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Yeah, I know it’s really UFN11, but the MMA gods have been hammering this event almost as hard as UFC67. Originally this card featured Spencer Fisher vs Din Thomas and Mike Swick vs Jonathan Goulet. Spencer got canned with a bad case of mat rot, and now Mike Swick is out with a rib injury. UFC brass managed to pull things out of the fire a bit, replacing Fisher with feisty contender Kenny Florian, but Mike Swick’s replacement is much less impressive: Dustin Hazelett.

Who? Yeah, I know how you feel. Hazelett’s biggest accomplishment in the octagon was getting kimura’d by the Tony the Geiko Caveman DeSouza. Past that he’s beaten two undercard opponents who are even more obscure than he is.

Of course, it’s not surprising … Mike Swick was fucking stupid to accept a fight against Jonathan Goulet to begin with, and it’s just as bad of an idea for any other prominent welterweight. Despite some goofy losses (and even goofier haircuts), Goulet has some serious skills. But he’s not good enough that you’d actually get much glory for beating the guy. In fact, a loss to Goulet (who’s just returning to the Octagon after a 13 month exodus) would dump you back at the bottom of the totem pole with TUF noobs and undercard rejects.

Anyways, it’s too bad Swick/Goulet has been canned … their fighting styles made for fight of the night material. I don’t know enough about Dustin Hazelett to say much about the match now, except that I’m not really excited to see this fight any more. At least I’m no longer conflicted about wanting Goulet to win.

Oh, woe was me when his imperial highness Dave Meltzer reported that Evan Tanner was not under contract to the UFC anymore. And now, do I dare to open my heart up to the possibility that our favorite character in MMA is going to step back in the ring? Yes, I do!

According to Jorge Oliviera (a training partner with Evan), Tanner will be returning to the octagon at UFC79 against Dean Lister. Of course, this is friend of a friend type information, but I’m sure by Tuesday the information will be repeated so much that it will magically become true. As Luke Thomas has taught me, if you don’t shake the tree then how you gonna get the coconuts out?

Remember a few days ago when Luke Thomas personally swore to me that Matt Hughes was leaving Miletich Fighting Systems and starting his own camp? Well it looks like that’s exactly what he did! Good on you Luke for popping the cherry on this story. Now the details are flowing from all those other sites who are jumping in for sloppy seconds.

The gym, which is named H.I.T. Squad (Hughes Intensive Training), will be a launching pad for new fighters, as well as veteran mixed-martial artists looking for a new training center. Additionally, Fiore said the elite fighters will be asked to join the gym’s official fight team: Team Hughes.

In addition to the school’s namesake, Team Hughes initially will include three other fighters: former UFC contender and current Icon middleweight champion Robbie Lawler, Greco-Roman wrestling champion and MMA newcomer Jacob Hey, and “The Ultimate Fighter 5″ standout Corey Hill.

Okay first off I have to say that HIT Squad has to be the worst name for a gym ever. Off the top of my head I’ve got several better names, and I’m tempted to post them on Matt Hughes’ message board to see if he likes them:

  • Hughes Excercise Regiment Program for Extreme Strength (H.E.R.P.E.S Squad)
  • Hughes Original Muscle Organization Squad (H.O.M.O Squad)
  • Hughes Impressive Cardio Kamp (H.I.C.K Squad)
  • Hughes Awesome God Squad (H.A.G Squad)

Secondly, you would imagine Matt Hughes being able to pull a starting lineup that’s better than unkown Jacob Hey and ‘the tall black dude’ from TUF5. I don’t doubt the gym will grow to include some decent names … hey, if Jorge Gurgel can pull it off, why not Hughes too? But I am somewhat surprised that there haven’t been a couple other really big names to start this whole thing off with a bang.

I’ve been hearing people call Matt Hughes ‘Country Breakfast” for months now. I had no idea what the fuck was up with it … until now. I’m sure I’m probably the last person on earth to know this, but in case you haven’t seen it, enjoy.

Dana’s not the only one who’s drinking the steroid kool-aid. Now The Fight Network has jumped on board, making completely bogus claims on Nandrolone:

Normal levels of Nandrolone range from two nanograms per milliliter of urine in an average person to six ng/ml in an athlete engaged in rigorous activity. Sherk’s reported level, which was certified by the director of science and technology at the laboratory conducting the tests, was 12 ng/ml. His “A” and “B” samples were tested and confirmed as positive, according to the commission’s original report.

Of course, those of you playing the home edition of “Jeopardy : Steroids edition” know that out of hundreds of athletes at the Nagano olympics, not one male had over .2ml of nandrolone in their system (women had up to .6ml because of birth control and other fascist man made pharmaceuticals). The legal limit was therefore set at 10 times the highest level anyone can record naturally: 2ml in men and 6ml in women.

There are absolutely no scientifically validated tests that prove vigorous training does anything to levels of nandrolone in the body. In fact, every existing study done by every single doping agency has shown exactly the opposite. The only study in existence that backs up the claim of rigorous training and supplements causing spikes in nandrolone levels was a preliminary study by the University of Aberdeen, which has been widely panned for not using proper control procedures and scientific methods.

All of the MMA bloggers have been laying eggs about “The Zuffa Myth” for the past year … you know, that shit about Zuffa turning mixed martial arts from human cockfighting into a legitimate sport single handedly. Well, this bullshit nandrolone myth has much further reaching consequences if we allow organizations and FUCKING OFFICIAL NEWS SITES to spread it.

The fight network’s email is … if anyone has a better email address then please suggest it and I’ll update this post. I’d say email Loretta Hunt, but she spamblocked my email after I sent her pictures of my penis. Normally you’re told to write a nice civil letter, but my advice is to be as scathing and scornful as possible. It’s stupid that a lazy fuck like me knows more on this shit than these paid fatcats. Here’s a letter you can cut and paste:

Hey fucktards!

In your AM Update for August 31st, you included some completely bogus and incorrect information regarding nandrolone. Your article states normal levels of nandrolone are 2ml to 6ml. Reality states that normal levels of nandrolone are .2ml to .6ml (which is only for women on certain forms of birth control). There is absolutely no scientific evidence to link rigorous activity to elevated levels of nandrolone production. In fact Dr Christiane Ayotte, one of the top doping experts in the world, has specifically refuted the claim that increased physical activity leads to increased levels of nandrolone. If you took even five minutes to investigate the topic of nandrolone, you would know this already. As it stands you are spreading misinformation and I demand that you correct your article.

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