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Watch out, internets: the legal firm that deals with the UFC’s intellectual property lawsuits just doubled in size.

The recent merger of Lewis and Roca and Beckley Singleton could result in at least one big winner among their clients: The Ultimate Fighting Championship. The combined firms make for a legal powerhouse of intellectual property protection when the mixed martial arts franchise needs it most.

Lawyers for UFC-parent Zuffa LLC have been busy fighting off the slew of Internet sites airing pirated UFC fight footage. Now the Las Vegas office of Lewis and Roca will have 12 intellectual property lawyers at its disposal.

Kid Nate throws in a note at the bottom of his post that I of all people should be worried about this. Which to me is hilarious. Even if I was doing anything illegal (regarding posting videos etc), it’s not like the retards the UFC hires could do anything about it. Whether they have 7 lawyers or 70 or 700, they’re complete morons who have their heads so far up their asses it pops back out of their necks and they look normal but in reality their heads are up their ass and stuff. Yeah.

Case in point: there’s a website, I hear. A magical place where people are able to get full DVD quality videos of EVERY SINGLE FUCKING MMA EVENT IN THE UNIVERSE. This place is a testament to the fact that a couple of fans who don’t make a cent can put together a better system of distribution than anything a ‘real’ company ever could. The site is like a Golf compared to the Diablo that is this site.

This site is also a testament to the fact that the guys protecting the UFC’s intellectual property don’t know shit and can’t stop crap. They’re so behind the times that they probably think rejecting content on Youtube is cutting edge. They’re also probably stupid enough to think they can win this fight against illegal content. In reality, fighting this shit will forever be a very expensive game of whack-a-mole. The most they can hope to do is make it more annoying to steal UFC content.

So here’s the sitch, UFC. You’ve got this big law firm that’s just doubled in size and you still haven’t even managed to scratch the surface of the thousands of terabytes worth of illegal content that’s on the internet. Sad fact is the people you’ve hired don’t even know where to look. I do. So do a large number of 17 year old kids who’s parents have locked out all the PPV channels on their TV and think MMA is a sin. We’d help you and all, but yeah … no.

So congrats on your firm doubling in size. You’ll need as many people as you can get to even start to put an iota of fear into the hearts of anyone pirating your content.

I really shouldn’t be making fun of Frank Trigg for his inability to defend a choke. I’m built like a fucking giraffe and couldn’t stop my 3 year old from taking me out, let alone some of the best MMA fighters in the world. But I’m just some douche writing for a blog and he’s a pro MMA fighter. Not being able to defend a choke in his situation would be like me trying to run this site with no damned fingers. And trust me people, it’s hard enough missing one thumb. Don’t ask.

Anyways, it looks like Frank Trigg might be returning to the Zuffa fold. At the moment talks are underway which may see Trigg returning to fight Paulo Filho in December, possibly replacing Jason Miller who seems to be cheating on Zuffa with ProElite every chance he gets. This behavior apparently trumps Trigg’s bad behavior which involved shilling for PRIDE and badmouthing the UFC for the past few years.

My bet is this will be the beginning of many new signings by the UFC going on over the next few weeks to prevent all this new competition from scooping up a lot of talent. And it’s about fucking time too. If the UFC wants to pretend it’s the only major league in town, they really need to step it up and only ditch name fighters like Trigg when they’re worthless husks who can’t even put over a TUF fighter anymore.

I’ll give Mark Cuban a pass on throwing underwhelming events because it’s smart business to start small and work your way up. However, I’m not gonna give him a pass when newspapers print ideas like this that sound like they were developed during a mushroom bender:

Cuban plans to distinguish HDNet Fights with innovations that include live broadcasts in theaters and the use of 3-D. Another addition under consideration is staging a celebrity version.

Okay, the live broadcasts in theaters isn’t too outlandish of an idea. The WWE already does this in Canada and I’ve actually tried to get the rights to do that with UFC PPVs in Montreal. But 3D and celebrity MMA?

The only celebrities you’re going to get to fight in MMA are D-listers who can’t even land a spot in VH1 shows. Dear god, this is a perfect example of history trying to repeat itself. Cuban seems to think he can transfer some of the Dancing with the Stars magic to MMA. Can no one make Cuban watch FOX’s Celebrity Boxing so he can realize how sleazy this concept would actually turn out?

3D … how about concentrating on 2D MMA for now, Cuban? If you’re trying to revolutionize MMA, how about doing it by beating the UFC in conventional means, not with the use of a hokey concept that peaked back in the early 80’s. It’s never gonna get better than Jaws 3D, man. So just drop it.

As expected, Cuban ex-pat and judoka extrordinaire Hector Lombard has been taken off the UFC78 card because he was born in the wrong country. Whether it’s killing terrorists or fucking over communists, America totally rules. It’s hard to sleep at night here in Canada knowing that dirty Cubans are allowed into this country. So anyways, to deal with this latest ass-fucking by God, the UFC is shuffling around the UFC78 card a little bit, putting Ryo Chonan against Karo Parisyan instead of against Thiago Alves.

This really sucks for Karo, in my opinion. Parisyan vs Lombard worked because it was gonna be entertaining to watch two Judo masters shoot eachother across the octagon like slingshots. Lombard didn’t stand much of a chance overall, so I didn’t have to worry about Parisyan losing and pushing a potential title shot back to 2010 or beyond.

Now though, the UFC has put him up against a very dangerous but generally unknown fighter in Ryo Chonan. Yeah, Jordan Breen might be able to walk you play by play through all his DEEP bouts, but any UFC ‘fan’ dumb enough to buy the 78 PPV (“Ohh TUF winners fighting, how compelling”) aren’t gonna know who this dude is.

For the education of the dumb people who come to this site (ted, please pay extra attention), here’s some things you should know about Ryo Chonan:

  • Defeated Anderson Silva in 2004 using a Flying Scissor Heel Hook. If you think that sounds awesome, it is. I’d link to a youtube video of it, but those fuckers at Zuffa took it down.
  • Actually finishes fights. Well, sorta. Since 2004 he’s had 13 fights, with 6 of them going to decisions. That’s better than a lot of other snoozers the UFC imports from Japan.
  • In addition to beating Silva, Ryo has wins over Mach Sakurai, Joey Villasenor, Carlos Newton, Antonio Schembri, and Mr Choke Roan Carneiro. Villasenor stomped Ryo’s face in and smashed his orbital bone but still couldn’t finish him.

Translation: Ryo is one tough motherfucker.

So what’s so terrible about this switch up? Well, I don’t think Karo Parisyan should be challenged like this right now. I’ve already said that Karo should get first crack at the winner of Hughes/Serra. All man-love to GSP aside, that frenchy’s already gotten two title shots and Karo’s still waiting for his first. Being a ‘warrior’ and ‘accepting all challenges’ is all fine and dandy, but Karo needs an agent that keeps him from accepting dumb last second fights like this that don’t accomplish anything for his career.

If some news came out that Karo would get a title shot for beating Ryo, then I’d be all for it. But as it stands, that’s not gonna happen. So this fight is nothing but a very dangerous opportunity for Karo to once again get sent to the back of the line again.

While Chonan vs Parisyan is much more competitive than Parisyan vs Lombard, Joe Six Pack ain’t gonna give a shit if Karo beats Chonan. The flipside of that coin of course is that losing would be a pretty big blow to his popularity. That’s always the problem with bringing these foreigners in and dropping them in the deep end … you can seriously fuck up your existing star power because fans don’t realize what a tough SOB Chonan really is.

That tall skinny dude from TUF5 is making some awesome career decisions. First he turned down a chance to be a part of Matt Hughes’ gay-sounding H.I.T. Squad, and now he’s popped up in a tiny show out in Iowa that was promoted by Amsterdam Strip Clubs this weekend. Corey won the fight against some random guy in the first round via ground n pound.

Now at first I was wondering: WTF is up with Corey not being in the UFC? But then I got to thinkin’ … Hill ‘snuck’ onto the show with only one real MMA fight to his name. Going into the UFC with this kinda experience and getting dismantled is not the best way to start a career. So in that way, all the power to Corey for sharpening his skills and earning a spot in the big show.

But why the fuck is he fighting in shady strip club shows? I’d be amazed if he got paid more than 500 bucks for the fight. Someone get this guy Ken Pavia’s number. Ken will line him up with a dozen fights against suitable fodder and have him making more cheddar than most of the TUF guys are making in the UFC.

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