Andrei Arlovski returns beneath the uber-shadow of this weekend’s Mayweather / Canelo boxing match to headline the fifth World Series of Fighting Card against eternal scumbag Mike Kyle. Everyone here at Team Fightlinker is cheering The Pitbull on, but I know I can’t help but feel a bit nervous about the possibility of Kyle tapping Arlovski on the button and laying him face down on the canvas. Andrei, on the other hand, is not concerned. In fact, he’s sick of everyone else’s concern:

“It’s f–ked,” Arlovski angrily told “I’m really getting f–king sick of all these comments about my chin. I broke my jaw in two f–king places and f–king Anthony Johnson couldn’t f–king knock me out. So if you’re going to talk to Mike Kyle, you can just tell him to shut his f–king mouth and be ready for the f–king fight. That’s it. Period.”

“People who say or write those comments about me are people who spend all the time on their couch all day long laying down and watching TV.

“It kind of pisses me off. I don’t read those comments like I used to read those comments. I showed my chin was fine when I fought Tim Sylvia in the Philippines, when our fight was a no contest. He landed a good straight right hand at the end of the first round and I was fine. I survived and knocked him out. Those people say [I don't] have a good chin, now this guy? It’s okay. Just fine. To be honest with you, I don’t know what to say in a nice way. It’s one of those bad spots in my mind.”

Arlovski is lucky he’s in a sport as comparatively forgiving as MMA. In boxing, any one of his past four really bad knockouts would have been enough for the sport to write him off as done. Yet here he is, continuing to headline shows and command decent paychecks. He can even talk about winning the UFC heavyweight belt again, and people aren’t not taking him seriously.

“I was a champion several years ago. I remember the taste. I remember the feeling of being on top of the world. I want to be again a champion. After those four losses, people said that’s it.”

“I have the right people,” Arlovski continued. “I have great sparring partners. Everything’s fine. I’m not going to finish my MMA career like that.”

You can taste it, huh? *shifty eyes*


(Top pic by Ken Pishna for

So, Some People Started to Watch TUF 18

Yesterday, I implored the masses to start watching The Ultimate Fighter (TUF) 18, as its first episode did piss-poor ratings. It seems that indeed, a few more people listened, as the show’s viewership increased 14% to 870,000 for episode 2. This is somewhat reassuring but still nowhere near the ratings that propelled the show to being considered a hit. However, there are actually several positive signs: it was the highest-rated show on the network since its launch date, and the general upward trajectory hasn’t occurred regularly since the early days of the show.

I myself fell asleep during the first episode of TUF 18, having spent hours watching the prelims and main card of the Fight Night event that came before. When the programming reverted to prerecorded content, no matter how appealing, my meth supply also ran out, so I simply couldn’t hold out any longer. Maybe the lack of meth also explains why certain other people also failed to watch the TUF episode, but really, many fans didn’t even watch the Fight Night card to begin with.

Okay, so maybe it is actually possible that people learned how to tune to Fox Sports 1 for the Shogun vs. Sonnen card on the channel’s launch date, forgot the next Wednesday for the weak UFC Fight Night card followed by the TUF series debut, and partially remembered again. There were also about a quarter million additional DVR viewers for the first episode, but the fact that those numbers are even being released (as opposed to not having been released before) says something about how far the series has fallen since the “glory days” of Kimbo and semen-coated sushi.

In An Affront to Humanity, Louisiana State Boxing and Wrestling Commission Declares Fake Titties Public Enemy #1


The apocalypse is nigh: going forward, fake tits are banned from MMA in Louisiana. Specifically, an emergency rule lasting at least 60 days was passed Wednesday preventing athletes with breast implants from competing in MMA without a doctor’s note from the surgeon verifying their structural integrity. A woman recently pulled out of a scheduled match because of a problem with an implant, and because of this aberration, the miracle of man known as giant tits will be banned from all combat sports rings forthwith:

The moratorium is in place for at least 60 days, while the commission gathers more information about other states’ regulations of the matter. They are considering placing a blanket ban on fighters with breast implants altogether, or making the affected participants sign a waiver before participating. Thomas Ferguson, a doctor on the commission, said a ruptured breast implant doesn’t usually pose a serious health risk to the owner, but the required repairs are costly.

“Those redo surgeries are more complicated and expensive,” he said.

The commission didn’t know of any other state that has such a ban in place, though some states require fighters with implants to sign a waiver. The new rule could have an impact on two or three female fights that have already been scheduled. Embanato said he wasn’t sure if any of the women – outside of the one who has already pulled out of a fight because of problems – had breast implants. Ferguson thought it was unlikely that a doctor who performed breast augmentations would sign off on a woman fighting.

“I don’t know of a single plastic surgeon who is going to allow his artistic work to be messed up,” he said.

And then, the quote of the day:

“If they want to look good, then they don’t have to be in the ring.” -Louisiana Commissioner Harold Williams

This legal-if-approved status brings breast implants into commensuration with Testosterone Replacement Therapy legally in certain ways. (Insert boobs + testosterone joke here.) However, is there really any reason for such blatantly misogynistic ideas to come to the forefront? I understand if these commissioners chew on straw and call everyone “boy,” but come on… you don’t have to actually say that women should be forced to choose between looking good and making a living. You could at least throw it behind a veneer of bullshit somehow. For example, they could note correctly that “Bazooka Tits,” as Nick Diaz calls them, are used by the British military to enhance morale.

It would have been easy to do some quick research into what other states do or make the fighters sign a waiver, but instead, they banned implants outright. They are “gathering more information” on what makes a breast implant explode inside a woman’s chest, so we can only imagine what this entails. Will they bring in volunteers and squeeze with calipers until they hear a satisfying sploosh? Further, how will they tell for sure whether fighters have breast implants? With the implants being inserted under the muscle in some cases, some serious fondling may be required in order to verify things. Could Fightlinker be exposing a hidden motivation here? One thing is for sure: the athletic inspectors need to be accompanied by Catholic priests to verify that their intentions are pure.

Earlier this week the UFC dropped a pretty surprising news bombshell on us: BJ Penn would not only be returning to fight again, but it would be against Frankie Edgar (for the third time) AND at 145 pounds. On the Ultimate Fighter. Yep, that’s a lot to digest. Here’s Dana White explaining WTF:

So we’re putting together the Ultimate Fighter coaches for this season. It was gonna be Urijah Faber and Frankie Edgar. Urijah Faber is at 135 pounds, Edgar is at 45. Edgar didn’t want to go to 35 and Urijah Faber wasn’t crazy about going to 45. They were talking about a catchweight fight, I don’t like catchweight fights. So this thing was all in limbo and then all of a sudden I get a text from BJ Penn.

BJ Penn texts me and says “Hey Dana, I wanna fight Ben Henderson.” And my question is always to BJ is ‘Why?’ Why, you’ve accomplished so much. You won the title two times in two different weight classes. You’ve been around forever, this that and everything else. And he says the reason why is because “I think if I beat Benson Henderson you’ll give me the fight I want which is Frankie Edgar.”

I’m like Frankie Edgar? He says “Frankie Edgar, I can beat Frankie Edgar, those two first fights were BS. I want that fight again. I wanna beat this guy so bad it’s all I want.” You know how BJ is. So then I start thinking well that fight’s at 145, BJ. He’s a 145 pounder. He says “I wanna move to 145, beat Frankie Edgar, and fight for that title.”

Say what you will about catchweight fights, but Urijah Faber vs Frankie Edgar was still a pretty compelling fight between two of the top lighter weight fighters in the sport. This BJ Penn fight just seems like a mess across the board – we just spent all of 2010 watching Frankie and BJ fight and then fight again. What strange alternate dimension is Dana White’s twitter feed picking up where people are crying out for not only another fight, but an entire season of BJ and Frankie on TUF?

On the non-negative Nancy side of things, BJ is back. And if he decides to stick around and keep fighting after Frankie (probably) beats him again, we all get to enjoy seeing more of his patented Hawaiian blitz n jitz. And that’s pretty damn okay.

Virgil Zwicker got F’d in the A

This site here is supposed to be something of a comedy site, which is why I feel bad for bumming you all out lately with so much talk about how a lot of the fighters passing through the UFC seem to be leaving worse off financially than when they went in. I don’t really blame you if you don’t feel bad for Matthew Riddle – he kinda FUBAR’d his own career – but check out this nightmare story from Strikeforce fighter Virgil Zwicker:

Their doctor basically said that they found blood clots in my brain, so I actually had to spend thousands of dollars of my own money getting cleared. Strikeforce did not help me, and none of the Zuffa people helped me pay for anything -Virgil Zwicker

Strikeforce gave me the opportunity to be the main event of a card, and they sent me to a doctor to go and do my medicals. Their doctor basically said that they found blood clots in my brain, so I actually had to spend thousands of dollars of my own money getting cleared. Strikeforce did not help me, and none of the Zuffa people helped me pay for anything, so I had to go spend $15,000 – $16,000 on about 20 different doctors and 15 different x-rays to prove to them that their doctor was wrong and there was nothing wrong with my brain.

They didn’t help with anything. I had to go do every test, step by step, myself. I almost had to do celebrity golf tournaments just to bring in money for myself, because I was broke. An MRI costs anywhere between $5,000 and $10,000, and I had to do 15 of them just to get cleared, because they made the decision to send me to some broke doctor who had some old x-ray machine with diluted film rolls. It was one of the most frustrating things I’ve ever dealt with in my career.
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