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Lock and load bitches! It’s time for the only UFC75 preview show that matters: OURS! After watching the Countdown to 75 show on Spike, we’re feeling relatively qualified to pontificate on predictions for the UFC’s latest show. Also, Jake’s been out of the loop for a week and I get his fresh impressions on the Babalu situation. We talk about anarchists and steroids, Dana White chickening out of Japan, and ninja masturbation tactics. All in this tight 50 minute package … yes, tight like a tiger!

Down-Load the show here, or click on the talkshoe applet to the right. And for fuck’s sake, subscribe to the show on iTunes, it’s pathetic how low we show up on that thing. Do it, or we drown a kitten on air next week.

Yes, this post is a bit stale … I’d planned on writing this post a while back. Ya know, back around when the Guida-Aurelio fight actually happened. But better late than never, as my parole officer always says. Actually, she says “If you’re late again I’ll throw you back in jail”. Fucking bitch. Little does she know I’ll never go back in … I’ll fucking kill her and I’ll fucking kill everyone else at the police station before I go back.

Anyways, Clay Guida and Marcus Aurelio engaged in fisticuffs at the previous UFC74, resulting in a decision win for the scrappy Clay. While the fight didn’t exactly set the world on fire, I was on the edge of my seat the whole time because I was finally witnessing a first in the UFC: a decision involving Clay Guida where there was no possible way he could get fucked over! Clay clearly controlled the fight, pushing Marcus around the ring like his bitch and landing strikes continuously through the match. Aurelio seemed like he forgot to train any takedowns and couldn’t mount any kind of offensive. There was no way the judges were going to give him this fight. Or so I thought.

Split decision. Yep, that’s right. In a fight where Clay clearly dominated from start to finish, he still almost lost on the judges’ scorecards. It seems to me like crotchety old judges around the world are sending a clear message to Clay: Cut your damn hair, you filthy hippy. And that’s more than a joke, too. Every time Clay gets punched or nearly punched, it looks way worse than it is because his hair is flopping all over the place. It’s a standard pro wrestler trick: long hair makes it easier to fake being punching. Of course, this isn’t pro wrestling and Clay Guida isn’t trying to trick people into thinking he’s getting hit. So the hair works as a very real disadvantage for the gritty wrestler.

In conclusion, I really don’t know what to say here. Cutting Clay Guida’s hair would be like covering Michaelangelo’s David’s penis. It’s just wrong! You have to let beauty fly free, be it in the form of greasy hair or tiny cocks.

The great thing about MMA news is that eventually, all truths come to light. A story will change 50 times over the course of it’s development, but in the end you get to know what happened if you know where to look. Case in point: a few weeks ago we were wondering where the fuck Andrei Arlovski was. Well, now we know: Zuffa’s benched him until he signs a new contract.

For those not familiar with the UFC’s brand of contract negotiation, let’s revisit Cut Throat Business Tactics 101. You sign a guy to a two year, four fight contract. That guy fights three times in 14 months. Now is the time that you want this fighter to re-sign with you.

But geez whiz, why now? This guy still has a fight left on his contract! Why don’t we wait till his contract is over before renegotiating? Because this is fucking ‘Cut Throat Business 101′, not ‘I Wanna Be Your Best Friend Forever Business 101′. If you wait until the contract is over, you have to compete with other promoters to re-sign your guy. But if you’ve got 8 months left on his contract, you can bench him until he re-signs with you. No new contract? Then he doesn’t see the light of day until his current contract is up.

This all serves a few purposes: You no longer have to compete with other promotions for the fighter’s services. This keeps prices low. If a fighter waits long enough for his contract to expire, the lack of exposure has probably done a number on his popularity too. This also lowers the price he can get. Finally, if a guy really doesn’t want to re-sign with you, you can stuff him in a dark match with a professional blanket to make him look bad on the way out. That’s always a good old fashioned ‘Fuck You’ to throw in at the end of a business relationship.

Now some people may call that evil, but others just prefer to call it ‘smart business’.

One year ago, Victor Valimaki was flying high. Coming into the UFC with an impressive 8-2 record over some serious names (including Dan Severn, Vernon White, and Jason Day), it seemed like Victor was destined for great things. But with a split decision loss to David Heath and a downright embarrassing loss to Alessio Sakara, that destiny abruptly changed. Valimaki was sent back to the local leagues and his manger / MFC promoter Mark Pavelich fed him to the new upcoming guy, Roger Hollett. And with that loss, it seems like Pavelich is done with Victor too:

“He has an enormous amount of talent, but the problem with Victor always has been that he decides when he wants to train, and he decides when he wants to do things,” said the promoter. “I’ve lost that loving feeling, and that was prior to the fight with Roger Hollett (Pictures), so it’s not like I’m jumping off the bandwagon. He trained hard for this fight, but not like you would train to get ready for a title defense, especially against a caliber guy like Roger Hollett (Pictures).”

When asked about where Valimaki stands now with Pavelich’s Pro Camp Sports Management, he replied, “What’s his status? I don’t know. We’re going to sit down and revaluate stuff, but I really have zero interest anymore to have him in any training camps with us — I’m really disinterested.”

It always amazes me how fast the tide turns on guys who stop winning. Valimaki has lost twice in the UFC and once in the MFC and already Valimaki’s manager has basically turned his back on him. Who knows if there’s real substance to the stuff going on behind the scenes, but it still always suprises me how fast things change if you can’t keep hitting those wins consistantly.

Hi everyone, three months ago called up and told me that Hulk Hogan and his butchy daughter Brooke were at the last Ultimate Fight Night. This is just an excuse to post the above picture … there’s nothing really else to say on the matter. Except perhaps “Hulkamania will live forever!” Or more accurately, “Hulkamania will live until Hulk Hogan dies from an enlarged heart or liver damage or whatever steroids do to aging pro wrestling stars nowadays”.

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