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Back when I first started watching the UFC in 1994 (I was 13, you couldn’t pay me to wear anything other than green sweatpants, and I had a mullet), I thought it was pretty fucking horrific. And awesome. Like the majority of other middle-class suburban kids, I had never seen anyone get the shit kicked out of them for reals. So this stuff was pretty damned hardcore and I was thankful my dad didn’t know from the box that this wasn’t just more pro wrestling.

I was instantly hooked. God knows I couldn’t beat up that little bitch Tina down the street, but I could fantasize about it while watching these events. So over the years I put together a nice collection of tapes by copying rental videos over two VCRs.

I knew that mixed martial arts came from Brazil, but for the first while, the only Brazilian guy they showed was Royce Gracie and he was a wuss. Okay sure he won a lot, but I hated his fucking guts. He was the cocky little guy who’s family owned the company. He barely punched anyone and I simply wasn’t all that impressed with his style. Never mind the fucking cheater used his gi as a weapon. Fuck him.

It wasn’t until I saw the Battlecade videos that I got a taste of some serious violent Brazilian Vale Tudo. Mario Sperry, Conan Silveira, Ralph Gracie, and Allan Goes all taught me that Brazilians were not to be fucked with. All of a sudden I had visions of Brazil as a place overflowing with no holds barred tournaments just like in a Jean Claude Van Damme movie. And to a degree, I guess that’s how it was : people still talk about the infamously violent IVC events held in the dirtiest, sleaziest bar on earth.

Fast forward to now. People are fucking flipping out over “Rio Heros”, which attempts to step away from the MMA label and return to the original concept of Vale Tudo: Anything goes fighting. The show is just a bunch of guys going at it over the course of the night, with the only rules being no biting, groin shots, or eye gouging (too bad if Chuck Liddell wanted to compete here).

For me, this isn’t my cup of tea anymore. Call me over the hill, but I’m just not into the brutal aspect of fighting any more. On the other hand, I really couldn’t care at this point what other people are doing in some dank basement down in Sao Paulo. Whatever happens there isn’t going to stop MMA from growing. You can’t kill MMA with this kind of thing any more. We’re past that.

And regardless, this kind of thing was going on in Brazil for years and years. I’m really hoping that the majority of the people against this are only talking the talk for the sake of appearances. To hear Wanderlei Silva say he ‘watched it and cried’ is absurd considering his roots.

Yes, I know: we must distance ourselves from this kind of stuff, just like we want to distance MMA from cockfighting, dog fighting, trans fatty acids, fight clubs, and everything else bad. But let’s be honest here: this is what MMA used to be. And MMA will always be a form of fighting, no matter how hard people try to market it as something else.

Well look at this: EliteXC is planning on televising a women’s MMA match that doesn’t feature Gina Carano. On October 26th, Shayna Baszler will take on ‘Fight Girl’ washout Jennifer Tate on the next ShoXC card. Of course the match is basically just a setup to determine Gina’s next opponent, and of course the fight is stacked Shayna’s way. Jennifer Tate isn’t close to being considered top talent in female MMA. Hell, she’s not even the best girl named Jennifer in women’s MMA. But she’s got some ubiquitous fame from that show that was on that women’s TV channel, and she’s not too rough on the eyes. That’s all it takes for Gary Shaw, so away we go.

I know I’m rough on EliteXC, especially considering they’re the only organization that’s putting any weight behind their women’s division. But until they start featuring some comely chicks with crew cuts, broken noses, and most importantly 10+ fights under their belts, I’m gonna keep harassing them. They’ve taken a big step in the right direction, but there’s always room for improvement.

PS: About EliteXC being the only org featuring women … yeah, there’s Bodog too. But we don’t talk about Bodog. I tried to watch Bodog once and spirits shot out of the screen and melted everyone’s head like at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Now we don’t speak of Bodog. Hush now. Hush.

I’d love to take the high road like Sam Caplan does and say I don’t find this funny, but it is kinda funny. While on the surface it seems like Quinton Jackson is making fun of retards, I read it like Quinton Jackson is making fun of Jeff Sherwood. Yes, the other guy in this video is Jeff ‘Sherdog’ Sherwood in all his glory. And god damnit people, why can’t we all just relax and enjoy a tasteless joke at the expense of the gays and defectives from time to time?

(oh and if you’re looking for that video of Quinton farting on a chick’s face and mocking the Japanese, it’s here)

Damn, did Joe Riggs ever look good on Saturday’s Strikeforce card. His opponent didn’t have the greatest record, but was an experienced guy with fights against Jeremy Horn, Wanderlei Silva, and Mark Weir. I was expecting this fight to be a bit less one sided.

Of course, you could make the case that even the guys that wash out of the UFC are just way better than most guys in other organizations. Which is why it makes sense for Strikeforce to lock these guys up as soon as they get ditched. Of course, it’s a problem that these guys look at Strikeforce as a way back into the UFC rather than a home. And given that, it’s an even bigger problem when these guys want to fight your promotion’s main stars:

With the victory, Riggs (27-9) could be in line to test Cung Le (Pictures) later this year.

Oh boy, would that not be good for Strikeforce. Okay, it’s be great for PPV sales … Joe Riggs vs Cung Le is a fight I’d pay the 30 bucks to see. But it wouldn’t be good for Strikeforce because it hurts one of their key stars: Cung Le is just not ready for someone like Riggs.

Le took three rounds to defeat Tony Fryklund, who put up about as much defense as a punching bag, didn’t shoot for a takedown once, and basically let Le win. Riggs on the other hand isn’t interested in being a stepping stone for anyone. The only way Cung Le takes that fight is if Riggs gets caught (always a possibility) or if Strikeforce starts sneaking pain meds into Joe’s protein shake mix.

Do you remember that scene in Fight Club where Edward Norton completely smashes in Jared Leto’s face, and afterwards says “ ” target=”_blank”>I wanted to destroy something beautiful.” Well now, Clay Guida has the opportunity to destroy something beautiful. In a move that will completely validate the existence of the Ultimate Fighter season six, the UFC has booked Clay Guida vs Roger Huerta to headline the finale.

You’ve read it right: Guida vs Huerta. How many times have people asked for this one? How many times have they said “Huerta’s okay, but just wait till they put him against someone like Clay Guida”? And every time someone would say something like that, I would think “Yeah right, like the UFC is gonna put their Hispanic poster boy up against a hippy meat grinder like Clay Guida.”

Now they have, and I can’t help but be excited. As much as I try to hate Huerta for being a pretty boy, I can’t help but respect him as a fighter. That won’t stop me from enjoying Guida crush him. Huerta has shown he has the skills to hang in the UFC, but not against a guy like Guida who is destined to be the Karo Parisyan of the lightweight division: always a threat to everyone, but never managing to get a shot at the belt.

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