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It is my sad duty to announce the demise of a dear friend. Evan Tanner’s beard was found shaved on May 22nd, 2007. All that was left was the stubble of a 5 o’clock shadow. Police are ignoring my calls for justice. I turn to the internet to voice my anguish.

On with the Evan Tanner crazy train: apparently Tanner has a sidekick named Garth (seriously), and they’ve made their way to Las Vegas:

We’ve both gotten very little sleep since we arrived. The house has two bedrooms and both are occupied. I’ve been sleeping on part of the couch and Garth has been sleeping in the backyard.

Not covered in the blog is the newest news from Chute Boxe USA where they report Tanner as back in the fold:

– Evan Tanner is back in Los Angeles with Coach Roberto Piccinini. He is determined to take back the UFC title from Anderson Silva and will be fighting under the Chute Boxe USA banner.

The big question here at Fightlinker.com is who the fuck drank my grape soda. The other big question is if Zuffa would pad the UFC 72 card now that it’s on PPV instead of Spike TV. Looks like the answer is in: Chute Boxe USA announced today that Mauricio “Shogun” Rua has signed with the UFC and will probably fight on the Ireland card. The new big question is why the fuck would someone take my grape soda? It’s not like they don’t know it’s mine ’cause I wrote my fucking name on the fucking bottle. As well, will they just feed Shogun an inexperienced fighter or will they put him up against someone serious?

The interwebs are abuzz with speculation on who will face Shogun. My bet is it will be either Jason Lambert or Renato ‘Babalu’ Sobral. Logic would say Sobral is the best choice because Sobral actually tooled Shogun the last time they fought. This was also Shogun’s last real loss, ignoring the time his arm cracked in half during a bout with Mark Coleman (TKO by not enough milk). However, Joe Silva is a retard, so Lambert is also a very real possibility since Lambert beat Sobral at UFC65.

Between Nick’s suspension for pot smoking and Nate’s tendency to talk trash, it wouldn’t surprise me to hear that they spent the weekend in jail for beating on some goofy metrosexuals. But this news is much more positive: the two were competing in the Auburn Triathlon last Sunday (which might explain why Nick wasn’t in Ohio doing color commentary for GFC like GFC said he would be). Nick Diaz placed 41st overall and 6th in his age group. Nate placed 125th overall, probably because he was out of breath from shit talking the entire universe.

If you hadn’t noticed, last week we recorded ‘Episode Zero’ of our weekly podcast ‘The Low Blow’. Well, response has been good and we’re relatively happy with the sound quality so tonight we’ll be recording Episode 1. Included in the show will be our not so standard breakdown of UFC71, which will tell you who looks the most like a child molester, who’s in line for the worst whuppin, and tons of other useless information. Past that there’s always a few news articles floating around which we enjoy discussing as well. Jam packed into a tight 30 minutes, you don’t have to sign away your life to get some entertaining MMA podcast action. So come back either late late tonight or in the wee hours of the morn tomorrow to get your fix.

The UFC has a history of being the tightest cocksuckers in the business. If they think they can squeeze you for a penny, they’ll try for a dime. They continued this tradition last night by blurring out the logo of their biggest sponsor, Xyience, during the entire Countdown to UFC71 show. Some people are thinking this might mean there’s trouble in the relationship between Xyience and the UFC. My bet is Xyience just wasn’t willing to pay for the exposure, and the UFC will be damned if they’ll actually do anything for free.

This isn’t the first time they’ve done this kind of shit. Tito Ortiz complained that the Punishment Athletics logo is always blurred out on all UFC shows, just another way ‘The Man’ is keeping him down. And of course every time I pull my cock out at the live shows, they blur it out on the DVDs. I’m like what the fuck did I pay for ringside seats?

UPDATE: Looks like all the blurring might have to do with the fact that Xyience is no longer sponsoring Chuck Liddell. Probably because Chuck realized Xyience Cran-Apple tastes like radioactive frog jizz. Or his new contract demanded seven buxom Xyience girls be delivered to his bed every month.

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