So, anyone care about the World MMA Awards for 2012?

The World MMA Awards is kind of like the Academy Awards. It’s an awkward spectacle with lots of hugs and smiles, the person who actually deserves to win rarely does, and no one gives a good fuck about it. There are baffling categories such as “Best Technical Clothing Brand,” and absurd ones like “Best Promotion” – care to wager on who won that one?

Anyway, if anyone cares, this thing went down last night. After the jump, the winners with my comments shitting on them in parenthesis.

BEST TECHNICAL CLOTHING BRAND
Nominees: Bad Boy, Clinch Gear, Hayabusa, Jaco, Venum
Winner: Clinch Gear (WTF are technical clothes?)

BEST PROMOTION
Nominees: Bellator, Invicta FC, ONE FC, Strikeforce, UFC
Winner: UFC (Yeah, no shit.)

GYM OF THE YEAR
Nominees: American Kickboxing Academy, Cesar Gracie Jiu-Jitsu, Jackson-Winkeljohn MMA, Kings MMA, Nova Uniao
Winner: Cesar Gracie Jiu-Jitsu (Had two fighters suspended for drugs, one lose a title shot, and one back out of a fight with a suspicious injury – so yeah I can see Gym of the Year.)

COMEBACK OF THE YEAR
Nominees: Alan Belcher (career), Mike Swick (career), Frank Mir vs. Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira (UFC 140), Tim Boetsch vs. Yushin Okami (UFC 144), J.P. Joubert vs. Norman Wessels (EFC Africa 15)
Winner: Frank Mir vs. Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira (UFC 140) (Great comeback no doubt, but this bitch wasn’t even in 2012.)

BEST LIFESTYLE CLOTHING BRAND
Nominees: Bad Boy, Dethrone, Headrush, Punishment, TapouT
Winner: Bad Boy (WTF is lifestyle clothing?)

INTERNATIONAL FIGHTER OF THE YEAR
Nominees: Michael Bisping, Alexander Gustafsson, Chan Sung Jung, Martin Kampmann, Stefan Struve
Winner: Michael Bisping (Bisping went 1-1 in 2012, whereas Stefan Struve went 3-0, all by stoppage, and picked up two Fight Night bonuses in the process. Wanna try this one again?)

REFEREE OF THE YEAR
Nominees: Herb Dean, Marc Goddard, John McCarthy, Josh Rosenthal, Mario Yamasaki
Winner: Herb Dean (Can’t argue with the Dean, although Mazagatti should have at least gotten an honorable mention.)

SHAWN TOMPKINS COACH OF THE YEAR
Nominees: Rafael Cordeiro, Cesar Gracie, Greg Jackson, Javier Mendez, Andre Pederneiras
Winner: Rafael Cordeiro (Being a Chute Boxe fan I swing from Rafael’s bulbous jungle vine, he’s the man.)

FIGHTERS ONLY LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD
Winner: Leon Tabbs (This guy’s one of the cutmen, recently retired, in case you were wondering.)

MMA JOURNALIST OF THE YEAR
Nominees: Karyn Bryant, MMA HEAT/FUEL TV; Ben Fowlkes, MMAjunkie.com/USA TODAY; Gareth A. Davies, The Telegraph; Ariel Helwani, MMAFighting.com/FUEL TV; John Morgan, MMAjunkie.com/USA TODAY
Winner: Ariel Helwani, MMAFighting.com/FUEL TV (Fowlkes is the boss! And if Gareth Davies ever wins this I’m gonna simultaneously shit myself and spontaneously combust, which is gonna make for an awful mess.)

BEST TECHNICAL EQUIPMENT
Nominees: Everlast, Fairtex, Hayabusa, Pretorian, Venum
Winner: Pretorian (Again, no clue what this means, although if Pretorian cannot afford to send Shogun some new tights – preferably a size up – I can’t see how they deserve to win.)

SUBMISSION OF THE YEAR
Nominees: Frank Mir vs. Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira (UFC 140), Charles Oliveira vs. Eric Wisely (UFC on FOX 2), Rousimar Palhares vs. Mike Massenzio (UFC 142), Ronda Rousey vs. Miesha Tate (Strikeforce: Tate vs. Rousey), Chan Sung Jung vs. Dustin Poirier (UFC on FUEL TV 3)
Winner: Frank Mir vs. Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira (UFC 140) (Again, this shit was in 2011!)

FEMALE FIGHTER OF THE YEAR
Nominees: Jessica Aguilar, Sarah Kaufman, Sara McMann, Ronda Rousey, Miesha Tate
Winner: Ronda Rousey (Well deserved, but still by default.)

PERSONALITY OF THE YEAR
Nominees: Jon Anik, Bruce Buffer, Mauro Ranallo, Joe Rogan, Bas Rutten
Winner: Joe Rogan (Of course, and why the hell is Ranallo even on the ballot?)

KNOCKOUT OF THE YEAR
Nominees: Adam Khaliev vs. Alexei Belyaev (League S-70), Edson Barboza vs. Terry Etim (UFC 142), Stephen Thompson vs. Dan Stittgen (UFC 143), Anthony Pettis vs. Joe Lauzon (UFC 144), Brian Rogers vs. Vitor Vianna (Bellator 61)
Winner: Edson Barboza vs. Terry Etim (UFC 142) (No doubt about this. It’s not every day we see a spinning wheel kick knock a dude into next week.)

MMA MEDIA SOURCE OF THE YEAR
Nominees: ESPN, “Inside MMA” on AXS TV, MMAFighting.com, MMAjunkie.com, Sherdog.com
Winner: Sherdog.com (Clearly, the academy frowns upon dick and fart jokes.)

BREAKTHROUGH FIGHTER OF THE YEAR
Nominees: Renan Barao, Michael Chandler, Luke Rockhold, Ronda Rousey, Chris Weidman
Winner: Chris Weidman (No doubt.)

FIGHT OF THE YEAR
Nominees: Dan Henderson vs. Mauricio “Shogun” Rua (UFC 139), Michael Chandler vs. Eddie Alvarez (Bellator 58), Jake Ellenberger vs. Diego Sanchez (UFC on FUEL TV 1), Dustin Poirier vs. Chan Sung Jung (UFC on FUEL TV 3), Jamie Varner vs. Joe Lauzon (UFC on FOX 4)
Winner: Jamie Varner vs. Joe Lauzon (UFC on FOX 4) (Tough category. All are deserving, except of course Chandler/Alvarez and Henderson/Shogun seeing as they happened in 2011.)

LEADING MAN OF THE YEAR
Nominees: Victor Cui, Lorenzo Fertitta, Shannon Knapp, Bjorn Rebney, Dana White
Winner: Dana White (Cause who the hell else they gonna pick?)

RING CARD GIRL OF THE YEAR
Nominees: Jade Bryce, Arianny Celeste, Kelli Hutcherson, Brittney Palmer, Mercedes Terrell
Winner: Brittney Palmer (I wonder what the criteria is for this award.)

CHARLES “MASK” LEWIS FIGHTER OF THE YEAR
Nominees: Daniel Cormier, Nate Diaz, Benson Henderson, Jon Jones, Ronda Rousey
Winner: Jon Jones (I’m calling bullshit here. Almost got his arm broken by a middleweight and refused to fight another middleweight that he’s ten times better than. Ben Henderson is annoying and has wings tattooed on his entire back – which graduates him to unbearable, but he won a title and defended it twice in 2012.)

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