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Here’s a report from Ken Shamrock’s MMA show this past weekend:

In addition, Kristin Niedzulski, the first female MMA competitor produced by the famed Lion’s Den camp, defeated Shawn Tamaribuchi by TKO just 23 seconds into the opening round. Niedzulski mounted her opponent almost immediately and forced the referee stoppage soon after.

Now as the subject first explains, I was initially thinking Kristin’s opponent ‘Shawn’ was a guy. And as much as I respect female MMA, I still think getting smashed in under 30 seconds by a chick has to be the most emasculating thing that will ever happen to you. Except perhaps being dildo raped by the girls from S Club 7. Anyways, the sad truth is ‘Shawn Tamiribuchi’ is a girl. The good news is she’s a fucking psycho:

The artists (Jez Lee and Shawn Tamaribuchi) warned me that someone had passed out the night before, and so I was prepared for some gory exhibitionism. What I wasn’t prepared for was the innocent-seeming, hand-holding and pantless duo that stood smiling sweetly at the audience, playfully lifting their shirts to reveal a pert breast in between playful kisses. Once they reassured the audience with the cloying sweetness of their affection, the modesty-free wonders armed themselves with syringes and snapping rubber and sat down at a dining table to draw each other’s blood, intermittently letting loose snippets of conversation and interaction that signified a new level of PDA.

“Hold the vein down and don’t miss it.”

“The rubber’s breaking!”

“It’s going to explode!”

The scenario is a simple enough one: the duo on stage is drawing each other’s blood so that they can drink it, hence the piece’s name, “Bodyshots.” But what’s mesmerizing is not the act of drinking fresh blood; it’s the dynamic between the two women.

That’s just scratching the surface of who Shawn Tamiribuchi is. As far as I can tell, Shawn is a full fledged homosexual extreme performance artist with a taste for pain. Which makes her almost as cool as Roxanne Modafferi in my books, although about 50 times more intimidating. If only for the sake of diversity in the MMA landscape (how long will Rory Singer be the only openly gay fighter?), I hope Shawn sticks with it and gets somewhere.

Some random thoughts on UFC74 pay:

Marcus Aurelio’s base pay was over 4 times higher than Clay Guida’s. Even with the win, Clay still made less than half of what Aurelio made to lose.

Another lopsided discrepancy was Roger Huerta … his base pay was 4.25 times what Alberto Crane made. Hey, we’re not against paying shit for starting fighters, but when you’re matching dudes up, have some consideration for the stupidity of the pay scale. I bet if we added up all the salaries for the guys Roger Huerta has ever fought in the UFC, it wouldn’t equal his base pay for this single fight.

Even Josh Koscheck got the bone … me so horny GSP made 70k base pay while the KOS’s base was 10k. Simple mathematics show GSP making seven times what Koscheck makes. Of course, simple mathematics also shows GSP being worth about 50 times what Koscheck is. But still … that poor bastard KOS is still on the TUF salary. Makes you wonder why anyone is crazy enough to go on that show. Sure, it’s a ton of exposure … but then you’re stuck in a three year contract making as little as 30 to 40k a year. I suppose sponsorship shores up the discrepancy. But still, three years is a lifetime in the UFC … stars rise and fall in that time.

I’m glad to see Gonzaga making some decent coin. With the depth of the UFC heavyweight division, I hope they don’t just toss him out on his ass like they did after Jeff Monson lost to Tim Sylvia.

Man, I go away for a few days and half the internet grows a big hairy vagina. The latest big hairy vaginal secretion from this big hairy vagina is all about how Renato Sobral is on par with Hitler and John Tesh as one of the most evil men in the world. While I’m not going to outright defend Babalu, I am going to say one thing: The majority of the retards out there dishing out on this subject were dishing BEFORE THEY EVEN SAW WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT.

Yes, Sobral held the choke for a whole three missisippis after the tap. But so did BJ Penn back in June against Jens Pulver. Where was the outrage then? Instead, everyone just said “Wow, I’m going to BJPENN.COM!”

There’s no doubt that what Babalu did was wrong, and it’s definitely a good idea for the NSAC to suspend and fine him to set precident. But where was the screaming lynch mob when BJ Penn did the exact same thing? Or does this only apply because Babalu was also squeezing blood out of David Heath’s head like a backyard sprinkler toy?

In the end I think the majority of this hullabaloo is unnecessary. The story of Babalu strangling Heath ‘half to death’ made it’s rounds through the internet before anyone even saw the damned fight. And once that became the primary focus for the entire internet, it has been blown way out of proportion. Well, you all can enjoy your ‘Two Minutes Hate’ on your own. Yeah, Babalu did something dumb and dangerous, and yeah it looks like he’s definitely going to pay for it. But I’ve already got someone hanging on the cross, and his name is Jesus. He died for our sins, and that’s all right. So let’s just remember that and the teachings of Christ our Lord and Savior.

As you may or may not know, I’ve been down south the past week and a half visiting family and eating Krystal   ‘hamburgers’. The posting has been a bit erratic and I’m sure some of you have wondered “Oh why has Fightlinker forsaken us???’

Well, travelling and shitty internet connections aside, we’ve also been working hard on the site overhaul that was mentioned a few weeks back. Since everyone has been so patient and supportive with the recent bullshit, I’ve decided to give you guys the above screenshot of the new work-in-progress front page. You can ignore the logo since it’s not really ours and a lot of other stuff is liable to change. But at least you can see what’s been cutting down on your homosexual UFC previews and rants about bees.

So yeah, good news is I’m back in Montreal tomorrow and there should be no more gaps in blogging. The bad news is the new web design probably won’t go live till the end of September.

Here’s a more traditional list of predictions for you. I’m not really going to break down each fight and who will win … I’m more into condemning than predicting. So here’s all you’re gonna get outta me regarding tonight!

Premature Stoppage of the Night:
Gonzaga/Couture – I’ve already mentioned Herb Dean’s luck in getting stuck with the hard calls. In this case an early stoppage is definately going to be beneficial to Gonzaga … is Herb going to give Couture the same time he would give a younger fighter to get out of some tricky positions? If Gonzaga manages to line up more than three strikes that look effective, my bet is on Herb stopping things.

Best Fight of the Night?
Do you even have to ask me? Clay Guida vs Marcus Aurelio is pretty much guaranteed to be fight of the night. Not like we’re gonna get to see it. Boo-Urns

Worst Fight of the Night?
Frank Mir vs Antoni Hardonk. In Hardonk’s last match against Justin McCully, he showed that he doesn’t have the skills on the ground to do anything. Well, that’s where Mir is gonna keep this. Add in the fact that both guys aren’t exactly cardio machines and we have another boring heavyweight matchup on our hands.

Upset of the Night
Alberto Crane will take out Roger Huerta. His lucky knockout of John Halverson aside, Huerta has proven himself to be a slow starter. He’s put himself into dumb positions he’s managed to escape from in the past, but Alberto Crane has serious BJJ cred and I think this one will end quick.

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