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Picks for UFC 116

That glazed look in his eye spells danger to all farm animals

Interim Heavy Weight Champion Shane Carwin vs Heavy Weight Champion Brock Lesnar

Clint: What a fucking mouth full, which reminds me Subo I owe your mom some money so tell her I will send it when I get a job. This one is tough to call since it’s basically a strong guy with good wrestling and good striking vs a guy who is built like a M-1 Abrams… who also has good wrestling and decent striking. Both guys are fucking huge and both guys can fuck a dude up with a punch. The edge goes to Shane in the striking department but wrestling goes to Brock for his ability to hillbilly rape anyone. I gotta go with Brock on this one but i actually hope Shane wins.

Subo: Clint, with the sheer amount of porn you watch, you should know that being able to fit all of your junk inside of someone’s mouth is hardly something to brag about.   There’s supposed to be some left over.   Anyway, one day we’re all going to look back on how insane Brock’s first five fights have been, and I won’t judge whether he’s a boom or a bust based on his performance in his sixth.  He’s been out of commission for a year, had that whole almost-dying thing happen, and is smaller than before.  I believe all three of these things will work in his favor, but if not, we’ve got a real killer at champ, even if he’s pretty old – not like he’s taken a lot of damage in the ring (unlike, of course, Clint’s rectum).

  • Clint: Brock Lesnar via rd. 2 TKO on the ground
  • Subo: Lesnar via short range KO in the first

Yoshihiro Akiyama vs. Chris Leben

Clint: You have a guy who should be the head of a giant racist corporation in Japan vs a guy who looks like he should be making white lightening. I like Chris in this fight. I think he what it will take to beat this guy and make Americans hate him as much as Japanese fight fans.Chris will come to bang and push Sexiyama around the cage.

Subo: Two fights in two weeks is brutal, but two weigh-ins in two weeks (especially when you spent the day after the fight getting fat) is just insane.  Leben beat Simpson primarily because he survived early and Simpson gassed – I don’t think his cardio will be there for him with such a short turnaround.  On the other side, JesusChristInternetMMAFansAreWeirdiyama hasn’t fought since 100 (like Lesnar), but he never fucking fights anyway.  Leben is going to get tossed, and tossed often.

  • Clint: Chris Leben via Unanimous Decision
  • Subo: EnoughWithTheMancrushingiyama by second round TKO

Chris Lytle vs. Matt Brown

Clint: This is like a dream fight for casual MMA fans but also guys like me who need an exceiting fight to break up the wrestling ass fuck fest that seems to happen every other UFC. I like both of these guys since they always bring it. Chris Lytle has had 50 fights! But I see Matt taking this one since he needs another win to make sure he isn’t sent the way of the other TUF cast (a ways).

Subo: You know, Clint, maybe you should draft this shit in the html version – it seems to catch spelling errors more often.  Chris Lytle is the fucking man, the epitome of what every fighter that doesn’t go right to contention should be (constantly improving, unafraid to lose and exciting as hell).  If he wins this, he’s in the mix with a winning streak, a bunch of bonus checks and a compelling story.  Matt Brown, on the other hand, is probably fighting for his job.  Lytle, in all of those fights that grammatically challenged bastard above me mentioned, has been finished twice.  By cut.

  • Clint: Matt Brown via Unanimous Decision
  • Subo: Chris Lytle via FOTN

Krzysztof Soszynski vs. Stephan Bonnar

Clint: I like Stephan Bonnar as a person ever since his time on TUF. That said he isn’t so hot at MMA anymore. I don’t know what happened, maybe his time off after trying the Barry Bonds workout system. Krysadlgfnregn So;asdnveng is another guy from TUF, I see a trend with this card, but he has a future. Hopefully this one won’t include headbutts and actually show some good ol’ MMA like back when TUF started.

Subo: I thought this rematch was a good way to occupy two useless fighters back in February on the Party Line (check your iTunes), but the weigh-ins tonight had me thinking differently.  Bonnar looked cut, he’s always been gigantic at 205 and his years upon years of training have to help him here.  On the other hand.  K-Sos looks like Superman’s nemesis from the 5th dimension and was riding high until dropping a shitty stinker to Brandon Vera last August.  I’m going to go with my heart, because too many old timers have been cut lately.

  • Clint: Krzysztof Soszynski via Unanimous Decision
  • Subo: Stephan Bonnar via third round heroics

Kurt Pellegrino vs. George Sotiropoulos

Clint: Both of these guys love to rub on sweaty dudes, not wrestling though. Kurt is one of those guys who will keep going all day and doesn’t quit, except he quit trying to learn how to read. George Stafjonvewnvopolis trains with a pothead but is undefeated since joining the UFC, another TUF fighter.  Kurt hasn’t lost since 2008 when he failed to finish Post Fight Battle Champion Nate Diaz.

Subo: This fight should be the co-main event and will elevate the winner into the upper echelon of the division.  Snuffleupagus may end up being the sleeper TUF 6 star, and nothing made me happier than his beating of Joe Daddy, which made idiots look like idiots all over the Internet – but Batman is close to my heart, because he can’t read and neither can Charlie Kelly, and if Charlie Kelly were a fighter, I’d sell all of my shit and join his crew.  Kurt was also beating the ungodly hell out of Diaz until he got caught in that triangle.

  • Clint: Kurt Pellegrino via 2nd rd. TKO
  • Subo: Kurt Pellegrino via the kind of decision that makes whiny bastards cry hot, plump, salty tears