So whatchoo waiting for? Go listen to it!
Everyone else is doing it, so I guess I should put my two cents in. Damn peer pressure. First pot, then heroin, and now a UFC71 summary. I’ve officially hit rock bottom.
Most Boring Fight: Terry Martin vs Ivan Salaverry
Ivan Salaverry is a dull fighter. It’s not his fault, it’s just his style. Regardless, I see this matchup as Dana White’s final olive branch to the salty veteran: beat Terry Martin, do it in an exciting fashion. But considering Ivan’s attitude going into the fight, I think at best he’s going to come out and play it safe. At worst he’s going to try and make this the most boring 15 minutes of our lives. Terry Martin simply hasn’t exhibited the skills needed to put away someone like Salaverry.
Most Exciting Fight: Karo Parisyan vs Josh Burkman
If you consider a bloodbath exciting, then Karo Parisyan vs Josh Burkman is your fight. Karo is at his best when he’s pissed off, and from the last few weeks of interviews it seems like the chip on his shoulder has turned into a boulder. Burkman is known for blowing his load early, so expect a good push by him at the beginning followed by a sound thrashing by Parisyan.
Biggest Upset: Houston Alexander
Keith Jardine is getting all sorts of hype because he beat Forrest Griffin, but I think he’s overhyped (seems like nowadays just saying Greg Jackson’s name gives people a boner). After watching his previous fights, I don’t think he’s got what it takes to be considered a top guy in the LHW division. Expect this to go to a decision, with Houston Alexander edging out a win.
Best Submission: Kalib Starnes
Chris Leben’s going to go in swinging, and Kalib Starnes is gonna catch him.
Best Knockout: Quinton Jackson or Chuck Liddell
I don’t know who’s gonna win, but I know it’s going to be impressive. Chuck will take him out early or Quinton will push this to the later rounds and tag a gassed Liddell. Either way, someone’s gonna get KTFO.
Who’s on the edge:
Carmelo Marrero: Win or lose, this guy always looks terrible. Unless he pulls out some fireworks in this fight, don’t expect to see him back in the UFC
Chris Leben: Combine a loss against Starnes with his idiotic talk about wanting to fight in Icon and you’ve got a guy who’s not gonna be around much longer. Don’t expect him to make it off the prelims of a Fight Night if he loses.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard about the teleconference with Dana White, chock full of newsy goodness (seriously, check the link … it’s the longest and most complete breakdown of the call out there). Well, I’ll let you read it yourselves, but I just wanted to comment on the best burn ever:
“He’s such a pussy, he’s a pussy. He cries about everything. Shut up, Tito. Show up and fight and do what you’re supposed to do. This kid would step over a dollar to pick up a dime. It’s unbelievable.”
While I don’t know how good of an idea it is constantly mocking and dissing one of your main guys, I do find it entertaining. I look forward to Bad Blood 2 where Tito and Dana face off and tell Yo’ Mama jokes. First person to cry loses. BRING IT ON!
After his frustrating loss to fluffy blanket Carmelo Marrero, everyone prayed that Cheik Kongo would go get some wrestling skills. Unfortunately he wasn’t much better for his next fight with Assuerio Silva. While he eeked out a decision, Silva rode him like a pony on the ground. Joe Rogan spent the entire fight repeating “If Kongo had ground skills, he’d be unstoppable. If Kongo had ground skills, he’d be unstoppable.” Thank God, it seems like Kongo is out learning some ground skills. From one of the millions of interviews with Quinton Jackson comes this tidbit:
Who was up in camp?
A lot of people. Jeremy Williams the pro boxer, Cheick Kongo, James Ervin, Scott Smith, Lunchbox, Hercules, Dave Roberts also known as the chin, Zach Light, Coach Juanito, Junior helping with Jiu Jitsu, and Coach Chris Reiley. Jeremy Williams and Cheick took turns kicking my ass, I think they had side wagers on who could damage me the most. Jeremy gave me some ohwee knots, for everybody that don’t what they are it’s when people say ohwee who put those knots on your head. And Congo tried to knee my stomach out my ass!!
When it comes to learning wrestling, there’s no better place than the ambiguously named Big Bear camp. Before this, I do believe Kongo was training exclusively in France with a bunch of pussy ass kickboxers. France is full of the best MMA fighters in the world, it makes sense. Oh wait, no it’s not. No one in France knows anything about fighting on the ground. I heard that one time the Gracies went over to France and used their jiu-jitsu to overthrow the government. That was called the French Revolution or some shit. True story.
Apparently everyone in the gambling world is banking on Josh Burkman to beat Karo Parysian. This just goes to show you that the human race as a whole is retarded. You have to be pretty fucking dumb to think Josh “Mr Potato Head” Burkman has any chance against a pissed and greasy Parisyan. Let’s make one thing clear: Karo is going to judo throw Burkman so hard he’s going to fall into another dimension. Then he’s going to bring THE HEAT and finish baldy off. End of story. No more debate. If you’ve got money on Burkman, post in the comments because i have a bridge in Brooklyn that’s for sale. It’s called the Stupid Fucking Moron Bridge. And I’ll sell it to you for the low low price of “You’re dumb”