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The big question everyone has forgotten to ask after UFC71 is “What’s next for Karo Parysian?” As we mentioned in our UFC71 podcast, things couldn’t have gone much better for Karo. He dominated the entire fight, was never in danger, and basically smacked Burkman around like a bitch for 15 minutes. It’s unfortunate that he didn’t manage to finish off the fight, but overall it was a thorough dismantling and entertaining to boot. So … what is next for Karo?

Well, you can rule out a title shot any time soon. With Matt Sera tied up with The Ultimate Fighter 6 until fall, there’s not going to be any title shots for a while. I think the math was something like 4 months until Serra and Hughes fight, and then another 3 months before whoever wins that fight is gonna fight again. That means at least one more fight before Parisyan gets his shot. Lets take a looksie into the potential competition:

Diego Sanchez : Not only one of the best matches of 2006, but a razor thin decision to boot. The only reason this fight isn’t guaranteed to be Karo’s next bout is because the UFC may not be willing to put Diego in a position to lose a second fight in a row.

Georges St Pierre : Another good rematch, if GSP wasn’t already set to tangle with Josh Koscheck in August. But I wouldn’t be surprised if GSP and Karo Parisyan end up fighting for #1 contender status around November or December.

Jon Fitch : The choice of the Underground, but I don’t think you’ll be seeing Fitch fighting Karo soon. Karo Parisyan has been relegated to gatekeeper for two fights now: against Drew ‘the Drunk’ Fickett and Josh ‘Bitchback’ Burkman. He’s firmly back in the welterweight belt chase, so there’s no way he’s going to have to fight a ‘lesser’ opponent. He’s given the UFC the goods, and his next fight will be against someone ahead of him in the rankings. Which is bad news for Diego and GSP.

Does it get any better than this? If I was Matt Serra (and I thank God I’m not every day), I’d put this on my team’s jerseys for the next season of The Ultimate Fighter. We’d be called Team Mullet. Or Team Suspenders. Or Team Pendant. Or Team Floral Pattern. Any of those would be good.

I have to thank Luke at Bloody Elbow for this awesome discovery. You da man!

UPDATE: I’ve just been informed by a reader that Matt isn’t wearing a pendant but something called a ‘Bolo tie’. Now I have no idea what this thing has to do with Bolo, but if he endorses it then it must be all right!

Okay well here’s my follow up article on changes the UFC should make to liven up The Ultimate Fighter. As I mentioned in the first article, the Ultimate Fighter’s biggest issue is that it’s format has gone past stale and is now growing moss. Back during the initial season, just the novelty of having reality show contestants kick the shit out of eachother was enough to have people tune in. But now it just isn’t cutting it, and things need a revamp.

So here’s the shocker: The Ultimate Fighter could learn a lot from America’s Next Top Model. America’s Next Top Model? Hey, what can I say, I’m a man of diverse tastes and interests. One of them is watching crazy hot bitches, you homos. But let me tell you something else: they’re doing a better job of mixing it up on that show than the Ultimate Fighter. In just one episode I saw more originality than I’ve seen in 3 seasons of the Ultimate Fighter. If you took ANTM (yeah, everyone uses the acronym, duh!) as a template and copied what they did for their 2 hour season debut, here’s how it would translate to The Ultimate Fighter:

-They should show the preliminary tryouts
If you’ve been unfortunate enough to see American Idol, you know the the tryouts are pretty much the only bearable part of the show. Footage from all the sparring / rolling / interviews of fighters trying out could easily fill up a half hour and be extremely entertaining and educational. I would love to see Joe Silva and some other auxiliary UFC brass etc sit down and interview prospective fighers. Not only would this kind of thing give some great comic relief (because most TUF applicants are probably total retards), but would provide insight into a fighter’s personal life and where they’re coming from.

-They should bring 30 guys in and cut 14 of them
The initial workouts where coaches test out the fighters is cool, but imagine how much cooler it would be if half the fighters there were gonna get cut? You’d see fighters pushing themselves twice as hard, emotions flaring, people stressing. In short: good reality television. Again, The Ultimate Fighter is passing up tons of excellent drama by not having an axe over the heads of everyone who’s made the initial cut. Line up the fighters at the end of the training and have the coaches call their fighters one by one. The guys who don’t get called go home. What better way to have the biggest collective TUF cry in the history of the series?

-They should reward the guys who made the cut
Yeah, I touched on this in my last article, but I’m following a flow here. You’ve shown the tryouts, then you’ve shown the team selection and cutting of half the guys. Now take the winners to Vegas for backstage access and front row seats at a UFC event. After the show, follow them around an industry insider afterparty. Goddamn that would be wicked TV.

I don’t know about you, but I think that makes for one hell of a season premiere. You might even convince people that TUF6 isn’t going to be a steaming pile of garbage!

You may have thought that DSE was dead with the end of PRIDE. well, fear not: even if the UFC decides to totally fuck over Japan and chopshop it’s biggest MMA organization for parts, Dream Stage will still leave a legacy in the form of the pro wrestling organization HUSTLE. You may have heard of HUSTLE through Zach Arnold, but since he seems incapable of glee or happiness I don’t think he’s conveyed how totally awesome it is (in a terrible sort of way).

Go check out the HUSTLE website, which is lots of fun even if you can’t read Japanese. What, were you raised in a barn? Haven’t you seen Bladerunner? The Japaneese are gonna run the world in 10 years so you better start learning! Honestly, I have no idea how anyone ever took DSE seriously considering how amazingly retarded this shit is. One of their big stars is a guy named Hard Gay, and there’s nothing better. Normally I wouldn’t advise doing a search for ‘Hard Gay’ on the internet but this guy makes all that ass fucking worth it. Here’s a video for you to get a feel for him:

Now this is some hard hitting Japanese reporting. Suck on that, Fightopinion!

You may not remember who Marcio ‘Pe De Pano’ Cruz is (his nickname roughly translates to “Pees his Pants”). Well, he was the poor sucker who had to fight a pissed off Andrei Arlovski right after Andrei had lost to Tim Sylvia. That was Pe De Pano’s second loss in a row and it looks like Cruz is out of the UFC now. His new home: Renzo Gracie’s Pitbulls, which is apparently some kind of team in a league called the IFL. My understanding of how team MMA works is each fighter climbs into a different colored robot animal. The robots then combine to create one super robot which then battles the other team’s super robot. Sounds pretty awesome to me!

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