Rampage is literally sweating him
(I can edit anything, motherfucker)
Quinton Jackson vs Rashad Evans
Clint: I can really see this going either two ways: Rampage beats Rashad to death or Rashad humps Rampage as revenge for that poor reporter. I hear that Rampage is a little chunky but he will still have POWER and I see this going the way of Rampage vs Silva, Liddell or Eastman.
Subo: Rampage is in shape. That’s not why I’m picking Rashad. Rampage hasn’t fought since Keith Jardine last year, and he admitted recently that he was “ring rusty” in that fight, so he’s essentially had one fight in the last 18 months and almost 12 months since that fight to re-accumulate said ring rust. Rashad has faster hands, better wrestling (in that it’s had the dust wiped off of it recently) and a VASTLY superior camp. Evans has one loss, to the previously unbeatable Machida. Puncher’s chance aside, I think everyone is letting their dreams of Rampage/Shogun II color their glasses (here’s looking at you, boss).
Michael Bisping vs Dan Miller
Clint: Like Ryan said this card has lots of good fighter but shit fights. I don’t really care who wins this fight but Dan better fucking win this. He has lost his last two and a loss to Dana’s personal British penis sheath would send his ass packing.
Subo: Remember how earlier I was giving Ryan shit for letting his wishes taint his fight-picking?
Todd Duffee vs Mike Russow
Clint: Mike Russow has fought 3 good fighters and lost once. Todd Duffee has fought 2 name fighters and won both times. I don’t give a fuck about this fight. Duffee takes it since he is like 10 yrs younger.
Subo: You SHOULD give a fuck about this fight. Duffman is a beast in waiting, three months younger than me and clearly the owner of a murderous jab. He’s the best kind of prospect, and this is the best kind of prospect fight – Russow is 11-1 and will gladly matfuck the UFC dreams out of anyone that can’t stop it. If Duffee fails, it’s back to the drawing board. If he succeeds, he’ll get a guy like Kongo next. It’s not like Duffee has never fought anyone, either – he beat Assuerio Silva in Jungle Fight before coming to Zuffa. At least use this opportunity to root against Russow since you hate anything that reminds you of that time at summer camp.
Antonio Rogerio Nogueira vs Jason Brilz
Clint: Lil Nog vs a guy who’s record is a who’s who of mid to low level guys. Lil Nog is also the lesser of the Nogs in terms of sustained damage.
Subo: Occasionally, your succinctness says all that needs to be said. Props to Brilz for taking this, though – if this doesn’t get you in good with Dana, then few things will.
Diego Sanchez vs John Hathaway
Clint: Neither of these guys is that relevant in terms of the title, Hathaway even less than Diego. A win for nut job could lead to some good fights down the road and a win for the Brit means he isn’t shitty. Both guys are decision machines so I can see this one going the distance with some wrestling and humping interspersed with some octagon wondering.
Subo: …going for “wandering” there? Or do you expect them to just stare in awe at the structure itself? Diego, love him or hate him (for the record, hate him), is always good for an ass-beating one way or the other, because he’s got NO finishing power and is as durable as a bastard. BJ broke that decision streak, and I’m going out on a limb and saying Hathaway catches a back-to-170 Diego napping.