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REVIEW: Never Back Down

So me and Jake went out to see Never Back Down, and it was pretty much exactly what I was expecting. Rather than write some long winded thesis on the movie from the perspective of a film critic, let me qualify it in a more useful manner for you:

Action: For a movie that lasted like 110 minutes, there wasn’t really enough fighting. I think through the whole thing there were maybe 5 fight scenes. The quality was okay, some neat camera tricks and ‘first person perspectives’. But as seems to be the case in all movies nowadays, a lot of the cuts were too quick for you to really see what was going on. Still, the beatdowns were well shot and satisfying (although not nearly as awesome as Rambo’s 5 minute gattling gun finale). 3/5

Babes: There was a decent amount of good tail floating around, especially at the first party. But the main love interest was like a chubby Jessica Alba … her face is practically a circle and she has thunder thighs. The movie didn’t spend enough time molesting all the chicks like they do in The Fast and The Furious and other ‘teen scene’ flicks, but I guess since this is supposed to be a high school flick they might have thought that was creepy. But hey, creepy or not, they shoulda shown more skanks wearing very little instead of blowing their load in the first party scene. 3/5

Cheese: Cheese factor is off the hook … a whole bunch of terrible lines that are just aching to be made fun of. Anyone who’s into MMA will get a kick out of the namedropping and attempts to be factually correct. While they got the terminology right, it’s still better than watching your Grandmother talking Gangsta – it’s just side splittingly wicked. 4/5

Overall: 3.5 / 5

Don’t go into this movie expecting it to be some kind of lifechanging experience, and don’t expect it to ‘represent the sport’ because the movie is more about felony fights than actual mixed martial arts. But if you go with some friends (preferably drunk), you’ll probably have a good time.

  • Dangerfield

    what names were dropped?

  • Mr. Theplague

    Well that clinches it, I definitely seeing it, but after a few beers. Too bad about the babe score though. Maybe for the sequel they can focus on that online female MMA porn.

  • Thomas aka Hattori Hanzo

    I thought was the only one that noticed the lead chick was a little on the chubby side.

    The protagonists trainer supposdly trained with Gracies. The trainer is the African dude who was in Gladiator, Blood Diamond and Alias (lolz fightlinker).

    Called it Mixed Martial Arts but all the fights held were unsanctioned back alley brawls ala Kimbo.

    It was entertaining if you go in there prepared to see some dumb shit. They gave the trailer for Redbelt before the movie. Its where the fighters have to pick a pepple out of a bowl and it you get the black one you have to fight with an arm tied behind your back. Interesting…

  • Vale Nada

    Wow, you actually dedicated an article to this piece of shit movie.

  • RL Dookiefuck

    I’m going to see this movie so I can get pumped up to watch some Chuck Norris WCL and sign up for Krav Maga lessons.

  • Accomando

    “…(although not nearly as awesome as Rambo’s 5 minute gattling gun finale)…”

    First of all, its a .50-caliber truck-mounted gun; with that said, could anything ever compare to that wonderus display of cinema?

    I mean, Rambo holds the record with the most kills out of the entire Rambo series, with 236 kills and an average of 2.59 kills per minute; that’s so tough to compete with.

  • Boondock

    Cmon Fightladies I’m high as shit and need my MMA fix hook me up with somethin new. Thank you drive through. Boondock for pres ’99 and all that other jazz

  • Vess

    Finished 3rd at the box office with $8.6 million in receipts. Not bad, not bat at all.

  • danaunclefesterwhite

    I don’t follow box office sales that often. Isn’t $8.6 million for your first week considered crappy? What was the budget like for this movie?

  • Vess

    For a movie that was universally panned by all movie critics and all mma sites except for FL :), I think the movie did exceptionally well. It will probably fall off the charts next week. The absolute amount ($8.6 million) is not spectacular but the relative standing is (3rd place).

  • AJB

    Our trainer threatened to do horrible, horrible things to us if we even mentioned this movie in his presence. I’m tempted to go see it and talk about it at the gym just to see if I can learn some new submissions. From the receiving end, sure, but it’s all learning, right?

  • garth

    I’m trying out the mobile function…not bad. tho the idea of watching this movie gives me frothy diarrhea. this palm centro is pretty cool.

  • andres

    U promised ud never leave us with out news u promised

  • Fightlinker is Wrong

    Fightlinker was wrong.

  • Lifer

    new fightlinker with 200% more anal bleeding and 100% less content!

  • igorpunck

    did his ass explode? is he still alive? wtf? should we call 911? did Dana finally got him? i demand answers!

  • dulljake

    go read the comic fools.

  • Lifer

    ok 90% less content.