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So I just got off the phone with Randy Couture…

He said that Africa is hot, the Rock is a really nice guy, and the UFC CAN GO FUCK ITSELF! Okay maybe that wasn’t Randy Couture I was talking to. Maybe I wasn’t talking to anyone. In fact, maybe I’ve been in my cellar the past few days drinking peyote and hallucinating. That would certainly explain why this site has gone downhill the past few days, huh?

Let me just say that things have not been going very smooth over in Fightlinker Land lately. At least I’m not alone. To put things lightly, things have not been going smoothly for the UFC either. I’ve run out of creative ways to mock the UFC 78 main event, even the undercard is unraveling, HBO told them to go suck an egg, Fedor was snapped up by a mystery corporation, and now this: Randy Couture just quit the fucking UFC.

This is really amazing to me … how the fuck did Randy Couture quit? How was it even possible for him to quit? This is the UFC we’re talking about here, right? The company that writes contracts so evil and ironclad that black smoke comes out of them forming skulls. I’m flabbergasted that someone over at Zuffa thought it was a good idea to rely on Couture’s good will to stick around once he had the heavyweight belt. Probably one of those soft Fertitta dummies.

Randy’s “I quit” statement (mailed to Dana White and to The Fight Network, how about that?) mentioned the UFC’s inability to sign Fedor as a reason for leaving, plus being “tired of swimming upstream at this stage with the management of the UFC”.

Of course, you know who’s really responsible, right? Yeah. That fucking Yoko bitch Randy married. And to think I wrote a positive piece about this Judas with a vagina last week. I feel dirty and violated. It’s always like this with Randy – his last wife was such a pain in the ass about the whole MMA thing she convinced him to quit. So I guess this is a step up … this wife hasn’t gotten Randy to retire, she’s just gotten him to quit the UFC.

God fucking damn it. Women are the spawn of evil and nothing good in MMA will ever come from them being involved. It would be nice to imagine that Randy will magically show up on the new M-1 roster to fight Fedor there, but my bet is the Hollywood big bucks have lured Couture away for good. Perhaps his wife isn’t the only one to be blamed. I have to wonder if Randy hasn’t been spending too much time talking to another particular son of a bitch who left his respective organization when his movie career took off.

  • garth

    i was thinking, how else could randy have quit to make it even more devastating…like Bender breaking up with Planet Express Delivery Ship during a space battle. Maybe in the ring before he’s supposed to fight someone…that would be a big thumb up the ear-hole of the UFC.
    There’s a lot of shit flowing around under the surface here. I think the major reactions, ie, speculating what will happen to the belt, etc, are because, as you note, no one can fucking believe this happened.

    And as far as women, are you saying Gina Carano is evil?

  • ajadoniz

    Does she have a box? Case closed. I never thought about his wife having anything to do with it, but women are sneaky, sneaky like those hens from desperate house wives. i’m saddened. why couldn’t have couture been gay? or maybe a monk?

  • stellar53

    I have to agree with you……

  • ted dibiase

    Randy is just jealous he aint making Fedor money.

    let him take off for more money. hes a good actor. hes been acting like a contender for Fedor’s #1 status. oh yeah! eat shit all you jim dugan loving, USA! chanting losers. your hero is dead.

    guess you can start hoping Kurt Angle starts fighting. LMAO


  • garth

    ted: YEAH! Fedor! That M-1 belt will mean a lot!

  • garth

    anyone speak russian? Or read it, more like?

    There’s a pic of Dana White. I wonder if the Fertittas are the company that bought M-1?

  • garth

    babelfish is fucking hilarious:

    News as the minimum of week. To read is simply compulsory.

  • ted dibiase

    m1 belt?

    sounds like garth is testing the waters in the field of sarcasm. yeah its a real shame m1 doesnt have a contender like tim sylvia to challenge fedor. LMAO

    other than josh barnett, fedor doesnt have anyone else to beat.

  • garth

    M-1 has…who? Stay in Russia and don’t fight a meaningful fight again? I hope it’s different, but seriously, is Matt Lindland going to be his last win of note?

    That’s pretty sad.

  • Ruggertenthousand

    Hey Fightlinker u musta come out of the cellar ’cause I thought I was gonna read this story on this site next week…. Your shit has been as stale as 3 day old NYC Bagels…. I got an idea so this doesn’t happen in the future – plan your vacations when Luke Thomas takes his…
    Hey, I congratulate Randy. The UFC has been treating fighters like indentured servants for too long. Dana White really thinks who he is.
    With Mark Cuban and other looking to flash some serious cache, I think the UFC has to be really careful. In 2004-2005, there were sometimes two title fights on one PPV; now we have to see this Bisping chump fighting on a main event card. Even his home country fans boo’d the POS. I hope the gate and the PPV crap out at UFC 78.

  • red lobster

    This entry by Fightlinker confirms my suspicions that he is indeed a gay man who hated his mother.

  • red lobster

    This entry by Fightlinker confirms my suspicions that Fightlinker is indeed a gay man who hates his mother.