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When is Hollywood going to learn: MMA and Movies just don’t go together. UFCJunkie breaks the news that Randy Couture is going to sully his reputation with a lead role in what looks like a total stinker of a flick:

The film will be a prequel to the 2002 film “The Scorpion King” starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, which in turn was a prequel to the films “The Mummy” (1999) and “The Mummy Returns” (2001).

“It’s my first lead in a feature film,” Couture told “I’m playing the Rock’s nemesis, but it’s a teenage Rock in this movie. It’s a prequel to the others, and I’m the bad warrior king. I leave Oct. 3 for South Africa to begin shooting.”

I don’t know how many of our readers were unfortunate enough to see The Scorpion King … for those who missed it let me just say it was like being stung in the eyes by bees for 93 minutes. Now they’re making a sequel? And this sequel does not have the Rock in it? I’m pretty sure there was a commandment about that … it was like right between thou shalt not kill and thou shalt not covet donkeys or something: thou shalt not make a sequel to a Rock film without the Rock. So sayeth the lord.

The worst thing about this is that now I’ll have to watch this steaming pile of dogshit. At least it’ll most likely be direct to video so when my bowels release from the sheer agony of watching it, no one else will be around.

UPDATE: Apparently this is based on the video game of the same name. What’s next … is Uwe Boll directing it too?

I don’t really get the whole ‘Reggie Warren’ thing … okay, I do ‘get’ it, but I just don’t find it very funny. However, I do enjoy this very nice approximation of an Affliction shirt … Reggie is so popular he’s got his own special edition!

Hat Rip: Matt @ The Underground Forums

We mentioned this in the radio show, and it’s been circling around the internet for a few days now. I’ve been on the fence a bit on if I should write something about it because usually when I write stuff it ends up being rude. And apparently being rude to people with no arms or legs is up there next to watching child porn and beating women as a very severe form of douchbaggery. So lets see if I can broach this subject without coming across as too insensitive.

Kyle Maynard technically *does* have arms and legs … they’re just stubbies that don’t go past the joints. I dunno how he expects to win an MMA fight, but after watching some youtube videos of him grappling I can say he seems pretty good at avoiding submissions. Of course, by missing most of his limbs you’re throwing out about 70% of submissions in the book. It’ll also be hard staying in the mount position on him too … no legs means no passing … he can go from being fully mounted to full guard at the flip of a stump.

But Kyle’s greatest advantage is the fact that WRESTLING A GUY WITH NO ARMS OR LEGS FREAKS PEOPLE OUT. I’ve been grossed out having to grapple with guys who sweat a little too much. I can’t imagine what it’s like showing up at a competition and getting paired up with this guy. Not only would it completely throw you off your game, it would be creepy as hell. Sure, we’d like to be civilized humans who aren’t uncomfortable about disabilities, but for the most part we can’t just help it. I’d probably break down and cry from the heeby-jeebies halfway through the match.

Anyways, the truth of the matter in this whole situation is Kyle isn’t going to be doing “˜real’ MMA … the fight will be in Georgia where amateur rules state striking an opponent on the ground isn’t allowed. I’m not 100% sure if that just covers strikes to the face, or all closed fist strikes. But regardless, that works out pretty well in Kyle Maynard’s advantage considering he’s technically never standing. Without strikes the bout is basically a glorified grappling match, and I doubt the promoters will be booking anyone who wants to make their name off of “beating the shit out of that guy with no limbs”.

After a long hard day of laying cement out on the farm, there’s nothing better than going out back and shooting off your retarded .50 calibre rifle with some friends. This edition of ‘Lets blow shit up’ is brought to you by the Hughes brothers, Robbie Lawler, and Matt Pena. Continue reading for full pics.

Holy motherfucking shit … how in the name of God is that thing legal to own? How about we make a new rule: Any gun that’s bigger than a picnic table shouldn’t be legal to own by a bunch of rednecks out in Illinois. I’m actually kinda afraid of mocking Hughes now just in case he decides to shoot that thing at my house and reduce it to rubble.

Goddamnit I am pissed off. I’ve had to spend my time today dusting up on Nandrolone instead of riding ponies down at the ranch. This is the LAST TIME I’m gonna bring this up, and I’m just bringing it up to show what a total assface Dana White is with his ‘experts’ and his whack understanding of Nandrolone. Read this:

Olympic laboratories, tasked with ensuring that their tests are fair as well as effective, have researched natural nandrolone production regularly over the past quarter-century, the most recent study being conducted at the 1998 Winter Olympics in Nagano, Japan.

There, of 621 competitors tested after competition, only five produced results where their nandrolone levels exceeded 0.1 nanograms per millilitre of urine (ng/ml).All five were women. The levels in women are marginally higher, as a result of a different hormonal make-up and use of the contraceptive pill. But the levels are still minimal. Nobody in the Nagano tests exceeded 0.4ng/ml.

This just served to confirm the IOC’s cut-off levels – a doping-control speed limit, where anything above 2ng/ml in men or 5ng/ml in women is regarded as an offence. Basic arithmetic suggests that the IOC scientists have set themselves a generous margin for error – 2ng/ml being 20 times what might be regarded as a “normal” level of nandrolone in men.

So there you go. No Dana, the average person doesn’t walk around with 6ng. He doesn’t even walk around with 2ng. The average person walks around with less than half a nanogram of Nandrolone (try saying that five times fast). And the limit was based on tests against Olympic athletes, people just as dedicated if not more to their exercise routine than Sean Sherk.

And here’s the best bit on REAL scientists being pissed off with lawyers paying for tests that back up their client’s bogus claims of innocence:

The British decision to absolve Richardson of any blame on the basis of the tests in Aberdeen infuriated Dr Christiane Ayotte, the head of the IOC lab in Montreal and the most senior drug tester on the Olympic list. “This research was not even carried out on a proper scientific basis. We test thousands of athletes every year. All of them train hard, and many of them use supplements. So why don’t they all test positive? It makes no sense.

“We have been testing for nandrolone for 25 years – do they think we don’t know what it is when we find it?”

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