Ever seen one of those movies where a crowd pelts someone with tomatoes and other rotten vegetables? Well, here’s your chance to see it happen in real life. Sean Sherk is signing Affliction shirts at the “Mall of America” (wherever the fuck that is) this Saturday July 28th.

This is a pretty ballsy appearance for someone to make just a week after being nailed for steroids. At first I wondered if this was planned before the bust and is now canceled. But according to people organizing it, everything is still a go and Sherk will show up. So remember to bring your tomatoes and rotten eggs. And don’t be afraid to accidentally hit innocent bystanders wearing Affliction shirts … the things already look like they were soaked in raw garbage anyways.

What a wasteland for relevant news this week has been. Today is no different, with the top story on the internet being the release of a new book on the UFC: The Idiot’s Guide to Mixed Martial Arts.

Yes, I am serious and yes, this book is real. It’s written by Rich Franklin and Jon Merz, so I really hope Jon has some knowledge of the Muay Thai clinch because I think Rich’s take on it would go something like this:

“The Muay Thai clinch is a bad bad bad painful hurtful place which I no like a lot. Expensially avoid it when you fight against Anderson Silva since he will be very good in it and break your nose very very bad. I pray to Jesus i do not get in this again I really really hope he will answer my prayer. So stay out of the muay thai clinch! In Jesus name, Amen.”

Unfortunately a closer look at Jon’s credentials has me shaking my head:

Jon F. Merz is the author of six novels and a martial artist and ninjutsu practitioner. He holds a fifth degree master instructor license from the 34th grandmaster of Togakure-ryu Ninjutsu in Japan. Jon is also the author of The Ninja Handbook.

Ninjitsu? Nin-fucking-jitsu? If Mr Ninjitsu had done any research on the subject, he’d know what happened to the last ninjitsu guy to step into the octagon. One of the reasons I like mixed martial arts so much is it has exposed fraud martial arts like this one. Now they’ve got the guy who wrote “The Ninja Handbook” writing the book on mixed martial arts? For shame.

If you’ve ever wondered what UFC ring girl Ali Sonoma thought of dogfighting, here’s your answer:

You have a Golden Retriever. Michael Vick is in the news due to the dogfighting scandal. What do you think of dogfighting?

Being an animal lover, especially of dogs, I am totally against dogfighting or any form of hurting an animal. I think it’s a really cruel form of entertainment and it really disgusts me to think of it. Why watch dogs fight when you can watch the UFC!

Well, I was wondering why Zuffa was taking down Pride fights on Youtube and Dailymotion … well here’s the answer: they’re now selling Pride videos on video.ufc.com.

Luke Thomas has been on a roll lately, pissing off people left and right. He did a live radio show on Steroids that made Zach Arnold cry harder than Loretta Hunt that time Phil Baroni headbutted her. Luke later apologized, but then went on to totally flame some asshat from the Washington Post. El Douche from the Post had this to say about MMA:

Wouldn’t it be nice to forever ban Ultimate Fighting from the airwaves, not to mention the pages of my favorite Washington newspaper? It’s gratuitous street fighting violence, pure and simple, and spare me the mixed martial arts garbage or readership surveys that say it appeals to potential 18- to 34-year-old readers. You watch this stuff, you don’t read.

To which Thomas replied (and I’ll just take a little scoop of this):

How embarrassed must Olympic wrestlers like Dan Henderson and Olympic Silver Medalist Matt Lindland be to learn that drunk rednecks are as skilled as they! How sad it must make Gold Medal judoka Hidehiko Yoshida to know his years of training can be duplicated by two obese losers in a back alley! How upsetting it must be for Olympic boxer Antonio Rogerio Nogueira to know any street kid can box as well as he without the slightest bit of training!

Len, I must know what alleys and streets you traverse. Don’t you realize I could make a fortune?!?!? I wouldn’t need to pay highly-skilled, highly-trained, highly-athletic, highly accomplished professional fighters thousands of dollars to fight! All I need are some coordinates to your neighborhood and I can see the exact same thing. Man, are you one lucky guy or what?!

Normally I don’t encourage people to involve themselves in the retarded machinations of the mainstream media. Trying to explain MMA to your average newspaper columnist is like trying to teach your dog how THAC0 works (if you didn’t get that, then you failed your saving throw vs Geek). I’m down like brown with Luke though … he’s got an bastard streak that’s right up my alley. He tries to hide it in his quest to become a respectable MMA personality but the truth of the matter is he’s just as big of an asshole as I am. So I will always enjoy it when he tears these morons a new one.

Oh and Zach, I’m not talking to you when I’m talking about morons. I love you too. And Erin, because she loves me. Thaler I’m not too sure on … at the last Puresurorer sleepover he ate all my Turtles. Not cool, man. Not cool.

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