First it was robots. Now Tetris blocks have joined in on the MMA action, stealing away jobs from young jackasses with bad tattoos and a gimmicky haircut.
Props to Kurt Pellegrino for being totally in touch with his feelings:
KM: Anything else to get across to the fans?
KP: I love the fans but don’t boo when the fighters are squaring off looking for a way to win. We aren’t looking to stall, we are looking for a way not to die out. It hurts my feelings. I’m trying to end the fight as fast as possible.
In addition, Kristin Niedzulski, the first female MMA competitor produced by the famed Lion’s Den camp, defeated Shawn Tamaribuchi by TKO just 23 seconds into the opening round. Niedzulski mounted her opponent almost immediately and forced the referee stoppage soon after.
Now as the subject first explains, I was initially thinking Kristin’s opponent ‘Shawn’ was a guy. And as much as I respect female MMA, I still think getting smashed in under 30 seconds by a chick has to be the most emasculating thing that will ever happen to you. Except perhaps being dildo raped by the girls from S Club 7. Anyways, the sad truth is ‘Shawn Tamiribuchi’ is a girl. The good news is she’s a fucking psycho:
The artists (Jez Lee and Shawn Tamaribuchi) warned me that someone had passed out the night before, and so I was prepared for some gory exhibitionism. What I wasn’t prepared for was the innocent-seeming, hand-holding and pantless duo that stood smiling sweetly at the audience, playfully lifting their shirts to reveal a pert breast in between playful kisses. Once they reassured the audience with the cloying sweetness of their affection, the modesty-free wonders armed themselves with syringes and snapping rubber and sat down at a dining table to draw each other’s blood, intermittently letting loose snippets of conversation and interaction that signified a new level of PDA.
“Hold the vein down and don’t miss it.”
“The rubber’s breaking!”
“It’s going to explode!”
The scenario is a simple enough one: the duo on stage is drawing each other’s blood so that they can drink it, hence the piece’s name, “Bodyshots.” But what’s mesmerizing is not the act of drinking fresh blood; it’s the dynamic between the two women.
That’s just scratching the surface of who Shawn Tamiribuchi is. As far as I can tell, Shawn is a full fledged homosexual extreme performance artist with a taste for pain. Which makes her almost as cool as Roxanne Modafferi in my books, although about 50 times more intimidating. If only for the sake of diversity in the MMA landscape (how long will Rory Singer be the only openly gay fighter?), I hope Shawn sticks with it and gets somewhere.
Some random thoughts on UFC74 pay:
Marcus Aurelio’s base pay was over 4 times higher than Clay Guida’s. Even with the win, Clay still made less than half of what Aurelio made to lose.
Another lopsided discrepancy was Roger Huerta … his base pay was 4.25 times what Alberto Crane made. Hey, we’re not against paying shit for starting fighters, but when you’re matching dudes up, have some consideration for the stupidity of the pay scale. I bet if we added up all the salaries for the guys Roger Huerta has ever fought in the UFC, it wouldn’t equal his base pay for this single fight.
Even Josh Koscheck got the bone … me so horny GSP made 70k base pay while the KOS’s base was 10k. Simple mathematics show GSP making seven times what Koscheck makes. Of course, simple mathematics also shows GSP being worth about 50 times what Koscheck is. But still … that poor bastard KOS is still on the TUF salary. Makes you wonder why anyone is crazy enough to go on that show. Sure, it’s a ton of exposure … but then you’re stuck in a three year contract making as little as 30 to 40k a year. I suppose sponsorship shores up the discrepancy. But still, three years is a lifetime in the UFC … stars rise and fall in that time.
I’m glad to see Gonzaga making some decent coin. With the depth of the UFC heavyweight division, I hope they don’t just toss him out on his ass like they did after Jeff Monson lost to Tim Sylvia.
Man, I go away for a few days and half the internet grows a big hairy vagina. The latest big hairy vaginal secretion from this big hairy vagina is all about how Renato Sobral is on par with Hitler and John Tesh as one of the most evil men in the world. While I’m not going to outright defend Babalu, I am going to say one thing: The majority of the retards out there dishing out on this subject were dishing BEFORE THEY EVEN SAW WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT.
Yes, Sobral held the choke for a whole three missisippis after the tap. But so did BJ Penn back in June against Jens Pulver. Where was the outrage then? Instead, everyone just said “Wow, I’m going to BJPENN.COM!”
There’s no doubt that what Babalu did was wrong, and it’s definitely a good idea for the NSAC to suspend and fine him to set precident. But where was the screaming lynch mob when BJ Penn did the exact same thing? Or does this only apply because Babalu was also squeezing blood out of David Heath’s head like a backyard sprinkler toy?
In the end I think the majority of this hullabaloo is unnecessary. The story of Babalu strangling Heath ‘half to death’ made it’s rounds through the internet before anyone even saw the damned fight. And once that became the primary focus for the entire internet, it has been blown way out of proportion. Well, you all can enjoy your ‘Two Minutes Hate’ on your own. Yeah, Babalu did something dumb and dangerous, and yeah it looks like he’s definitely going to pay for it. But I’ve already got someone hanging on the cross, and his name is Jesus. He died for our sins, and that’s all right. So let’s just remember that and the teachings of Christ our Lord and Savior.