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(above: the official Zuffa Shogun Promo video which sucks balls)

Hmm, what is missing from the official Shogun promo video that Zuffa has put up on the internets? Could it be the total domination of current UFC champion Quinton “Rampage” Jackson? Yeah, I guess it is kinda weird that they skip over that. Say what you will about the UFC promoting Chuck like crazy over Jackson, they’re not about to display their current champion getting one of the most brutal beatdowns this side of Tokyo.

Or perhaps they were just in too much of a rush to get this turd out the door? It is a pretty weak promo video … you’d figure the people at Zuffa would be better at using video editing software than some guy from Germany! Seriously, watch the German dude’s video. It’s like the “Transformers” of MMA highlight clips. Zuffa should hire this kid … of course knowing them, they’ll probably just sue him instead.

For me, the most educational part of the whole recent steroid scandal has been how people in the mixed martial arts community perceive banned substances. You have guys like Zach Arnold who watched pro wrestlers blow organs and blood all over the place like some kind of fucked up Seaworld show. Suffice to say Zach is slightly anti-steroids.

Then you have another large group of MMA personalities who aren’t exactly anti-steroids in society, but they are anti-cheating and don’t think steroids are fair in professional competition. Last but not least you have the steroid apologists who basically say several things:

  • Steroids don’t actually help you fight better, they’re just a recovery tool
  • Steroids don’t kill everyone who uses them, so who cares?
  • It’s either steroids or Xenergy Cran-Razz, and any sane person would rather jab needles into their balls than drink that shit.

Long story short, there’s a fuckload of people who are perfectly fine with the idea of fighters juicing up to superhuman levels and duking it out like mutants from an X-Man comic. And while on one level I’m perfectly fine with that (that’s pretty much what half the PRIDE heavyweight division was all about), I suppose on another I do oppose this kind of stuff.

Why? Because the end result of steroids is shit like Phil Baroni’s groin exploding and Sean Sherk as the lightweight champion. The end result is a real reason for mainstream fucktard ‘journalists’ to piss on our sport. The end result is monster juice monkeys with pea sized testicles holding skilled fighters down and riding out decisions. And that’s not the kind of mixed martial arts that I wanna watch.

The day they bring out full-force cyborg fighting with HGH and steroids being injected into veins between rounds, I’ll be the first in line to buy tickets for it. But all the skulking and cheating and who is / who isn’t bullshit is just so lame.

Pfft, not likely. I’m a pretty big fan off MMAWeekly because they ask the fighters I wanna hear from the questions I want the answers from. Plus they’re not egotistical fucktards like the guys at Sherdog (except Jordan Breen – he’s so dreamy). However, the one thing I don’t like is their tendancy to suck some pretty smarmy cock from time to time. I’d dig up some examples but fuck you, I’m 7 hours into a 22 hour Law & Order marathon and can’t be bothered.

Anyways, back to Mark Coleman. Here’s the passage that has me shaking my head:

It could be argued that Couture has been more relevant to today’s mixed martial arts’ scene, but looking at the fight on paper they are roughly the same age, currently have identical 15-8 professional records, started their MMA careers in the UFC within a year of each other, and come from strong wrestling backgrounds. With the strong name recognition of each, it might be a fight that a segment of fans would want to see, although Coleman would likely have to take another fight in the UFC first. And that is all banking on the fact that Zuffa is willing bring him back to the Octagon.

Yeah, ‘it could be argued’. That’s like saying “I’m not about to say it, but I guess someone COULD say it.” Now I don’t want to come off sounding too negative (because this site is all about sunshine and puppies), but Mark Coleman is over the hill. And while I’m not against two over the hill fighters going at it (winner gets a rascal scooter and bumped up in line for a new kidney), Randy Couture isn’t exactly over the hill. Actually, last time I checked he was … um … Heavyweight champion of the world or some junk?

This just goes to show you how absolutely clueless Mark Coleman is to the reality of his own limitations. I remember thinking this same thought back when he went up against Fedor: Mark must either think the beating is worth the money/exposure, or he really thinks he can win (aka he’s delusional).

This is why the UFC doesn’t want to deal with guys like Coleman, Shamrock, and Frye : they still think they can bang with the top guns, and they consistently get the tar beaten out of them match after match. It’s only a matter of time before one of them just up and dies in the ring because they’re too stubborn to stop.

It seems like not a month goes by without Brandon Vera saying he’s gonna be back in action ‘soon’. I was getting worried because July was almost over and the only Vera sighting has been on that reality show Fight Girls. Hey, I don’t blame him … with the way the UFC’s HW division has been stacking up lately, I’d be hiding with the women too.

Anyways, Vera has finally popped back up spouting the same message he was saying last month and the month before and the month before. Fortunately for his fan, I think this time things might actually move forward. Not only has an actual arbitration date been set, but there’s some relatively solid rumor-mongering going over at UFCMania that the UFC is prepped to stick Vera in the octagon with erstewhile contender Andrei Arlovski. Yippy skippy. I love it when two guys I don’t like face off in the octagon … you’re pretty much guaranteed to see one of them get their asses kicked.

Continuing the trend of big companies releasing substandard garbage, we’ve got Cage Rage with perhaps the ugliest piece of promotional shit I’ve ever seen. And that says a lot. I know everyone has a cracked copy of Photoshop on their computer nowadays, but how the hell did this get past quality control? I imagine the scenario going something like this:

“Hey check out this very cool poster I made for the next event, isn’t this like totally awesome?”

“Wow, it looks like totally kicking asses. This is like totally the most cutting edge design I’ve ever seen in my total life! I love the urine yellow background. It’s major dope.”

“Do you like the phat hip-hopper writing? I got it off of 1001freefonts.com! Respect.”

“No way, I do not believe it. It is looks way too much professional to be free.”

“Yes way dude. Now lets go ass fuck each other!”

“It’s your turn to pitch.”

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