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I was just thinking … if I were Royce Gracie and some dumbfuck in California was telling everyone I juiced when I didn’t, the first thing I’d do would be to get tested by another trusted organization and release the results. I’d do this over and over till everyone knew the original claims were bullshit. Then I’d go back to Cali and kick that asshole’s face in.

But so far, no alternate testing has been done. No face kicking has occurred. Oh Royce, you make me so sad.

When he was young, he was doing combat jumps into Laos as a paratrooper. Now that’s he’s a bit older he’s taking it easy as a cage fighter. Fucking nuts. Here’s his fight finder, and here’s his official homepage.

God fucking damnit if Krazy Horse Bennett doesn’t always make things interesting. Check out the latest news about his in-jail / out-of-jail / on-the-card / off-the-card bullshit:

Charles Bennett is officially off the card. Originally scheduled to face Victor Valenzuela, the 27-year-old was jailed this week in Florida for violating the terms of his probation. EliteXC president Gary Shaw announced that although Bennett had been released from prison, he missed his flight to California and was dropped from the card. California State Athletic Commission chairman Armando Garcia told the media Bennett had been cleared to fight and confirmed he was off the card due to his inability to attend the official weigh-ins.

HE MISSED HIS FLIGHT? HE MISSED HIS GODDAMN FLIGHT? Man, that is balls. But props to EliteXC / Strikeforce for managing to get him sprung from the pen, proving once again that rich white men run the country and always get what they want (except if they want a crazy foo’ to catch a plane). Insert ‘You can lead a Horse to the airport but you can’t make him board’ joke here.

Everyone on the net is giving this fight to BJ Penn, which is silly because BJ has proved over and over that he’s a lazy dumb Hawaiian who’s just as likely to be focused on his next luau as his next fight. Jens Pulver on the other hand lives in the middle of fucking nowhere and fights to drive away the demoms from his past:

The oldest of four children, Pulver endured a childhood filled with unspeakable violence, as alcoholism ravaged his home. Many examples of abuse are addressed in his autobiography, “Little Evil, One Ultimate Fighter’s Rise to the Top.” One incident depicted in the book describes an event in which Pulver’s drunken father threatens to execute 10-year-old Pulver and his two brothers. He shoved the barrel of the shotgun into Pulver’s mouth first, since he was the oldest and first to come to his mother’s aid.

Many people are counting Pulver out because he got caught by Joe Lauzon in his last fight. I’m actually thinking that loss is going to motivate him even more. Jens might not be the most submission-oriented fighter in the world, but with only two loses coming by way of submission (a heel hook and toe hold, weird huh?) I think people are underestimating his defence.

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