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Keith Kizer from the Nevada State Athletic Commission must be getting jealous of all the attention Armando Garcia has been getting lately. The Nevada commission head sat down and talked in detail with MMAWeekly about all the ins and outs regarding steroids. It’s really too bad he ended the interview with a pretty explosive “Users are Losers” speech, because it means a lot of people never really payed attention to all the other interesting shit he had to say. Here’s my favorite bits:

On Random Testing

Every state has their own procedures concerning who will be drug tested and Kizer explained how it’s decided in the state of Nevada. “Before July 1, which was our last budget, luckily we got the legislature to give us more money to test more. What we did was we tested every title fight and/or main event and we also did some undercard bouts, nothing set in stone. I don’t know if random is the right word, but basically Marc Ratner and now me as the director would go and pick two or three or four fighters to test as well just based on luck of the draw, so to speak, on these fighters.

So basically they’re saying they don’t have the money to test everyone. Let me tell ya something Keith. Looking at the statistics on the failure rate in MMA right now, you’ll make way more money off fines by testing everyone than you will off this rinky dink random testing shit.

On athletes cycling off

“That’s the situation there, but again if you’re using steroids and you’re trying to cheat you’d be crazy to have it in your system a week later. Of course you’re crazy to have it in your system fight night. That’s what makes some of these cases like the [Royce] Gracie case so strange to be such a high level. When we’ve busted people for Nandrolone, their levels have been closer to Sean Sherk’s level than to Royce’s level because arguably, I’m not speaking for Sean, that’s not our case, but arguably in some of the cases we’ve had it looks like the fighter just missed it by two days. Had he stopped taking steroids two days earlier, he would have gotten away with it. That may have been the situation. I’m not sure.”

On Sean Sherk’s best chance of clearing his name

“In those cases, what happened was you don’t test the sample you have at home because then the athlete can open protein powder, mix it with a bunch of steroids, take it and later say oh look here’s my product. Test it, you’ll see it’s mixed with steroids. I don’t know how it got in there. What you do is you get the lot number, you contact the manufacturer, the manufacturer finds some of the product he has that’s [not] opened. He sends it unopened to a testing lab, they test it, and then they see whether or not it got mixed unintentionally with some banned product. If that’s the case the athlete wins. That’s happened in track and field, and that may be the situation with Sean Sherk.”

Last night was my co-host’s girlfriend’s birthday so like the bastard he is, he went over there to see her rather than come over and record a new episode of the Low Blow. How selfish is that? Anyways, he’s APPARENTLY coming over tonight and we’re gonna get drunk, watch the SHOXC event and record ourselves a podcast. So stay tuned … the show should be up around midnight EST.

Tim Sylvia not only participated in the Quad Cities edition of ‘Dancing with the Stars’, he cleaned up on that motherfucker and took first place. I’ve been looking forward to seeing this video since I heard he was taking part in this … I was really hoping he’d accidentally KO his partner or shit himself again. Unfortunately, there’s none of that in this video. The end shows a jubilant Tim celebrating his win, although he did comment that he’d “rather be out in the woods killing shit”.

I don’t think I even have to comment on this. Just watch it. It is so fucked up. Luke Cummo is such a freakin weirdo. I found out about this video from this interview with Luke Cummo:

Kodiak MMA: Shifting gears a bit, your web site,, features your own cooking show, Kung Food. I’ve seen two episodes and really enjoy it. Talk to us a bit about the show, about what “Lifefood” is, and about your affiliation with Dr. Jubb, who seems like a pretty cool guy to be around.

Luke Cummo: Dr. Jubb really is on the forefront of human nutrition and healing. He’s been like an olympic athlete over the past 30 years or more, studying 16 hours a day. The insight he’s developed has never been written down before and the things he’s seen under the most powerful microscopes people have yet to even consider.

“Lifefood” is the term Dr. Jubb uses to describe this insight. It’s only food that can be found growing wild in nature. All others can only be found growing within a farmer’s fence line and have been hybridized over eons. Why can’t they grow wild in nature? Because they don’t have the biological forces necessary to eco-sterilize against mold, fungus, and yeast, which are the chief undertakers of the planet. When we bring these things into us, they break down into those very micro-organisms inside our intestines, and this is the cause of most all disease.

Since I’ve discovered Lifefood and the corresponding cleansing program, Jubb’s Cell Rejuvenation, my health has improved in all areas. My body fat has decreased as well as my recovery time from hard training sessions. I’m thinking clearer and faster and my disposition is generally more positive. I started out just doing some work-study at Jubb’s Longevity and now Dr. Jubb is one of my main sponsors. The advice he gives me and the training he puts me through is top-secret.

On my internet food-preparation show, Kung Food, I feature someone from the MMA community that I know and take their favorite food and turn it into a Lifefood meal. Then we do an MMA workout and sample the recipe at the end. The next episode is in editing right now and features my coach Ray Longo.

Kodiak MMA: What can fans expect from you on September 19?

Luke Cummo: I am going to be lighter, stronger, faster, and look more ripped than ever before. My best performances are yet to come. Hopefully my fight will be televised as well as the entrance in to the octagon because I have something special planned.

10 bucks says he plans to drink his own urine on the way to the octagon.

Fuck I love Georges St Pierre. If I could somehow murder a woman and implant her ovaries and all that junk into my belly, I would totally have his babies. They would be named Georges Jr, Raymonde Cesar, and Lucille-Therien St Pierre. We would raise the kids out in the country so they would get to enjoy nature, and under Georges’ watchful eye they would all become world mixed martial arts champions.

What possible reason could I have for loving Georges so? It’s shit like this that gives me a boner:

GH: In the past, we had heard that you may be interested in actually moving up to 185 lbs to take on Anderson Silva. Are you still comfortable at 170?

GSP: I am very comfortable at 170. People think that I am bigger than I am. I don’t cut much weight. One day when I become world champion again and I have the opportunity to go up and I don’t have much competition in my division, I think I would go up.

It would be for the challenge. Nothing personal – I just want to make my mark in the sport. I want to make history. I want people to remember me as the best fighter there has ever been in the sport. To do that, I need to do some crazy stuff like going up and challenging other champions and that is in my plans.

Normally I’m not impressed by fighters who always talk about switching weight classes. Either they’re changing because they’re washed up or changing because they’re lazy about cutting weight and don’t feel like skipping the pineapple at luaus. But Georges wants to do it right: clear out the division and then move up in order to cement a legacy.

Of course, he’ll have to manage to hold onto the welterweight belt a bit longer than the first time he had it. That last time was a bit of an oopsie.

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