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See, I can pump out a way better poster in ten minutes!

Every time I see a ‘real’ company put out advertising that looks like it was made by a twelve year old on CorelDraw, it makes me shake my head. Terrible layout, generic fonts, pixelation (the cardinal sin) … the list goes on and on. Come on now, Cuban. Fire your fucking cousin and get a real graphic designer to do your promotional items.

Haha, goddamn I love fucking with you guys. You’d think I called your sister a whore the way you reacted to my post on why UFC 78 sucks. She is a whore though. Seriously. 40 dollars for vanilla and 80 for chocolate. You don’t want to know what she’ll do with another girl and a cup for 200 bucks.

Yes, UFC 78 sucks because it marks the continued decline in the quality of UFC main events. It sucks because the UFC is trying to act like there’s nothing wrong with Bisping/Evans as a main event. For fuck’s sake … don’t drink the kool-aid and ignore the show’s flaws!

On the other hand, I do agree with most of you that the undercard is stacked with some awesome looking fights. Fisher vs Edgar features two of the gamest motherfuckers in the UFC squaring off. As I mentioned before, Karo vs Chonan should also be an all out war. Sure it’ll most likely go the distance, but it’ll probably be the kind of fight that you wish could go into overtime.

You can’t really go wrong with Thiago Silva vs Houston Alexander … well, you can if you’re the UFC because they really haven’t marketed this fight the way they should have. No one’s really aware of Thiago Silva’s rep … his last six fights have ended by knockout.

Fuck … past that, there are a lot of other interesting fights. I’m interested in seeing how Gono and Aurelio do, and I’m eager to hear about how badly Chris ‘Ten Chances’ Lytle does against Thiago Alves.

So let me just clarify for you guys : yeah, I’m excited for this show. And yeah, I recognize that it’s going to be great. But a PPV without a main event is like sex without coming. Now I know how my girlfriend feels.

Okay, we’ve gotta make some clarifications on our stance for UFC 78. Yes, we’ve been whipping this bitch for weeks now since they announced Evans/Bisping as the main event. Have we gone overboard with our criticism of the event? Sure. But hey, this is Fightlinker, not

The reason we hate on UFC 78 is because it continues a disturbing trend that was established back at UFC 67 when Travis Lutter didn’t make weight. When asked why he was so pissed about Lutter’s weight, Dana said “This is a fucking pay per view and now it doesn’t have a title shot. That fucking sucks.” Yes Dana, it does suck.

But once the seal was broken, non-title UFCs have slowly become accepted. UFC 70 got a pass because it was shown for free on Spike. But then we had UFC 72 on PPV, with the dog of a main event being Rich Franklin vs Yushin Okami for #1 contender. But hey, at least the fight MEANT something, right? Right???

Not so for UFC 76 : Knockout. Main event on that card … Keith Jardine vs Chuck Liddell. No belt. No contendership. Just the promise of a slugfest. But hey, at least we got to see Chuck Liddell, right? Right???

Now we’re at UFC 78. Main event: Rashad Evans vs Michael Bisping. Jesus ballsack Christ, people! I ‘understand’ that this wasn’t the UFC’s plan a, plan b, plan c or even plan d. But come on, now. There comes a point where you have to say “You can’t continue to feed me crap and call it caviar.” While the UFC couldn’t come out and say “Yeah we know, the main event is kinda weak”, they could have at least dropped the PPV price or something.

Simple matter of fact is that if the UFC can get away with these tepid main events, they’ll do it. Rather than busting a nut and doing what they have to in order to fix their card, they’ll take a poo on a plate and serve it up with a smile. And that’s something everyone should be against on principle, no matter how many great sleeper matches are on the card as well.

(Fightlinker note – as an anniversary gift to my hetero site-partner Jake, I picked up a copy of the Idiot’s Guide to Ultimate Fighting. Not only would he get to soak in the juicy UFC propaganda, but he’d be able to provide you all with a nice review! Enjoy.)

There’s been talk around Fightlinker that everyone’s favorite sidekick is getting increasingly more knowledgeable when it comes to the realm of mixed martial arts. It’s not easy playing fiddle to Ryan’s banjo, especially since I got in the MMA game pretty late. Hell, by the time I started watching, the Ortiz golden age had long ended, and Georges St. Pierre was already on his knees begging for a title shot (for the second time – a piece of advice for all you novice fighters: by begging, you might just get a disproportionate amount of title fights, even if your english is terrible!).

Well, it’s finally time for me to reveal my secret to success: “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Ultimate Fighting”. Yes, I decided that for the good of the website, and the MMA world, I was simply going to have to bite the bullet and read this tome of infinite wisdom. The difference one afternoon makes, i tell you!

For those of you not “in the know”, the book was written by Rich Franklin and Jon F. Merz. The second guy is apparently a Ninjitsu Master, which basically means that the only thing he can do in the Octagon is throw a gas pellet and slit his opponent’s throat. It’s impossible to tell just who wrote what, although one thing clearly shines through the entire tome: Franklin wasn’t over his loss.

If you all remember, the book was written in the interim between Franklin’s first loss and subsequent rematch with Anderson Silva. With his spectacular defeat still making all the highlight reels, no doubt Franklin was still recovering from having his nose busted while putting ink to paper. It’s apparent throughout the book, as he endlessly goes on about the need to defend and master the clinch. The most prophetic moment comes near the end, of course, in the section “Building a Game Plan”

” …if the opponent is a gifted Muay Thai stylist renowned for his use of the clinch to deliver an awesome barrage of knee strikes, then the fighter will train to defend himself against such attacks. By constantly putting himself on the receiving end during practice, he will gain confidence in dealing with that situation. Hopefully, it will keep him protected during the fight, forcing the opponent to abandon or at least temporarily sideline that particular weapon and try something else.”

Wow. That’s really all you can say in hindsight. I mean, we all know what happened. Rich did as his book foretold: he tried valiantly to protect himself in the clinch, but unfortunately for him, Silva failed to abandon his atomic knees to the face.

Apart from Richie’s Nostradamus moments, the book reads like your typical guide, focusing strongly on grappling and defending/achieving better positioning, and training. Although there is a strong odor of sex from sucking Zuffa’s collective cocks, it never feels like it’s shilling too much. We all recognize the current domination of the UFC in the world of MMA. Had this been the Idiot’s Guide to EliteXC, it would have felt more like a press release than a book.

Still, it’s worth it just to see how many times Rich uses the word “God” (Ed’s Note – 47 times) when talking about his own story. There is, unfortunately, no parting thoughts on the wrecking ball that is Silva, but no doubt that too would have merited a shout out to the Lord, presumably, in the “Oh God, don’t let him hit me again” variety.

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