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This is my favorite story of the day for it’s sheer stupidity. Right now, people are going around basically saying that the reason Fedor is not with the UFC is because Dana White recited a Boney M lyric and called Fedor’s management ‘those crazy russians’.

Let’s put this one to sleep right now: This has to be the dumbest idea in the history of the universe. If you take even half a minute to actually think it through you’ll realize how fucking stupid it is. Here’s the simple, boring fact of the matter: The UFC wasn’t willing to let Fedor do everything he wanted to do. The new M-1 was willing to give Fedor everything he wanted. End of story.

As pissed as I am that Fedor didn’t come to the UFC and the subsequent departure of Randy Couture as a result, I’m not gonna put the blame on Dana White (fuck, this is starting to become a trend). The UFC has a few iron-clad conditions when it comes to fighter agreements, and if Fedor isn’t willing to agree to those then he can go fuck himself with whatever vegetable is most common in his god-forsaken country.

The day the UFC starts agreeing to retarded fighter demands in order to sign them is the day they take another step towards being boxing. Conditions like “Fighter X can only fight in the UFC” aren’t there because the UFC are petty bastards … it’s a cornerstone of the organization that has allowed them to create the stability and consistency needed to keep the sport growing. And how fucked up is it that Fedor’s agents wanted to add in clauses that would have the UFC working with the old M-1 to do an event in Russia?

It doesn’t surprise me that the deal between the UFC and Fedor fell apart … his agents really are crazy Russians. I’m sure they’re feeling pretty smart right now with the M-1 sale and this new organization. But it will be interesting to see how smug they are in a year from now when M-1 collapses from it’s own ambitions and ineptitude.

Hello class, and welcome to another edition of Cut Throat Business Tactics. Last time you’ll remember we covered how to force your fighters into re-signing with your organization, or failing that drag them down into obscurity by benching them for over half a year. This is a great tactic for lowballing fighters who still want to stay in your organization, but what about when a fighter wants nothing more to do with you than expose your evil business dealings?

That’s a good question, and fortunately Zuffa has once again provided us with a textbook example of what to do in that situation. In this case you’ve got beloved sports figure Randy Couture planning a press conference to tell people how bad the UFC sucks. Here’s what the UFC did to handle the situation:

1) Blamed the whole situation on Randy’s ‘Hollywood agent”. This is a brilliant case of deflection because, as we said, Randy is practically a saint in MMA. Shit-talking Randy Couture is akin to shit-talking Jesus himself. But everyone hates agents … ‘Hollywood’ agents doubly as much. By blaming this whole situation on a sleazy agent, Dana White is free to say whatever he wants without seeming like a gargantuan cock, and still pretend he’s BFF with Couture.

2) Invite Randy back to the negotiating table, and say things like you’ve “never said no to Randy Couture”. This sidesteps the issues of respect and dishonesty. In fact, it makes people forget that the only reason Randy would have to come back to the table is because his original contract might well have been written on a 2 foot dildo they subsequently raped him with.

3) Randy Couture planning a press conference to counter your PR spins? Who cares. You’re way better at press conferences, so why not throw an even bigger one 30 minutes before Randy’s? At best most press outfits will have to choose one of the two and will choose yours instead of his. At worst you can release enough positive news to bury whatever Randy has to say out from the headlines.

Thank fucking god. I just got an email in my inbox with the following news:

Please be aware that all bouts in the Strikeforce 185 pound tournament featuring Trevor Prangley, Falaniko Vitale, Yuki Sasaki, and Jorge Santiago will consist of two, FIVE-MINUTE rounds.

I was just in the middle of writing about how balls it was that the tournament was stuck with two 2 minute rounds. Yes … 4 minute fights! I had pretty much written this whole thing off, but I’m a much happier Fightlinker now. Now all I have to do is hit Trevor Prangley in the knee with a metal baton and Sean Salmon will be in the tournament!

Here’s a picture of Josh Barnett-trained Ginele Marquez in the process of getting smashed in by Canada’s Sarah Kaufman at last weekend’s HCF show. The casual inclusion of female fighters in middle-sized promotions across North America is a positive sign for the sport in general. To see more pictures, go to MMA Ring Report.

Just thought I would point out that Denny Burkholder over at CBS Sportsline got a new author’s picture that makes him look slightly less like a grinning pineapple than before. I still have to wonder thought if a nasty chinstrap beard is a job requirement over at the Sportsline.

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