is a traffic station. From there, he would have been seen to the “most recommendable” location.

According to the Secretariat, at around 7am, when policemen at the station were checking the cells with their detainees, they found the fighter fallen in a corner. They entered and confirmed that he was dead. At around 10 am, coroners were already at the location to do the necessary exams and send the body to the institute.

So let’s speculate on what happened. Here’s the possibilities as we can see em:

Suicide: Yeah, that’s the obvious one everyone is speculating. The dude just did some pretty heavy shit … he was already the black sheep of the Gracie clan so perhaps he offed himself to avoid the wrath of his family. Plus, Christmas season and all that. The only thing worse than Christmas jingles is Christmas samba remixes.

Drug Overdose: Pretty much all the reports say that Ryan was acting crazy, but who knows if this was drugs or just Ryan being Ryan? It wouldn’t surprise me though if the coroner rolls Ryan over and pulls a popped clown balloon full of cocaine out of his ass.

Police Brutality: The police report covers all the general facts regarding Ryan’s arrest and jailing. But mayhaps they forgot to mention 20 minutes of wacky whacking with nightsticks that occured between those two events.

Prisoner Brutality: If you think ‘South American Police’ sound scary, think for a second how scary ‘South American Prisoners’ sound? I personally had a vision of Ryan Gracie alone in a single cell, but most likely he was stuck in a cell with a bunch of other bad motherfuckers. Gracie Jiu-Jitsu is good, but is it enough to keep 10 big guys from stabbing you in the throat with a shiv?

We won’t know for sure what happened to Ryan until the coroner’s report comes out. We might not even know then … if it was police brutality, it wouldn’t surprise me if Ryan accidentally gets cremated or eaten by wild dogs while the coroner is out back smoking a cigarette.

**UPDATE** As per jackal Higgz’s suggestion, we’ve added Prisoner Brutality to the list of ways Ryan might have died.   Good thinking, man!

I have to wonder if the producers of The Apprentice : Celebrity Edition had a whole bunch of different takes of Tito Ortiz for this commercial. And just for shits and giggles, they decided to pick the one where he sounded like a complete and utter retard. If you think his speech at the end was a bit weird, just see how it reads:

I’m Tito Ortiz. People are used to see me in the Octagon competing using my physical skills. Well then this Apprentice when I do win it I will be using my mental skills to show that I’m number 1.

This post took me a bit of extra time to write because when I plugged that quote into Microsoft Word the grammar checker exploded and my laptop caught fire.

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