Despite the fact that pro wrestling sucks balls, they nevertheless manage to crap out a little chocolate darling every 9 months or so in what I can only describe as the most played out and shitty franchise in game history (right beside Tony fucking Hawk). Zuffa, on the other hand, has decided that gamers need to wait until 2009 to get a fix of MMA on a next gen console. WTF???
Taking two years to develop a product better make this the most epic fighting game in history. Knowing what general retards they can be, I decided that as the only experienced gamer here at Fightlinker (last game Ryan mastered was Mario Bros 3), I’d act as consultant. So here are my design proposals to ensure that the new UFC game will be fucking awesome:
- Record hours and hours of shit talk from fighters, and play them randomly before each fight.
- Tim Sylvia’s power move: Pants Shit!
- Fighter Customizing options that allows you to finally remove god awful tattoos from those poor misguided fools.
- Secret option that allows you to unlock Joe Rogan and Dana White as ‘fighters’.
- Dance Dance Revolution after your win when playing Anderson Silva, Din Thomas, and Rashad Evans.
- Story Mode- allow players to experience the true tragedy of the life of a fighter. Learn how exciting it can be to fall under the spell of alcohol addiction, go through a infuriating steroids trial, and more!
- Manager mode: Play as Dana White! Underpay fighters and punish boring fighters by not giving them title shots. Also, put any division titles on hold indefinitely by quickly tapping on the “TUF” button.
Ok, so these ideas are terrible. But are they any worse than having to wait two full years before a decent game shows up?