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Xyience is suing blogger Richard Bergeron of Unlimited Fight News. A while back Bergeron was spreading some pretty crackpot stories about Xyience being a front for swindling investors. Which is funny because I could have sworn Xyience was a front for selling bullshit nutritional supplements and making terrible commercials.

Here’s the things Bergeron accused Xyience of:

  • being investigated by the Securities and Exchange Commission
  • that there is a class action lawsuit against Xyience by it’s investors
  • that Xyience has ‘shell corporations’ which were basically slush funds for Xyience directors and board members.
  • that Xyience pays the UFC bogus sponsorship money and the UFC gives a portion of the money back to Xyience directors and board members.
  • that Xyience was created for the primary purpose of defrauding investors

These accusations were so outlandish and retarded that I didn’t even bother to repeat them … and I repeated that shit about Pat Miletich being an evil swinger! But wait – it gets better. Apparently, Xyience had problems with an investor who was going to invest fifteen million bucks in the company. The investor’s issue? Bergeron’s claims! Now that’s enough to get even the most laid back company ready to go to war.

Bergeron’s hilarious counter-movement to the lawsuit was to say “I live in Cape Cod, you filed in Nevada. No dice!” Hmm. Now I’m not a lawyer, but I’m pretty sure that argument doesn’t fly. But giving Bergeron the benefit of doubt, I’m sure the Xyience guys will find it really annoying to fly down to Cape Cod and file in the appropriate state. God knows they embezzle enough, I’m sure they can afford it.

Zach Arnold found it. Let’s get Sam Caplan to fight in it. I’ll take the reward. ‘’ features a very unique format: two guys fight MMA-style, the winner gets to fuck the ring girl. Of course the site’s a total piece of shit … no good preview vids, no good pics … nothing to get yer nut off for free at all!

If you wanna see a preview video without visiting the nasty site, click here. Don’t worry, it’s ‘safe’ to watch … the bastards didn’t even give us a nipple or warty vag. Which in the end is why they’re not going to succeed with this parasitic attempt to piggy back off the success of MMA. Guys beating the shit out of each other to fuck a chick on video is immoral, degenerate, depraved, and vile. Which is why it would be a massive success, *if* the genius guys behind this loosened their damned fists and showed us some fights and some fucking for free.

God knows most of the UFC shirts out there are total shite, but I’ve noticed lately that their designs are getting a lot worse lately. It’s like the graphic designer has been … ‘afflicted’ with something. Afflicted with shitty tired repetitive graphic design, that is.

Featuring original art by renowned artist Richard T. Slone, the ”Ultimate King Premium” t-shirt is pre-washed multiple times with enzymes, then masterfully hand-grinded and sanded in select areas and expertly silk screened across the seams, creating the best look and feel the world. As a finishing touch, each shirt is hand-embellished with imported crystal rhinestones and hammered metal studs, each one individually placed.

Yep that’s right, the crown has actual fucking rhinestones in it. And there’s nothing manlier than wearing a shirt with imported crystal rhinestones. Hey, I’m willing to accept the UFC putting guns of all things on ultimate fighting shirts. But rhinestones? Where the hell is this going? What’s next … a line of purses?

Move over UFC, you are no longer the undisputed master of MMA marketing. If you really wanna expand out and get new fans, you have to get them while they’re young. The best way to do that? Free face painting, and kids under 5 get in for 10 bucks. If that’s not enough for you white trash hicks to drag your FUCKING INFANTS to an MMA show, consider this: buy a ticket and they’ll top off your tan card!

Wow, I seem to be in this mood where everything I post is a quasi-invasion of privacy. I have to admit I was a little bit nervous when I posted up yesterday’s list of MMA journalists … you never know when someone’s gonna shit a kitten over having a picture of them reposted on the interwebs. Today’s edition of ‘Fightlinker is creepy and uses the web to stalk people’ features none other than Roxanne Modafferi’s Photobucket.

For those of you not in the know, I’m about one of the biggest Roxy fans out there. I’m crossing my fingers that one of the female fighters Gary Shaw was talking about signing is Roxy. If she isn’t, I think it’s time to start a fucking grassroots movement. And by grassroots movement I mean light a bag of poo on fire in front of Gary’s mansion.

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