We’ve confirmed the bet Jake and I have going for the Nog / Velasquez fight. Jake in his infinite foolishness thinks Cain Velasquez is going to knock Big Nog out. I, being one to respect my elders, knows that Velasquez is pretty much built to lose to Nogueira: he doesn’t hit hard enough to knock dudes out and even though he does all his best work on the ground, scuba divers do their best work underwater but that doesn’t mean shit when a shark gets a hold on them. Nog is like a submission shark, and he’s gonna eat Cain up like a tasty Australian swimmer. All in all, I feel pretty damn good about my pick.
So what have we bet? If Cain wins, I’m going to get caned. If Nog wins, Jake gets paddled. Whatever happens, the results will be posted on Youtube and they will not be pretty. We’re not talking about some lame half-assed crap. We’re talking about an authentic full force caning with a rattan cane. As for Jake’s paddling, it will be administered in emasculating fashion, over the knee in his tighty whiteys while he is chided for being a stupid idiot.