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Well holy fuck. When I woke up this morning in extreme lower back pain, I was thinking the best thing that’d happen today would be a Robaxacet induced euphoria. But not even 30 minutes into the day we have this good news:

Evan Tanner Returns to UFC- Former Middleweight Champ Back in ’08
K.A.O.S. caught up with former UFC Middleweight Champ Evan Tanner who broke the news that he signed a 4 fight deal with UFC. Date, time and opponent still to be determined.

Of course, this could possibly be a hallucination based on Robaxacet induced euphoria. Or perhaps it’s a hallucination on Evan Tanner’s side caused by alcohol. Or maybe just a prank phone call. God knows, we’ve prank phone called Mike Pyle twice this week pretending to be different organizations that want to sign him. Idiot.

Of course, you know the UFC only signed Evan to replace their other inconsistent sketchy middleweight David Terrell. If Evan doesn’t pan out, maybe they’ll go for David L’Oiseau next. It kinda has the feel of barrel scraping on the UFC’s part, but I don’t mind. Think of this as all of the guys who should have been on TUF4 getting a less lame opportunity to come back to the UFC.

Lots of people mocked my totally not gay love for Ken Shamrock last week when I made the argument that Ken Shamrock was one of if not the biggest money maker for the UFC. I was originally gonna dig up some numbers, but instead I cried myself to sleep with your nasty comments ringing in my ears. But now, lo and behold: Ken Shamrock himself dug up the numbers to prove that I’m smart, U R dumb, fuck you, Shamrock rules:

And one of the facts are right here, Dana White says that Ken Shamrock did not make money for the UFC, but Randy Couture did. And Randy Couture is a great man, but for Dana White to say that about me, the facts are right here:

Shamrock-Ortiz I, UFC 40: 150k Pay-Per-View buys – double what Zuffa had done so far at that time, the highest in ’96.

Shamrock Vs. Ortiz II, UFC 61: 775k Pay-Per-View buys, second-highest UFC Pay-Per-View to date in history. Second-highest – no sports Pay-Per-View in history was first until De La Hoya and Mayweather.

Ultimate Fighter 3 averaged 1.7 for season average. For other seasons is 1.2. That included Randy Couture and Chuck Liddell – two of their biggest champions, we still outdid them.

So now Ken Shamrock and Ortiz III – rated top out of 5.7 million viewers during 9:30 to 9:45 period making it the most watched UFC event in the promotion’s history up to that date.

Now, what Dana White was saying was that Ken Shamrock did not make money for the UFC, but Randy Couture did. He knows these facts. He knows what I just quoted off. He deliberately lied to hurt my credibility. He knows these numbers.

HDNet just announced a partial card for their next show, and once again it’s pretty tame. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m amazed they’ve put a guy they cut from the last show in the headliner’s spot. If they really think Sean Salmon is headline material, why the fuck was he originally mid-card on the first HDNet show? And why did HDNet can Salmon over a contractual mistake last time?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I have no problem with HDNet taking their time and building up to a big level. But you’ve got smaller promotions all across America throwing bigger shows and making money. Considering the resources HDNet has, why the fuck can’t they get their cards up to the point where they aren’t bad on paper and worse on screen?

After taste testing some Xyience during a recent Low Blow, we could definitely tell you that you SHOULD be paid to drink that shit. And it looks like most of the fighters who were sponsored by Xyience agree … a bunch of them have told Xyience to fuck off when they didn’t get their moneys.

I was kinda wondering why the tide of fighters holding gay cans of ‘Sour Apple’ Xyience in the Octagon dried up. Here’s a list of fighters who ditched Xyience due to non-payment:

  • Sean Sherk
  • Rich Franklin
  • Chuck Liddell
  • Forrest Griffin
  • Matt Hughes

And here’s some other fighters that experienced problems getting paid but may or may not still be with the company:

  • Josh Koscheck
  • Mike Swick
  • Cung Le

Looking at the Xyience website, that’s 8 fighters out of the 9 shown on their page. The only guy not bitching is Anderson Silva, and that might be because no one understands Portuguese or because no one’s dumb enough to try and fuck over Anderson Silva.

Overall, it’s a pretty balls situation. And while Xyience has recently paid off the debt they owed to several fighters after an infusion of cash that’s rumored to have come from the Fertittas themselves, it’s how a company operates when they’re low on funds that tells you if they’re sketchy or not. And yes, these guys are sketchy … sketchy mc-sketch-a-lots.

**UPDATE** You can add Drew Fickett to the list of fighters who got stiffed.

Thanks to Mr. Theplague for cookin’ this up (I think). I think it’s a major improvement over ‘Rapid Fire

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