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  • 38 yen
  • 8 rubles
  • 4 pesos
  • 1 IFL stock

*UPDATE* We originally had the topic as “Things to do with .38 cents” … of course, that technically means .0038 dollars. And while IFL stock will probably get there soon enough, it’s not there yet. Beware this kind of mistake when signing up for cell phone packages.

For all the talk that Randy Couture is planning on jumping ship to M-1, everyone at the new org better pray there was no sign that someone from their company talked to Couture or offer him anything. Why? Because that’s one big fucking lawsuit, and the UFC doesn’t exactly need a good reason to try and execute competition using the legal system.

I tend to get shit all over every time I bring up legal situations, so let me preface this by saying that I’m not a lawyer. The information in this post doesn’t represent concrete legal information, and obviously it would take real lawyers several months in court to decide if what I’m saying is correct or not. If things were cut and dry then we wouldn’t really need a legal system in the first place.

That being said, if Randy Couture left the UFC because he was offered more money to fight in M-1, that seems to be a pretty straightforward case of tortious interference:

Tortious interference with contract rights can occur where the tortfeasor convinces a party to breach the contract against the plaintiff, or where the tortfeasor disrupts the ability of one party to perform his obligations under the contract, thereby preventing the plaintiff from receiving the performance promised.

I’d be literally shocked if the UFC didn’t have it’s lawyers all over this situation, watching and waiting to see how deep the parties involved bury themselves before papers are served. You might even see Randy Couture return to the UFC in a few weeks on account of the potential bitchslap that could be unleashed because of this. Of course, everything would be dressed up to look like a contract renegotiation to satisfy everyone’s pride, but it could still happen.

All of this is on the assumption that Randy Couture didn’t leave the UFC to chase after Fedor in M-1. It’s still very possible that he did leave on his own without any kind of contact, but the timing is about as fishy as it gets. I guess we’ll have to sit back and watch the fireworks. If they don’t happen in the octagon, you better believe they’re gonna happen in a courtroom.

This is my favorite story of the day for it’s sheer stupidity. Right now, people are going around basically saying that the reason Fedor is not with the UFC is because Dana White recited a Boney M lyric and called Fedor’s management ‘those crazy russians’.

Let’s put this one to sleep right now: This has to be the dumbest idea in the history of the universe. If you take even half a minute to actually think it through you’ll realize how fucking stupid it is. Here’s the simple, boring fact of the matter: The UFC wasn’t willing to let Fedor do everything he wanted to do. The new M-1 was willing to give Fedor everything he wanted. End of story.

As pissed as I am that Fedor didn’t come to the UFC and the subsequent departure of Randy Couture as a result, I’m not gonna put the blame on Dana White (fuck, this is starting to become a trend). The UFC has a few iron-clad conditions when it comes to fighter agreements, and if Fedor isn’t willing to agree to those then he can go fuck himself with whatever vegetable is most common in his god-forsaken country.

The day the UFC starts agreeing to retarded fighter demands in order to sign them is the day they take another step towards being boxing. Conditions like “Fighter X can only fight in the UFC” aren’t there because the UFC are petty bastards … it’s a cornerstone of the organization that has allowed them to create the stability and consistency needed to keep the sport growing. And how fucked up is it that Fedor’s agents wanted to add in clauses that would have the UFC working with the old M-1 to do an event in Russia?

It doesn’t surprise me that the deal between the UFC and Fedor fell apart … his agents really are crazy Russians. I’m sure they’re feeling pretty smart right now with the M-1 sale and this new organization. But it will be interesting to see how smug they are in a year from now when M-1 collapses from it’s own ambitions and ineptitude.

Hello class, and welcome to another edition of Cut Throat Business Tactics. Last time you’ll remember we covered how to force your fighters into re-signing with your organization, or failing that drag them down into obscurity by benching them for over half a year. This is a great tactic for lowballing fighters who still want to stay in your organization, but what about when a fighter wants nothing more to do with you than expose your evil business dealings?

That’s a good question, and fortunately Zuffa has once again provided us with a textbook example of what to do in that situation. In this case you’ve got beloved sports figure Randy Couture planning a press conference to tell people how bad the UFC sucks. Here’s what the UFC did to handle the situation:

1) Blamed the whole situation on Randy’s ‘Hollywood agent”. This is a brilliant case of deflection because, as we said, Randy is practically a saint in MMA. Shit-talking Randy Couture is akin to shit-talking Jesus himself. But everyone hates agents … ‘Hollywood’ agents doubly as much. By blaming this whole situation on a sleazy agent, Dana White is free to say whatever he wants without seeming like a gargantuan cock, and still pretend he’s BFF with Couture.

2) Invite Randy back to the negotiating table, and say things like you’ve “never said no to Randy Couture”. This sidesteps the issues of respect and dishonesty. In fact, it makes people forget that the only reason Randy would have to come back to the table is because his original contract might well have been written on a 2 foot dildo they subsequently raped him with.

3) Randy Couture planning a press conference to counter your PR spins? Who cares. You’re way better at press conferences, so why not throw an even bigger one 30 minutes before Randy’s? At best most press outfits will have to choose one of the two and will choose yours instead of his. At worst you can release enough positive news to bury whatever Randy has to say out from the headlines.

Thank fucking god. I just got an email in my inbox with the following news:

Please be aware that all bouts in the Strikeforce 185 pound tournament featuring Trevor Prangley, Falaniko Vitale, Yuki Sasaki, and Jorge Santiago will consist of two, FIVE-MINUTE rounds.

I was just in the middle of writing about how balls it was that the tournament was stuck with two 2 minute rounds. Yes … 4 minute fights! I had pretty much written this whole thing off, but I’m a much happier Fightlinker now. Now all I have to do is hit Trevor Prangley in the knee with a metal baton and Sean Salmon will be in the tournament!

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