Scottish MMA fighter killed by falling cow

Beware, unsuspecting populace: hiding behind a veneer of harmlessness and outwardly appearing to be gentle and docile, cows secretly want to fuck you up. They’re pissed off that more of us aren’t vegetarians, and they’re doing something about it. Folkloric rumblings about falling cows have been legitimized in recent years by too many stories about cows cannonballing themselves at people to ignore. They evidently teach each other in cow terrorist training camps to kneel down one last time on their cow prayer rugs and then hurl themselves at people like delicious, savory suicide bombers.

Scottish amateur MMA fighter Ally McCrae is the latest victim of this diabolical revenge plot by our manure-generating prisoners. McCrae, also known as “McCrazy”, was a member of Scotland’s Dinky Ninjas team, a blue belt in BJJ, a wrestler, and a skilled Thai boxer, but he was no match for a dead cow that fell off a conveyor belt in a slaughterhouse where he was working. The slaughterhouse workers won the first round, killing the cow and hanging its carcass by a hook. But the cow landed an ” target=”_blank”>Atomic Butt Drop in round two that caused McCrae to have a fatal heart attack. Besides serving as a warning of the imminent threat posed by the ruminant master plan to elinimate humans, this incident clearly illustrates the need for strict adherence to weight classes in MMA.

  • iamphoenix

    elinimate

  • frickshun

    This coulda been sooooo funny.

  • iamphoenix

    ^lol. He’s like that one guy in a group that tries way too hard to make people laugh, but no one laughs because he’s trying too hard.

    below will be a comment made by richard saying he hates us. You can’t hate someone after everyone already decided they hated you first and all you wanted was to be was loved.

    or he says he loves us, secretly hating us.

    or, he says nothing about these comments.

  • frickshun

    PS: Once the cow hit the ground, a loud “zzzzzzzip” was heard & Mac Danzig stepped out from the cow’s belly a la Skywalker from the Taun Taun.

  • glassjawsh

    a cow falls on you and you die of a heart attack??? Carcass! how’s that work?

    imagined response from Carcass: he’s scottish, this isnt even news

  • chim55

    this isnt really in good taste guys.

    Do you realise a lot of guys at Dinky Ninjas read this website? They lost a friend and training partner, I dont think they will be happy with it being made light off.

    Maybe I sound like a hyper sensitive douche, but i dont care.

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    this isnt really in good taste guys.

    and

    Do you realise a lot of guys at Dinky Ninjas read this website?

    Is hilarious.  I almost thought you were serious for a second.

  • chim55

    I am serious.

    I saw Ally fight at OT in the Kelvin Hall in Glasgow a few months back in the LW tournament if I remember right.

    Just saying, friends of his and people who know him will or have already seen this.

    I understand that its just throwaway funny to most people, but I would be annoyed at msyelf for not saying what I said.

  • Jarman

    I’ll be honest: my first thought wasn’t about how bad this sucks for Ally, his friends or family. I can be an insensitive prick. Surprisingly, my first thought wasn’t even for the cow, and how awesome it was to achieve a post-mortem fatality. My first thought was: “Who wrote this, and why did they take such a dated and unfunny approach to this circumstance? But a quick tabulation of the number of links (that i didn’t need to click, but did, and hate myself for it) and the complete lack of saying anything other than some anecdote that was framed to make us laugh(news flash, it didn’t), quickly narrowed it to dick. I still checked, as I’m losing faith in FL, and was afraid it was Ryan.

    I normally never comment on the quality of the writing on here. It’s usually beyond reproach from a cro-mag like myself. But this was just lame. and yeah, as sandy-vag there put it, grossly insensitive to any of the deceased’s associates. I dunno, it coulda been funny AND kinda respectful along the lines of: “MMA fighter perishes toiling away at a thankless, (supposedly) unsafe job due to the lack of support from any governing body or amateur associations, yet mainstream media could not give a fuck less because it doesn’t involved cardiac removal and/or drugs” or something like that. You see why I don’t write for a blog.

    Where’s agent smith when you need him?

  • noiseless

    I kinda agree with hyper sensitive douche, and angry-wall-of-text. Unfunnay. Ur a dick.

  • chim55

    Ill be totally honest, if the story was the exact same except that it happened to a fighter from America, or Canada or Brazil or wherever, I most likely wouldn’t have given a second thought to it. It just doesn’t sit right with me because like I said, Ally is from my part of the world.

    I dont know if that makes me a hypocrite, or what, but like I said, if I didn’t post something along the lines of what I did, I would feel guilty for it.

    I also pretty much agree with all that you said Jarman, it could have been written so much better, with a tone of respect, without coming off as totally morbid. That wouldn’t be too difficult to achieve.

    Like I said, its a certainty that guys at the Grip House will see this, the photo of their recently deceased friend, next to the “funny” sign, and then go on to read some snarky, internet protected prick make total light of what was a tragic accident.

    weak sauce.

  • Jarman

    being as how I’m from Canada, I woulda totally laughed my ass off if it was some canadian having a ’100% pure alberta beef’ cow fall on him. Even harder from Brazil, cause that’s likely where the beef on most of Vancouver’s tables comes from. Not from the states though…..cause who cares about some schmuck from texas? Not his government! *rimshot* heyoooooo!

  • chim55

    I believe the American landing on the bovine would cause more damage than the other way around Jarman, sir.

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    I almost believed you again.

    I believe the American landing on the bovine would cause more damage than the other way around Jarman, sir.

    You guys are good!

  • Morghen

    There were not nearly enough links in that post for my taste.

    The people demand more links.

  • matthewpolly

    brilliant writing. very funny.

  • dick

    Apologies to Ally’s friends and family if they may have been offended by this post; it’s never my intention to make someone who has lost a loved one feel bad. However, no amount of condolences or reverence that I could offer would take away their loss. They’ll be sad either way.

    If you read the articles to which I linked, you will read that Ally was a well-known jokester and that at least one of his associates was expecting a “gotcha” facebook post explaining that this was all a gag. Even a normally dull person would have to admit that flying cows are at least KINDA funny.

    Some of these comments strike me as begging the question of when it is appropriate to joke about a death. How soon is too soon? FL writes stuff that could offend just about any group out there… Are dead people going to become the first and only group who are immune from being joked about? Why don’t women, minorities, rape victims, and congenital amputees get the same protection? Why don’t I?

    I have to say that I probably would have demonstrated a bit more reverence here if it didn’t involve someone who kills for a living. And don’t tell me about being a marginalized population and having no choice but to take a shitty job to pay the bills; there were clearly other options available, as he quit his job working in shipping to take that job. I am not an animal rights activist, but I believe that if you’re going to kill a living thing, it’s not that horribly “tragic” (to use chim’s term) when that living thing kills you back. It is sad, and I realize that two wrongs don’t make a right, but it’s not tragic.

  • agentsmith

    “Do you realise a lot of guys at Dinky Ninjas read this website?”

    Now I know you’re lying, nobody reads this site.

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    And absolutely nobody named “Dinky Ninjas” have real feelings about anything.

  • iamphoenix

    dick, it’s more that you tried to be funny and failed more so making light of a death. if it were actually funny, then whatever. You’re not funny. Stop trying.

  • dick

    Iampenix- MiddleEasy still has a “Be a writer” graphicbutton on the bottom of their site. If you think you are so clever and funny, by all means, give it a shot. Don’t let the fact that you were rejected by FL as a writer keep you from showcasing your talents. I’ve never seen you do or say anything even remotely funny other than the incredibly racist resume for DJThunderElbows, but hey, I’d love to see what you can do and I’m open to being pleasantly surprised.

    About your friendly comments, I’ll take Polly’s opinion over yours, being that he is a professional author of some acclaim, and you are… well… yeah.

  • iamphoenix

    Home Depot sells shovels bro. It’s raining a lot here so fill up these sand bags while you’re at it.

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    Iampenix- MiddleEasy still has a “Be a writer” graphicbutton on the bottom of their site. If you think you are so clever and funny, by all means, give it a shot.

    Please don’t try to flame that lamely here.  He said you weren’t funny, he didn’t say he was better than you.  That Dinky Ninja Chim could just say “Well you try fighting MMA under a falling cow!” and it would make as much sense.

    Having said that, please don’t take this as an indictment of your intention to insult him.  Game on.

  • dick

    ^^ I would normally agree that what you pointed out is a logical fallacy. But in the context of the things Penix has said and done in the past, I think that it’s valid. He tried to be a writer on here and got rejected. So he makes dumb photochops and makes stupid comments on every single thing that he can in lame attempts to be amusing and serially hates on outside FL writers until they quit. It’s obvious that there’s some resentment at play behind the fact that he doesn’t have any bylines. I honestly think it would be good for him to be a writer for a snarky comedy MMA site. He would gain a lot of self esteem from it. He has said that he thinks he’s capable of doing it. So I say more power to him if he actually wants to do something constructive and stop being so pathetic.

    P.S. Your Hulk Hogan av is… so hypnotic.

  • frickshun

    Waaaaah, dick has feelings. I noted a previous write-up was funny. If I’m saying this one wasn’t, you can take it or leave it. But as a wannabe writer, I suggest you take it. Funny, when I tell Ryan something he did sucked, he doesn’t shed tears.

    Hey Polly, you fucking published, notable writer……if you’re gonna hand out false compliments, I’m going to forward you a pick of my flaccid penis & see what I get back.

  • iamphoenix

    yeah. I dont even feel like it honestly. No need to rehash what ive said in the past. I dont need to have a queer pissing contest on the internet. I only want pissing contests irl, that way I see their wiener.
    *crosses fingers for fututre pissing contest with justin bieber.

  • dick

    Frick- I luv you, plz don’t hate me kthx. I’m just going to huddle in a corner, keep crying, and tell myself that I’m really not catching feelings over this.

    ^^Guys, I’m not the one who started the queer pissing contest… I was just making some points/suggestions, and then all of a sudden the both of you started ranting about your cocks and offering “picks” of your cocks to other guys and looking at other guys’ cocks. Things are starting to get weird in here.

  • frickshun

    So……….that’s a no?

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    I wrote out a whole response, but it really doesn’t matter.  The pissing contest was going on before you came here, and it’ll go on forever – it’s the nature of the community you write for.

    I hope you keep writing as you’re getting better, but expect whiny bitching because comedy is hard and you still kinda suck balls at it.

  • frickshun

    ^^You’re NEGATIVE. And you’re A JERK. And you’re INSENSITIVE. And you’re NOT A REAL WRITER. And you’re AVI IS SO META. And you’re WELCOME TO BATTLE ME IN A WRITER-OFF!!

  • dick

    Haha… I actually do like you, Frickie. Even though we have our battles on here, you’re alright with me. I hope that you and Iampenix have lots of fun slapping your wieners one against the other.

  • Jarman

    ^coming from a dick, that’s kinda funny. Props! your responses to penix are pretty well written, and entertaining, so there’s hope i guess.

    and chim55—-much much much delayed baaaahahaha!

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    ^^You’re NEGATIVE.

    No I’m not.

    And you’re A JERK.

    Mathematically impossible.

    And you’re INSENSITIVE.

    Again, check your maths.

    And you’re NOT A REAL WRITER.

    Hey!  I TRANE ENGLAIS FIVE TIMES A WEEK!!

    And you’re AVI IS SO META.

    I don’t believe you understand what that word means.

    And you’re WELCOME TO BATTLE ME IN A WRITER-OFF!!

    I just did; and I won.

  • AcadianBacon

    Um….hello?  Did someone say cock?  I WANT SOME TOO!!

  • frickshun

    HAHAHAHAHA. DJ is funny again. Someone take his temp & make sure it’s not fever hallucinations…..

  • iamphoenix

    Me saying youre not funny is nothing more than saying you suck and I hope your keyboard dies of syphillis. nothing personal. and I hate you.

  • Letibleu

    I went to Ryans and he showed me som pics of Dick in NYC. i promised I wouldnt show em.

  • chim55

    dude, you are a fucking idiot.

    someone who works in an abattoir dies, but its not a tragedy because he works in an abattoir?

    that is a retarded statement.

  • frickshun

    Haha…..Blutters (Black Butters) has a beautiful family.

  • Grappo

    someone who works in an abattoir dies, but its not a tragedy because he works in an abattoir?

    that is a retarded statement.

     

    yeah, that was a pretty dumb thing to say.  and to think. 

  • dick

    When that guy who drove Indy cars died, was that a “tragedy”? Ryan posted on twitter the following observation: he made a conscious decision to drive a tiny car around a track cramped with other cars at ludicrous speeds, and decided that that’s what he loved to do. He knew the risks, he made an informed decision to take those risks, and he paid the price. Sad? Yes. Tragedy? No.

    What about the people who are matadors or do bear baiting? They kill animals fully knowing that those animals have a shot at killing them back. When someone dies doing that, it’s obviously not a tragedy. You started a fight to the death with a wild animal and lost. No discussion necessary.

    When you work at a slaughterhouse, the only difference between that and bear baiting is that you think it’s “safe”, that the animals have no chance of defending themselves or otherwise causing you harm. Instead, you think you’ll be the only one doing the killing. But mistakes happen, and you get crushed by the cow you slaughtered. What’s the difference between that and bear baiting and being a matador? You thought you were picking on the weak. If anything, that makes it LESS of a tragedy than if you die doing bear-baiting or being a matador.

  • frickshun

    ^^Not even close to a fair comparison.

    The guy died. You cracked jokes. If you thought it was funny 2 days ago, it should still be funny to you now. Stop being a jellyfish & tell these motherfuckers you don’t give a shit about people you don’t personally know.

  • frickshun

    PS: Dinky Ninjas. I can’t stop laughing @ the name……

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    EXACTLY!  “A Dinky Ninja got crushed by a cow he was supposed to chop up” is not a tragedy.  Fuck all that “He knew what he was” bullshit.  A Ninja should’ve moved out the way. 

    Even a Dinky one.

    The tragedy is obscured by the awesomeness.  It’s like when I die fighting a dragon while fucking a pornstar on an aircraft carrier, no one will think it’s a tragedy.  They’ll know I died like I lived.

  • Grappo

    Dick, I can’t even attempt to follow the flow of your logic.  Working at an abattoir does not equal killing animals for fun or entertainment, engaging in high-risk behavior, or “picking on the weak.”  That statement suggests that the people that work there are sadists who get off on killing helpless animals.  They’re just dudes trying to make money and support their families, while providing a necessary service to the majority of the human population that aren’t vegan pussies. 

    I’ll laugh when matadors get gored, when hunters accidentally shoot each other (and I used to bow hunt), and I’ll even laugh when a falling cow kills some dude I don’t know.  But your rationalization is just way off here.  But it’s yours and you’re entitled to it.

  • chim55

    if you are writing pieces for this website, then it has fallen way, way below an”ironically shit, but I still like reading it” level.

    You are a legit retard, tell me you believe the logic you are applying whole heartedly.

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    Who are you ranting at now?  Try some blockquotes or somethin’, Chim.

  • chim55

    why not make fun of this too:

    “–Mike Huber, a crew member for the G.I. Joe movie that Dwayne Johnson is starring in was killed on Tuesday while working on the production. He reportedly was working on a high-powered lift when an accident took place on the set in New Orleans when a scissors lift tipped over. “

  • chim55

    ^

    I realise Im startin to sound like a woman, but this Dick fellow is a fucking retard.

  • iamphoenix

    i’m with you chim…mr vince filmdrunk wrote it pretty goods… http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2011/11/gi-joe-2-crewman-dies-in-accident

  • bird90

    Cows kill more people annually than sharks do. Sucks, and I feel for the family, but that’s what happens when you f*ck with beasts that are bigger (and probably more intelligent) than you.

  • Letibleu

    Well, dick for me thus far was hanging center. A few of his stuff hung left (the good side) this one was meh but the comparing jobs argument made dick hang right.

    I find the circumstances unfortunate. The article can be made to laugh at the situation yet finishing off with maybe a note of respect for the deceased and/or the family. In any case, getting shits and giggles from someones misfortune is half of what we are about here and its fair game.

    3 Christmases ago a not so close friend of mine went was called in on his day of (23rd of December no less) to give his boss a hand. He worked at a tired change place that did big rig wheels. A machine and its safety fail safe failed and a tire he was rimming exploded sending the big rig mag through his head instantly decapitating him. His younger sister was called Alice. “Off with his head” now freaks the shit out of her and its funny.

  • iamphoenix

    must have been a bad rim job.

  • Letibleu

    There are a few. Like, we all know what the last thing to go through his head was.

  • frickshun

    ^^I’m an actual condor.

  • agentsmith

    Dick’s analogy was seriously flawed, but I still LOL at the heartless bastards around here suddenly acting like THIS article crossed the line.

    In related news, “Dick’s analogy” sounds vaguely like a gay porn title.

  • iamphoenix

    You can find out more about the story at Mirror, or you can check out this hilariously-insensitive report from Fightlinker that forgets this guy was a human being and breaks down the cow-to-body collision like a fight. I know this is a terrible situation, but the better part of my heart tells me that if I died being flattened by a projectile slaughterhouse cow I’d want the people who found out to have a laugh. Because seriously, holy sh*t.

    http://withleather.uproxx.com/2011/11/mma-fighter-killed-by-falling-cow-seriously

     

     

  • Grappo

    but I still LOL at the heartless bastards around here suddenly acting like THIS article crossed the line.

     

    All ONE of them?!

  • G Funk

    Chim vs. Cock = Jawsh vs. redpenis. Not the first time ol chimmy gets his tighty whiteys in a bunch.

  • Reverend Clint

    i think it was a little cold but shit thats what this site is all about

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