twitter google

Face it … your chances of making it in MMA are pretty slim. Ever since The Ultimate Fighter debuted, every fight camp in North America is swarming with people who have way less of a life and therefore way more time on their hands to train than you. Sure, you might win a fight or two at whatever toughman competition happens in your town. But your career stops when you run into Warren Felterson who spends all his welfare check on steroids and all his time at the gym.

So why not just do something a bit less strenuous. Like American Gladiators. The pay’s pretty decent and you’ve got a good chance of fucking a co-star with an engorged penis-like clitoris. Honestly, were you really satisfied with that Chyna porn tape? Didn’t you say “Boy, I like how it gets up and erect, but now I want the chance to put my mouth on something like that too,”?

Well here’s your fucking chance! This saturday in Venice California, American Gladiators is holding auditions for the return of their show. Note in the casting call they say the new format is “NO-HOLDS-BARRED”. I would love to show up and test that statement out.

As Joe Rogan once said, this man is my hero. If MMA were World of Warcraft, this guy would be our Leeroy Jenkins. But who is the sophisticated individual behind this display of UFC love? What goes on in the brain behind all that neon green paint? Well, that answer (like most answers in MMA) comes courtesy of Jordan Breen, who officially knows too much about everything except the touch of a woman.

The guy above’s name is James Ladner, and you can all rest easy about mocking him because he’s in jail and can’t hurt you. At least until 2013, anyways. The charge? Receiving stolen property … farm equipment to be specific. Who knew getting caught chucking corn with a stolen corn chucker gets you eight years in federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison? I guess the term ‘Just Bleed’ takes on a whole new meaning now.

Hold onto your panties, people. Dave Meltzer has revealed the awesome twist for this season’s TUF, and let me tell you what … it rivals anything M Night Shamalayan has ever done. Get this:

Specifically, the coach of the winning team will not pick the match up for the next bout. Instead, the coaches will alternate each week — regardless of a win or loss — when it comes to selecting the fights. The coach whose team has accrued the most wins throughout the six-week process will earn the right to coordinate both semifinal match ups.

Oh wow. That totally earned TUF a spot back on my Tivo. Not. What a revolutionary change that’s sure to change the entire feel of the series. Not. My hat is off to UFC brass for thinking completely outside the box and electrifying their stagnant series. Not.

For those of you who haven’t been around very long, let me point you to two articles I wrote on what TUF really needs to do to win me back. Unfortunately for me, I still have to watch this stagnant piece of shit in order to do commentary … the price I pay to provide you all with your daily dose of pissed off commentary. I swear to God there are lifeforms that evolve faster than this show.

Yeah we did another show yesterday. The talkshoe applet on the sidebar didn’t update earlier, but it’s all good in the hood now. So check this shit out! You can stream it and all that junk. I love technology.

I was looking over the conference call info for September 15th’s EliteXC show, and it got me thinking about their women’s division. First off I want to say hats off to EliteXC for bringing women’s MMA into the big leagues. With their marketing of Gina Carano they’ve managed to create a certain amount of legitimacy for fighting females. But now I gotta say this: if EliteXC is serious about promoting more than just Gina, they better get off their fucking asses and start booking more female fights.

So far the only bouts EliteXC has set up with women have all been for Gina. And they’re not just featuring Gina, they’re tailor made for her. Hey, I’ve got no issue with EliteXC developing their stars, but over the interests of developing a division? There’s tons of women out there who could literally rip Gina’s head off and shit down her throat. That alone would be worth the price of a PPV.

But fine … EliteXC wants to cultivate Gina’s talent so she moves past her ‘poster-girl’ status. They want her to develop into a true force in women’s MMA. Fine. I get it. I’m not demanding Gary Shaw sacrifices her to Amanda Buckner … but I do think it’s a shame that women like Buckner are stuck fighting in local shows and fucking Bodog. There’s no reason why Shaw shouldn’t be developing the women’s division in between Carano’s sparse appearances. Female MMA is one of the niches that the UFC has left open for EliteXC to exploit. And they should be milking it for all it’s worth.

So please … for all you ‘real media’ guys who are gonna be on this call: Can you please ask Gary why EliteXC has a Gina Division instead of a Women’s Division?

Page 2,863 of 2,9681...102030...2,8612,8622,8632,8642,865...2,8702,8802,890...2,968

Follow Fightlinker

Archives