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Republican Jiu Jitsu Force

Chuck Norris wants the 2012 election’s ragtag batch of Republican presidential hopefuls to rally around eachother to defeat their common enemy: the evil Barack Hussein Obama, socialist destroyer of America!

The art of Jiu-Jitsu is to use an opponent’s weight and strength to your advantage. I believe this is what the conservatives must do in the coming 2012 presidential election.

Obama’s “weight and strength” is that by next year he will have a surplus of $1 billion in campaign money and the mainstream media supporting him. He also has ACORN (or whatever they call themselves now) and other community organizers rallying the liberal troops to make sure he gets re-elected. Add to that his slick-willy youth charm and pseudo-charisma with which he has bamboozled a large part of the American public, who neither follow politics nor understand how he has unraveled the very fabrics of our republic. And tailor that with Obama’s unique ability to make one believe he means what he says from a teleprompter, and you have a formidable foe.

But as Rickson Gracie, retired mixed martial artist, an eighth-degree black and red belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and a member of the renowned martial arts family – the Gracie family, once said, “If size mattered, the elephant would be the king of the jungle.”

How true that is. But it’s also true that the elephant here (Obama), despite the shape of the economy, is still leading every single Republican presidential candidate by double-digit margins. A brand new Reuters/Ipsos poll reveals that Obama is even “ahead of his closest Republican rival, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, by 13 percentage points – 51 percent to 38 percent.”

To be effective, the conservative organizations, independents, libertarians, Republicans, tea partiers, and other grass-root groups across our country must make the people aware that it is time we unite as one voice and, if you will, one Jiu-Jitsu force. And that includes the Republican candidates running for president. If they don’t, we will proceed through the presidential primary with politics as usual and get swallowed up in the partisan muck and mire.

Radical times call for new and radical measures. Formidable opponents require us to abandon business as usual strategies. Do fighters fight the same way in every competition? No, they examine their opponents, their strengths and weaknesses, and adapt accordingly to win. Are all wars won the same way? No, generals and combat strategists examine every variable of their foes and implement a plan on the battlefields that will bring victory. It is going to be the same way in this next presidential race.

As the acrostic TEAM explains, “Together Everyone Achieves More.” Again, I realize the obstacles for these candidates to overcome their egos and unify as “team leaders,” but what other alternatives do we have?

This is the way we can use our conservative Jiu-Jitsu to overpower our opponents, Obama and Biden, and prevail in our political combat.

I like how Chuck refers to Obama as an elephant … a pretty good metaphor except when tied into politics where the elephant is kinda the Republican’s symbol. I think it’s fitting since Obama has proven himself to be pretty freaking centrist. A lot of us lefties actually think he’s a bit more elephant than donkey (that’s what Michelle said too, ba dum tss).

As for all the Republican candidates going Voltron and teaming up to jitz Obama in the elections or something, good luck with that. The only thing that batch of morons can agree on is how icky gay people are.

  • agentsmith

    “If size mattered, the elephant would be the king of the jungle.”

    If you think an elephant’s size doesn’t matter, ask any lion who’s tried to kill one.

  • thingvolds

    uhm arent you canadian?

  • Fitdaws

    Obama is centrist? Who are you kidding? Chuck is spot on! ( Ok, I am ready for the backlash from the sheople}

  • glassjawsh

    ^ learn politics or shut your goddamned mouth =)
    volds is still “cool” though

  • CAP

    Is he going to get a visit from Secret Services? Or are they scared?

  • scissors61

    if michelle bachmann becomes president through some horrid and unforseen series of calamities i’m fleeing the country. can i crash on your couch, ryan? 

  • bosswell

    Everyone knows republicans can’t do jiu jitsu. They can wrassle, though.