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This just in: freaky giant Hong Man Choi was denied a fighting license today by the CSAC for undisclosed medical reasons. My bet is the world’s largest herpes sore. That leaves penis-chested Brock Lesnar without an opponent. All this oh so annoying paperwork is really starting to piss off K1 USA promoter Mike Kogan, who is apparently hoping his use of the word ‘Fuck’ will bring him the same luck it affords Dana White:

“Why would I sell tickets to the largest venue in the country to hold a pay-per-view, sell the worldwide rights and then sit on my (expletive) and not do what I need to do to be licensed? It’s crazy. This is a process and we’re going through that process and we will be licensed.”

Why oh why indeed? Newsflash, Kogan: Perhaps if the event wasn’t next weekend and you weren’t fucking the dog on the paperwork, we’d believe you. As it is, there’s something called reality that’s a bit hard to ignore.

Of course, it’s interesting to note this article is written by Kevin Iole, who was the creepy molester-looking guy interviewed for no reason on the Countdown to UFC 71 show. Obviously facts are facts, but it is kind of interesting that Kevin magically shows up in UFC programming, and is now writing pretty damning articles regarding the fate of K1 Dynamite. I’m just sayin’!

UPDATE: Speculation on the interwebs is that Choi’s denial may have something to do with the fact that he was knocked out on March 3rd during K1’s Hawaii show. Typically after getting KO’ed a fighter is suspended for 90 days, so who knows. Also a possibility is that Hong Man Choi is actually a cyborg.

As promised, here’s our completely unnecessary and only slightly educational preview of UFC 71. The show weighs in at 25 minutes and a nice and palatable 11 megs in size, which goes to show it’s not how big it is but how you use it. Thanks as always to my co-host Jacob from The Good Atheist. Check it out for your dose of theistic rambling.

So many people just think of Quinton “Rampage” Jackson as a joker. I know most people take him seriously as a fighter, but I have my doubts on if they take him seriously as a human being. There’s no denying Rampage is always good for a laugh, but the public does the man a diservice by ignoring who he is beyond his chain and barking.

Quinton Jackson isn’t just some ignorant stereotype. He’s not just a walking quote machine. He’s a man with a family, with a history, with a story. Luke Thomas sums this up perfectly in an article on the untold tale of Quinton “Rampage” Jackson. Do yourself a favor and check it out.

I know I don’t talk a lot about The Ultimate Fighter and that makes a lot of people sad. It’s just that I have a Journalistic Integrity to keep up and I don’t want to sully my golden reputation by talking about a stupid reality show. Regardless, as hard as I was laughing about K1’s current paperwork issues, this statement at the bottom of the Fight Network’s report on Dynamite troubles had me laughing even harder:

In addition, lightweight Javier Vasquez will not be competing on June 2’s card against intended opponent Katsuhiko Nagata. In his place, FEG officials submitted a request for none other than Gabe Ruediger, who has been under the microscope for his recent turn on “The Ultimate Fighter 5,” airing Thursdays on Spike TV. While it is probable Ruediger is still under contract with the UFC, the CSAC has already rejected the bout because Ruediger is listed as still under suspension in Nevada.

This just proves that K1’s regent Nobuaki Kakuda left his retarded son Jerry Kakuda in charge of sorting out Dynamite. Paperwork? Who needs to do that? A fighter pulled out? Lets get that guy who was kicked off The Ultimate Fighter. He’s not up to anything at the moment!

This is cutting edge news. A super duper exclusive scoop of someone else’s scoop: TheFightNetwork.com is reporting that there’s a ton of problems with K1’s Dynamite show. Last month the CSAC set a ton of requirements to throw the show and clear all of the fighters. Well, at this point one of the only fighters who has actually been cleared to fight is Brock Lesnar. And K1 hasn’t given the CSAC the required bond which covers the fighter’s pay in advance. You know, the tiny little details. Because of this, the Dynamite show has not been granted a license yet.

With only 10 days left till 22 fighters are supposed to step on the scales, promoters Fight Entertainment Group (FEG) have yet to be granted their requisite license by the California State Athletic Commission.

A CSAC representative says the hold-up has been FEG’s inability and hesitation to submit financial paperwork, requirements the state agency stipulates of all its applicants.

And here I thought the Gracie Fighting Championships would hold the title for the worst event planning of 2007. Of course, time isn’t out yet. However, these kinds of paperwork issues aren’t the sorts of things that can be ironed out quickly. If K1 doesn’t get it’s shit in high gear by the end of the week, the CSAC is likely to simply deny the show’s application because they haven’t met any of the required deadlines.

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