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This is about as surprising as PRIDE’s offices closing. Yesterday we reported that CFFC was dumping that annoying PPV model and going with the more lucritive ‘Internet’ model. Of course, how they planned to make money off the internet was still a big question mark. I guess they didn’t get to think that far ahead, because the investor issue that caused them to drop PPV access has also caused them to cancel the entire show.

This is proving to be a sad month for freakshow fans as the promotions they rely on for retarded matchups are falling arpart one by one. The problem with this one? An investor apparently backed out. On the surface this seems to make sense … investors don’t give a shit about MMA. If an evil investor doesn’t think he’s gonna make his money back on an event or if profit margins aren’t high enough, it seems logical that an investor would yank his funds.

Of course, this isn’t high school and the investor isn’t your dad funding your garage band’s first demo CD. Most smart companies doing big money deals tend to put their agreements down on paper, and investors pull out after an event doesn’t meet their expectations, not a week before the show is supposed to go on. But hey … I’m not a lawyer and I’m not a business expert, so who knows.

Perhaps the CFFC did go into this deal with an investor without taking legal precautions to protect themselves from this kind of company-busting scenario. Or maybe we’ll be hearing about a lawsuit against the investor in the next few events. I guess we’ll see. But one thing it looks like we won’t see any time soon is Kimbo Slice vs Tank Abbott. Boo hoo.

Now before you all start hating on me for being a redneck racist, let me say that this is a quote from TUF6 contestant Dorian Price. But hey, it gets better:

“I understand that they are gonna make me out to be a crazy nigga on next weeks episode. Well for the record i want to apologize ahead of time for my behavior there was a reason i kirked out and I’m sure they won’t show it. I’ll explain later. What i did was wrong I shouldn’t have rushed the camera man. Everybody around me told me don’t do the show for several reasons two being that i had a obvious weakness on the ground which every body saw and the other will air next week. America loves nothing more than to make a nigga appear to be crazy. At this point it is what it is but i’d just like to but that out there. In closing i’d just like to say that instead of rushing the camera man i should of rushed the cocksuckas who edited the show. Fuck you cowards who get on those forums and talk shit on me and other fighters. I read your shit some of you posted on me and guess what ya some dumb muthafuckas yeh I ain’t got no ground game but I dare anyone of you fags to stand with me. (Pussies) For the record maybe you get me on the feet but ain’t nobody ever beat me on the feet without paying a heavy price. If you see me on the streets man up muthafuckas test the waters homos ain’t no keyboard to hide behind. Or better yet introduce yourself to me and i’ll set it off for you you chicken shits. I got nothing to lose faggots I’m a man and live or die i fear no one.

P.S. I guess maybe i am crazy but you know what I really don’t give a fuck.”

The first half of Dorian’s statement is pretty level headed and goddamn if this isn’t true. Black guys on television seem to fulfill two purposes: to act all savage and to die. Fuck, even in that Transformers movie the only good robot that died was the black robot Jazz. And that black doctor on Grey’s Anatomy? They made him out to be a crazy nigga too.

Of course, Dorian doesn’t help himself much at the end of his statement. By the end he really is acting crazy, but I’ll give him a pass because I love the term “kirked out” and because I anticipate Dorian’s gonna provide one of the most awesome moments in reality show history next week. Dana White should be paying this guy more … his blowout is gonna be a bigger deal than that lame streetfight from season whatever.

I really hope the UFC isn’t blacklisting these guys forever for what happens on the show. You can’t drop people into a Lord of the Flies type scenario and then blame them when someone drops a boulder on Piggy’s fat face. If anyone is responsible, it’s Zuffa and Spike TV. Or perhaps the blame goes further: to all of America. Because Dorian Price is right … we love this shit. We fucking love it.

I’m glad this has finally been announced because I knew about it a few weeks ago and was itching to write something about it. I basically bullied Sam into spilling the beans by threatening to sic my readers on him, and it worked! Sweet. You guys are jackals and I love it.

Anyways, congrats to Sam who fulfilled every blogger’s secret dream of selling out. Of course, since Sam was already writing for CBS Sports, this is just the next level of selling out. Where once he got some of that sweet journalistic integrity, he’s now gonna get a taste of what it’s like to be a corporate shill.

Of course, people really have a warped idea of how being a shill works. Everyone’s now expecting Sam to be uber-critical of all non-ProElite companies. They’re also expecting him to drink the ProElite kool-aid. I very much doubt the first concern will happen, but of course he’s gonna drink the fucking kool-aid. Thomas Gerbasi drinks the UFC kool-aid. Fuck, Gerbasi MAKES the UFC kool-aid. And it’ll be the same for Sam: they’re paying him to cover ProElite. If they didn’t want him to give preferential coverage to their company, they wouldn’t have had to hire him.

Anyways, it comes down to this:

  • Good – Another one of ‘us’ (‘us’ being the lowly blog bums) gets to make a decent living writing about MMA.
  • Bad – That writing is now going on the ugly as sin ProElite website.
  • Good – Sam Caplan now has unparalleled access to the second largest MMA company in the world (or third largest? Is HERO’s still ahead?), which means more good news and interviews for us.
  • Bad – If Sam hears about Kelly Perdew ass fucking $kala in the broom closet during lunch, we might not get to hear about it.

But hey, if Sam covered stuff like that I’d be out of a job. And by job I mean draining hobby that has destroyed my business and personal life. So maybe it’s good that Sam doesn’t cover that kind of thing. So congrats to Sam Caplan for landing this sweet ass job and I look forward to harrassing him more down the road.

So what if it’s The Log, ‘SoCal’s #1 Boating and Fishing Newspaper’? Evan Tanner gets some press and we get to see a picture of his boat sunk in the harbor. Everyone else on the internet is all “Oh, poor Evan, blah blah blah”. Hey, I’ll give him some sympathy when it comes to his personal demons but his retarded boating misadventures are totally fair game. And it could be worse … a few months back we here at Fightlinker were expecting Evan to go down with the ship and never be heard from again.

What surprises me the most about this article is how well researched it is. Not only did these guys figure out who’s boat this was, the reporter followed up and read through Evan Tanner’s mad ramblings to get the skinny on why the fuck he left it in the bay. It was also nice of him to leave out a lot of the more salacious details of the whole affair. In short, I nominate this unknown writer to replace Kevin Iole at Yahoo Sports.

Zach Arnold has been walking around the past few days with a tent pitched in his pants, and you know what that means: JAPAN SCANDAL! In what everyone in America saw coming a mile away but apparently blindsided the Japanese, Zuffa pulled the plug on the Japanese PRIDE office, firing everyone with a phone call.

I can’t say I’m surprised. Actually, I am surprised that the office was even still open … sounds like a pretty sweet and easy job to have for a few months. Well, minus the soul-sucking aspect of not doing anything or knowing what’s going on. And then being fired over the phone and kicked out of the building. Okay, maybe that’s not the sweetest job ever, especially for those finicky Japanese. I’m sure there was much SHAME bestowed on everyone involved, many clenched fists, single tears, and shouts that Zuffa had no honor.

But hey, what was Zuffa to do? Japan has this hardcore attitude towards foreigners that makes doing business over there near impossible. To quote a western proverb, “Lucy ain’t ever going to let Charlie Brown kick that fucking football”. So it’s not really fair for them to get all pissy when Zuffa said stuff it and gave up on PRIDE.

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