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Luke Thomas is a gun for hire. Pay him enough and he’d probably kill that annoying roommate of yours who never does his dishes. For now though he’s under the employ of MMA.tv doing Whoop Ass Radio and UFCMania doing ‘Any Given Sunday’, a live call in show. Tonight he did a special Thursday night ‘Any Given’ show, and since I spend Thursday nights drunk and lonely, I called in. Three times.

Luke’s guest was Jon Fitch, who is probably one of the hardest working fighters in the UFC, but also one of the most bland. The show was pretty good regardless, and I got to ask this question:

Whenever people talk about the UFC underpaying fighters, you’re the guy they bring up. “Oh look at this: Jon Fitch is one of the top ten welterweight fighters in the world, and he still has to work in a bar to make ends meet”. Is that a fair statement?

Of course since I was drunk it came out more like “You still workin’ at a fucking bar? What’s up with that shit???”. Jon’s response was pretty neutral (like most things he says … he’s not exactly Quinton Jackson or anything), and he basically said the Cheddar’s gettin’ better and it’ll just take some time. What I took from his comment is that no, he isn’t making enough money to quit his bar job. Which sucks balls.

Finally at the end of the show, Luke Thomas revealed that he’s a closet Diego fan, which is something I should have forced him to admit when Jon Fitch was still on the line (Fitch and Sanchez are fighting at UFC76). Personally, I’m picking Fitch over Sanchez because Fitch has an awesome corner which he listens to – he defeated Roan Carneiro easily by following their instructions and executing their gameplan.

Diego Sanchez on the other hand was training with Greg Jackson, who’s a fucking retard when it comes to cornering a fight. And now he doesn’t even have Greg anymore. Who knows how Sanchez will do with his new training camp? How is he going to return after that lame loss to Josh Koscheck? My bet is Diego is going to come out hard and fast and Fitch is gonna catch him in a submission early.

Of course, me and Luke have gone at it before as far as predictions go and he was lucky enough to get a rare win over me. If he’s man enough to challenge me again, I guess we’ll see what happens.

**UPDATE** If you’re wondering where in the show I call in, it’s at 34:30. I also called in again around 54:00 but that bit seems to be cut off at the moment.

Due to a coke-fueled phone call at 3am in the morning from an anonymous member of UFCJunkie, I had a 24 hour scoop on the news that UFCJunkie.com was switching it’s name to MMAJunkie.com. However, drug benders tend to make you paranoid, so I was sworn to secrecy. Now that the cat is out of the bag, I can share my thoughts!

First off, I’m sure MMAJunkie’s lawyers are sighing a big sigh of relief. The chances a drunk but determined Chris Lytle will show up on Dana’s orders to serve papers have decreased significantly now. Legal issues aside, I’m also kinda excited to see where this goes, although I do kinda worry that the page will start drowning in ‘Big Bob’s Fighting Challenge 12′ news. Word to the wise: no one cares what washed up UFC fighters are doing! Unless it’s Evan Tanner, of course.

Now we wait and see if Junkie’s switch will cause the bucketloads of other sites with UFC in their URL to follow suite. God knows, most of them get all their news from UFCJunkie to begin with. Er … MMAJunkie that is. Damn, this is gonna be hard to remember.

Face it … your chances of making it in MMA are pretty slim. Ever since The Ultimate Fighter debuted, every fight camp in North America is swarming with people who have way less of a life and therefore way more time on their hands to train than you. Sure, you might win a fight or two at whatever toughman competition happens in your town. But your career stops when you run into Warren Felterson who spends all his welfare check on steroids and all his time at the gym.

So why not just do something a bit less strenuous. Like American Gladiators. The pay’s pretty decent and you’ve got a good chance of fucking a co-star with an engorged penis-like clitoris. Honestly, were you really satisfied with that Chyna porn tape? Didn’t you say “Boy, I like how it gets up and erect, but now I want the chance to put my mouth on something like that too,”?

Well here’s your fucking chance! This saturday in Venice California, American Gladiators is holding auditions for the return of their show. Note in the casting call they say the new format is “NO-HOLDS-BARRED”. I would love to show up and test that statement out.

As Joe Rogan once said, this man is my hero. If MMA were World of Warcraft, this guy would be our Leeroy Jenkins. But who is the sophisticated individual behind this display of UFC love? What goes on in the brain behind all that neon green paint? Well, that answer (like most answers in MMA) comes courtesy of Jordan Breen, who officially knows too much about everything except the touch of a woman.

The guy above’s name is James Ladner, and you can all rest easy about mocking him because he’s in jail and can’t hurt you. At least until 2013, anyways. The charge? Receiving stolen property … farm equipment to be specific. Who knew getting caught chucking corn with a stolen corn chucker gets you eight years in federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison? I guess the term ‘Just Bleed’ takes on a whole new meaning now.

Hold onto your panties, people. Dave Meltzer has revealed the awesome twist for this season’s TUF, and let me tell you what … it rivals anything M Night Shamalayan has ever done. Get this:

Specifically, the coach of the winning team will not pick the match up for the next bout. Instead, the coaches will alternate each week — regardless of a win or loss — when it comes to selecting the fights. The coach whose team has accrued the most wins throughout the six-week process will earn the right to coordinate both semifinal match ups.

Oh wow. That totally earned TUF a spot back on my Tivo. Not. What a revolutionary change that’s sure to change the entire feel of the series. Not. My hat is off to UFC brass for thinking completely outside the box and electrifying their stagnant series. Not.

For those of you who haven’t been around very long, let me point you to two articles I wrote on what TUF really needs to do to win me back. Unfortunately for me, I still have to watch this stagnant piece of shit in order to do commentary … the price I pay to provide you all with your daily dose of pissed off commentary. I swear to God there are lifeforms that evolve faster than this show.

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