With all of the positive drug tests coming out lately, it’s becoming obvious that the playing field in MMA is savagely tilted in a manner that gives some competitors an unfair if not dangerous advantage over others. The cause of these inequalities is as obvious as the vagina in Urijah Faber’s chin: the illegality of anabolic steroids. Many perfectly good fighters are being prevented from reaching their full roided-up potential solely because of meddling pee-sniffers. Who knows how many hard-working athletes are forced into irrelevancy because they are too stupid/honest to do away with their scruples and ride that needle?
Former UFC fighter Sean McCorkle wants to change all that. Instead of bringing everyone down to the lowest common denominator (the realm of saggy physiques and fewer than 62 home runs), McCorkle wants us all to look upward towards a brighter tomorrow of universal steroid use:
“What you end up with is a situation of where the guys who are beating the test, where the guys who can afford to get a doctor to prescribe whatever they want, where the guys who have access to stuff, they have an unfair advantage already. I think we’d be pretty naive to think that every person who’s ever taken anything was caught. So I think, to me, in all professional sports, I say, let guys do whatever they want to do and be done with it. I don’t think anybody’s going to make or break their career based on steroids unless you’re talking about longevity, because to my understanding, the majority of them are used for recovery from injury.”
“There’s stuff at [nutrition store] GNC that will make you pee hot for a PED, and it’s not necessarily something that’s going to enhance your performance at all. It’s just something that’s banned.”
As an example of the madness, he said that when he was in the UFC, he was told by company officials not to take Tylenol or aspirin during fight week. He also noted that PED problems are not simply an issue in MMA, but throughout the entire sports world, and one that will likely never be fully stopped.
“I always said in the past, the only people who take steroids are the guys who like winning and money.”
As cynical as the “everyone’s doing it anyway” argument is, there is some logic behind it. Sure, if steroids were legal, it would place a burden on non-users to start popping or fall behind, but really, that’s already the case. Why maintain a situation where being a goody two shoes can get your face smashed in? A situation in which steroids were legal would make the advantages one gets from monetary wealth less significant, because designer shit that goes out of your system in five days would become completely irrelevant. People would go back to the old, cheap, generic “standby steroids” just like they’d go back to that hot but mean girl if she stitched her annoying mouth shut.
We must all remember, as MMA’s most colorful commentator (at least if we’re referring to his acid hallucinations) Joe Rogan has said, steroids are just plain awesome. I mean, who DOESN’T want to look like Sylvester Stallone when they’re 60? If we can turn MMA into ” target=”_blank”>Godzilla vs. King Kong, why shouldn’t we do it? Think of the buyrates! Whatever’s wrong with you, there’s usually a steroid that can fix it. From the picture above, it looks like McCorkle ought to ask Tim Sylvia and Cris Cyborg whether stanozolol just melts the fat away, or whether it can take away those unsightly bags of empty skin afterwards too.