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Move over UFC, you are no longer the undisputed master of MMA marketing. If you really wanna expand out and get new fans, you have to get them while they’re young. The best way to do that? Free face painting, and kids under 5 get in for 10 bucks. If that’s not enough for you white trash hicks to drag your FUCKING INFANTS to an MMA show, consider this: buy a ticket and they’ll top off your tan card!

Wow, I seem to be in this mood where everything I post is a quasi-invasion of privacy. I have to admit I was a little bit nervous when I posted up yesterday’s list of MMA journalists … you never know when someone’s gonna shit a kitten over having a picture of them reposted on the interwebs. Today’s edition of ‘Fightlinker is creepy and uses the web to stalk people’ features none other than Roxanne Modafferi’s Photobucket.

For those of you not in the know, I’m about one of the biggest Roxy fans out there. I’m crossing my fingers that one of the female fighters Gary Shaw was talking about signing is Roxy. If she isn’t, I think it’s time to start a fucking grassroots movement. And by grassroots movement I mean light a bag of poo on fire in front of Gary’s mansion.

I was planning on postingg some omore tonight but i’m drunk and smell y so no posts for you. Expect some bloggo action tommorow before UFC75 starsts and the n Im not going online till Sunday after i watch the show.l

I thought I’d take a few moments to shed some light on the mystery of who brings you your daily dose of MMA.

Luke Thomas – Bloody Elbow
The goat makes him look like a Slayer fan.

Sam Caplan – CBS Sportsline / Five Ounces of Pain / MMAJunkie
Easily the most intimidating of the bunch. Possibly related to Karo Parisyan.

Denny Burkholder – CBS Sportsline
Looks like a pineapple with a face. Ten points for equal hair distribution between his head and chin.

Gregg Doyel – CBS Sportsline
If Luke Thomas was a metrosexual, this is what he’d look like. He’d also be called Lukke Thomas.

Loretta Hunt – The Fight Network
One of the hot ones … word is UFC guys think she’s queen bitch. Scores a 500 on the tap-o-meter. Possibly related to Helen Hunt.

Erin Bucknell - Fight Opinion
Loretta beats Erin on the tap-o-meter but only because this pic may be 10+ years old. Here’s hoping Erin challenges Loretta to jello wrestling for hottest MMA reporter cred.

Jeff Thaler - Fight Opinion
After listening to Fight Opinion Radio, I figured Jeff was a 90 pound geek. Now I wanna see a fight between him and Sam Caplan.

Jeff Sherwood - Sherdog
When it comes to making fun of Jeff, many people go the ‘Jeff is fat’ route. Me, I prefer to hit on the ‘Nice Fu Manchu, bud’ route. But there’s no denying it suites him as Emperor of MMA websites.

Josh Gross - Sherdog
The glans (Latin for “acorn”, because the glans of a penis often looks like an acorn popping out of its cap) is a structure internally composed of corpus spongiosum in males or of corpus cavernosa and vestibular tissue in females that is located at the tip of homologous genital structures involved in sexual arousal.

Jordan Breen - Sherdog
You might think Jordan’s emo because of his dumb hair, but that’s just what the wind does to hair out in Nova Scotia.

TJ de Santos - Sherdog
I don’t know why people put bad pictures of themselves up on Myspace. TJ needs to learn a few self-photography tricks from Jordan Breen. In this picture he looks like MMA’s answer to Barney Rubble.

Dann Stupp - MMAJunkie
Dann looks exactly like my boss. I’m not saying anything bad in case he actually *is* my boss.

Jesse Holland - UFCMania
If Jeremy Horn and Dana White had a baby, he would be named Jesse Holland.

Ryan Harkness – Fightlinker
Sorry ladies, he’s taken.

Jacob Fortin – Fightlinker
Sorry ladies, he’s gay.

The EliteXC conference call for their Sept 15th event was held today and being the stoner he is, Nick Diaz forgot all about it and didn’t call in. Sam Caplan did, and here’s a breakdown of what was revealed:

-EliteXC seems to be buying into all the major independant organizations. They just bought majority stake in Cage Rage, and have offers in for Icon, King of the Cage, and Rumble on the Rock. You know Cage Rage is a big deal because the UFC is suing them. In fact, Cage Rage is doing so well the UFC decided to book their first UFC show in England on the same date as Cage Rage. You know a company respects you when they do everything they can to crush you.

Of course, all this consolidation means that Dana White just has to crush one big organization rather than an endless parade of little organizations. Now if EliteXC goes down in flames, it’s taking a lot of other groups with it.

-They still don’t know what the fuck they’re doing with weight classes … they’ve now got 155 and 160 weight classes. The 160 weight class is for little lazy guys who don’t like cutting the extra 5 pounds. My assumption is this weight class was designed especially for Hawaiians.

-No one asked why the fuck EliteXC booked Nick Diaz versus a relative nobody. Someone did ask if Diaz vs Gomi 2 could happen in an EliteXC match. Might as well have asked for Diaz vs Hulk Hogan. Hmmm….

-Shaw said he’s got three more female fighters he’s looking to sign and should have names to announce by the 15th. Big question mark is if they’re serious names in women’s MMA or more barbie dolls to feed Gina.

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