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Fight of the Night

UFC Says: Kalib Starnes vs Chris Leben

Fightlinker Says: Who the fuck at the UFC is on meth? That fight was the dog of the night, with Leben looking literally drugged and Kalib Starnes looking incompetent and clueless on the ground. Karo Parisyan vs Josh Burkman was clearly the fight of the night, a solid 15 minute battle.

Knockout of the Night

UFC Says: Quinton Jackson

Fightlinker says: Say what you will about the importance of Rampage’s win, but a good knockout is one that satisfies everyone. And if you’ve been reading the yokel blogs from mainstream morons you’ll know the Jackson knockout just didn’t do it for them. However, only hippies and communists didn’t love Houston Alexander’s brutal KO of Keith Jardine. It is possibly the most awesome KO I’ve ever seen in my life.

Submission of the Night

UFC Says: Din Thomas

Fightlinker Says: Oooh, Din landed an armbar against some virgin. Really impressive. No one gave me submission of the night when I triangled one of those mouthy grade 6 kids hanging around behind the Burger King. So why give this to Din? My pick: Wilson Gouveia’s choke out of Carmelo Marrero. Marerro was spazzing out so hard it looked like he was riding a bike.

Stupid boring news sites give you a boring list of money paid out to fighters. takes these numbers and gives you interesting facts about them:

  • 4 fighters in the prelims made more money than most of the fighters on the undercard
  • Highest paid prelim fighter was Din Thomas at 28K
  • Din Thomas was also the 4th highest paid fighter on the entire card
  • Din Thomas was paid 4 times as much money as Josh Burkman
  • Din Thomas’ opponent Jeremy Stephens was tied with Sean Salmon as the lowest paid fighter on the card at 3k
  • Din Thomas is fucking overpaid. Fuck you Din Thomas!
  • Keith Jardine was paid 175$ per second for his 40 second beating from Houston Alexander
  • Ivan Salaverry was paid 145$ per second for his 2 minute screwjob at the hands of the ref
  • Houston Alexander was paid 1000$ more for his first UFC fight than Keith Jardine was paid for his 6th fight
  • Thiago Silva was the highest paid new fighter, getting 16k for his first UFC bout
  • Jeremy Stephens was the lowest paid new fighter, getting 3k for his first UFC bout
  • Karo Parisyan was paid 32k, which is 2k more than Jason Miller made at the last WEC

The big question everyone has forgotten to ask after UFC71 is “What’s next for Karo Parysian?” As we mentioned in our UFC71 podcast, things couldn’t have gone much better for Karo. He dominated the entire fight, was never in danger, and basically smacked Burkman around like a bitch for 15 minutes. It’s unfortunate that he didn’t manage to finish off the fight, but overall it was a thorough dismantling and entertaining to boot. So … what is next for Karo?

Well, you can rule out a title shot any time soon. With Matt Sera tied up with The Ultimate Fighter 6 until fall, there’s not going to be any title shots for a while. I think the math was something like 4 months until Serra and Hughes fight, and then another 3 months before whoever wins that fight is gonna fight again. That means at least one more fight before Parisyan gets his shot. Lets take a looksie into the potential competition:

Diego Sanchez : Not only one of the best matches of 2006, but a razor thin decision to boot. The only reason this fight isn’t guaranteed to be Karo’s next bout is because the UFC may not be willing to put Diego in a position to lose a second fight in a row.

Georges St Pierre : Another good rematch, if GSP wasn’t already set to tangle with Josh Koscheck in August. But I wouldn’t be surprised if GSP and Karo Parisyan end up fighting for #1 contender status around November or December.

Jon Fitch : The choice of the Underground, but I don’t think you’ll be seeing Fitch fighting Karo soon. Karo Parisyan has been relegated to gatekeeper for two fights now: against Drew ‘the Drunk’ Fickett and Josh ‘Bitchback’ Burkman. He’s firmly back in the welterweight belt chase, so there’s no way he’s going to have to fight a ‘lesser’ opponent. He’s given the UFC the goods, and his next fight will be against someone ahead of him in the rankings. Which is bad news for Diego and GSP.

Does it get any better than this? If I was Matt Serra (and I thank God I’m not every day), I’d put this on my team’s jerseys for the next season of The Ultimate Fighter. We’d be called Team Mullet. Or Team Suspenders. Or Team Pendant. Or Team Floral Pattern. Any of those would be good.

I have to thank Luke at Bloody Elbow for this awesome discovery. You da man!

UPDATE: I’ve just been informed by a reader that Matt isn’t wearing a pendant but something called a ‘Bolo tie’. Now I have no idea what this thing has to do with Bolo, but if he endorses it then it must be all right!

Okay well here’s my follow up article on changes the UFC should make to liven up The Ultimate Fighter. As I mentioned in the first article, the Ultimate Fighter’s biggest issue is that it’s format has gone past stale and is now growing moss. Back during the initial season, just the novelty of having reality show contestants kick the shit out of eachother was enough to have people tune in. But now it just isn’t cutting it, and things need a revamp.

So here’s the shocker: The Ultimate Fighter could learn a lot from America’s Next Top Model. America’s Next Top Model? Hey, what can I say, I’m a man of diverse tastes and interests. One of them is watching crazy hot bitches, you homos. But let me tell you something else: they’re doing a better job of mixing it up on that show than the Ultimate Fighter. In just one episode I saw more originality than I’ve seen in 3 seasons of the Ultimate Fighter. If you took ANTM (yeah, everyone uses the acronym, duh!) as a template and copied what they did for their 2 hour season debut, here’s how it would translate to The Ultimate Fighter:

-They should show the preliminary tryouts
If you’ve been unfortunate enough to see American Idol, you know the the tryouts are pretty much the only bearable part of the show. Footage from all the sparring / rolling / interviews of fighters trying out could easily fill up a half hour and be extremely entertaining and educational. I would love to see Joe Silva and some other auxiliary UFC brass etc sit down and interview prospective fighers. Not only would this kind of thing give some great comic relief (because most TUF applicants are probably total retards), but would provide insight into a fighter’s personal life and where they’re coming from.

-They should bring 30 guys in and cut 14 of them
The initial workouts where coaches test out the fighters is cool, but imagine how much cooler it would be if half the fighters there were gonna get cut? You’d see fighters pushing themselves twice as hard, emotions flaring, people stressing. In short: good reality television. Again, The Ultimate Fighter is passing up tons of excellent drama by not having an axe over the heads of everyone who’s made the initial cut. Line up the fighters at the end of the training and have the coaches call their fighters one by one. The guys who don’t get called go home. What better way to have the biggest collective TUF cry in the history of the series?

-They should reward the guys who made the cut
Yeah, I touched on this in my last article, but I’m following a flow here. You’ve shown the tryouts, then you’ve shown the team selection and cutting of half the guys. Now take the winners to Vegas for backstage access and front row seats at a UFC event. After the show, follow them around an industry insider afterparty. Goddamn that would be wicked TV.

I don’t know about you, but I think that makes for one hell of a season premiere. You might even convince people that TUF6 isn’t going to be a steaming pile of garbage!

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