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You learn a lot of things about a dude by reading his wikipedia page. Stuff like his real name (Kevin Ferguson). His fighting style (‘fisticuffs’). His old job (pornstar bodyguard). Who he’s fought (Big D, Astro Puff and Chico). But what Kimbo’s wiki doesn’t tell you is that he’s being trained by Bas Rutten. And let me tell you something: If Bas Rutten gives someone his seal of approval, then they’re okay. Bas Rutten could say OJ Simpson was innocent, and I’d believe him. So even though I’ve shat on Kimbo Slice in the past, he’s with Bas now so we’re tight. Seen?

Zach Arnold scoops me on the funniest quote of the century. Did I need a reason to hate him more? You’re going down, Mr Puroresusruosurusoo.

For our obvious news of the day, it turns out that former pro football player Johnnie Morton was juicing, and not just a little:

Morton’s test results showed a T/E ratio score of 83.9, which indicates an elevated level of Testosterone. According to CSAC Executive Director Armando Garcia, the standard for an athlete is 6.

I have no idea what Morton was thinking trying to get away with this. Did he not realize that he would be tested? He comes from the NFL, which is one of the strictest leagues in major sports when it comes to steroid testing (6 random players per team per week). So you figure he’d be used to either flushing or faking the test. I originally assumed his refusal to take the second piss test was on account of him not having his handy spare urine sample with him at the hospital. Now that his first test came back positive, I really wonder how stupid Morton has to be. But hey, at least he didn’t try to use zombie/animal piss.

Lots of people are complaining about the Michael Bisping / Matt Hamill fight they’ve just announced for UFC 75. While I do admit that it seems like a gimme for Bisping, I’m all right with it. You see, I hate Matt Hamill. No, not because he’s deaf … I hate blind people, not deaf people. It’s because he’s an arrogant wrestler who thinks his amateur wrestling will pave the way for UFC success.

But one thing The Ultimate Fighter showed me about Hamill is one good punch and he turns into the world’s largest vagina. Considering the firepower Bisping brings to the table, I look forward to seeing Hamill get beaten so badly he’ll leave the UFC with his tail tucked between his legs. Hey, if he does come back, I’ll be the first to admit the kid has heart. But I don’t think he does.

I was praying this wasn’t true when I heard about it on the web, but a little research proved it was so: Rich Franklin believes in creationism. Rich Franklin, who was a fucking teacher. Rich Franklin, who the UFC drags out every time they want to prove fighters are smart. MMA’s representative of Smarts believes in Creationism. I have never had a problem with religious fighters … it’s really none of my business. But Creationism is one of those extensions of religion that really pisses me off, not just because it’s wrong but because it’s so completely stupid. I could go on for hours, but I guess we’ll just wait until the next radio show to give Mr Franklin a piece of my properly functioning mind.

This hurts my head.

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