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Staff picks for UFC 126

AUTHORS: Post yours in here, i’ll combine it into a full post on Friday noon. Keep it funny, and keep each fight to a short paragraph. We’re looking for snappy amusing thoughts, not a Leland Roling / Brent Brookhouse novel.

  • subo

    I’ll post later.  Just had to compliment the shit talking on Leland.

  • scissors61

    Alright, here we go: 

    Kenny Robertson vs. Mike Pierce: Robertson has all the hallmarks of a decent regional fighter being brought in before he’s entirely ready, and Pierce gave Smoke Break a decent fight. Pierce builds a breakfast fortress to keep the haters out and takes this one by submission in the 2nd round. 

    Kyle Kingsbury vs. Ricardo Romero: Romero was last seen slapping an armbar on one-hit-wonder Seth Petruzelli, while Kingsbury was barely able to decision perennial dumbass Razak al-Hassan before going on to defeat Jared Hamman in a fight that I never bothered to watch. I’ll take Romero via delicious, flaky choke in the first round

    “Kid” Yamamoto vs. Demetrious Johnson: I’m really tempted to take Johnson in this fight just because his name would be perfect for a pimp in a blaxploitation film, but my gut is telling me Yamamoto will TKO him in the 2nd round. It’s also telling me to get some Reese’s Cups. 

    Paul Taylor vs. Gabe Ruediger: Do I give a fuck about this fight? Hell naw. Do I still love making fun of Gabe Ruediger? Hell yeah. Paul Taylor puts the proverbial colonic hose in Ruediger’s ass for a 2nd-round TKO and serves up a win that’s as good as some tasty cake mix.

    Paul Kelly vs. Donald Cerrone: Cerrone wins this one by submission in the 3rd and gives Clint an extra something to complain about for a week or two. Yee-haw! 

    Chad Mendes vs. Michihiro Omigawa: Everybody knows if two Japanese guys are fighting on the same UFC card one of ‘em is going to lose, and I already picked Yamamoto sooo…Mendes by ‘murrican-style decision. 

    Miguel Torres vs. Antonio Banuelos: In this epic match-up of Messican-ass handlebar ‘stache vs. Messican-ass mullet   I will take the mullet by entertaining but lopsided decision. 

    Ryan Bader vs. Jon Jones: Jones will tell on you if you smoke that sweet cheeba, and Bader looks like he just got done prowling the streets of Phoenix for meth-addicted sorority girls willing to gangbang his frat brothers. None of that has any bearing on this fight, so Bones by TKO in the second round.

    Carlos Eduardo Rocha vs. Jake Ellenberger: Who the fuck is Carlos Eduardo Rocha? No, seriously, who the fuck is he? Ellenberger by TKO in the first round. 

    Forrest Griffin vs. Rich Franklin: Rich Franklin really does look like Jim Carrey, while Forrest Griffin just wishes he looked like Michael C. Hall. As consolation for losing the celebrity doppelganger contest Griffin takes a decision and gives an overly-emotional victory speech while that one guy in the do-rag cheers him on. Who is that fuckin’ guy?

    Anderson Silva vs. Vitor Belfort:  Vitor Belfort is not a roided-up felon with awesome wrestling and nasty bacne like the last guy Silva fought. Nor is he the man who will go home with the belt on Saturday as Anderson Silva notches a hype-restoring second-round TKO to retain the championship. 

  • Reverend Clint

    Kid Yamamoto vs Demetrius Johnson: Would be great to see kid do well in the UFC but if history teaches us anything it is that Japanese fighters suck in cages. Plus when he fought a competent wrestler he lost. Johnson im sure can wrestle his way out of a wet paper bag so he probably has a chance.

    Demetrius Johnson via Atom Bomb (Descision)

    Paul Taylor vs Gabe Ruediger: The other English Paul vs Cake boy… great. Both guys are coming off loses to better fighters. These guys really should be on a Fight night under card but what ever. Hard to pick one since I really don’t care too much about either so I’m going with the whiter of the two.

    Paul Taylor via TKO rd 2

    Donald “Costume Aficionado” Cerrone vs “The Shorter” Paul Kelly: This one is tough since I don’t hid my disdain for all things cowboy. With that said I pick Cerrone based on the fact that he is a better fighter, which is why they are throwing him Kelly. Cerrone has only been beaten by then current WEC Champions while Kelly has lost to Marcus Davis and the guy who called out the President. Kelly will put up a good fight but lose.

    The Gaucho via Decision

    Chad Mendes vs Michihiro Omigawa: Not sure what to nake out of this fight. Just going off fightfinder, i use wiki since sherdog can suck off a cat, it looks like Omigawa is being brought in as a can. But he is 8-1 including wins over LC Davis, Micah Miller and Nam Phan. When he was in the UFC he lost to Handsome Matt and one of the Thiagos. Chad derailed Javier Vasquez little run in the WEC. Im gonna go with my gut and say the japanese fighter loses.

    Chad Mendes via Unanimous Decision

    Miguel “Mullet” Torres vs Antonio “El Bano” Banuelos: Miguel, Miguel you seemed so unstoppable! But then you met fighters of above average ability. Antonio you are probably best known as Chuck Liddels bitch. This seems like a gimme fight for Miguel but you just never know with him anymore. With the UFC expansion in to the Latino wallet, do Mexicans use wallets?, either fight would be a boon for the UFC.

    Miguel Torres via tko rd 2

    Jon “Deforrest Kelly” Jones vs Ryan “Meinhof” Bader: This is tough to call since I’m not really on either guys balls, sorry but Jon Jones really does nothing for me. Bader looks better but neither guy has really fought any world beaters. Both have beaten guys who either should have been or have already been fired by the UFC, so not the best of the best. I see Bader taking this to the ground, he is better at wrastlin’ than Water Noggin, and grinding on Jonny.

    Ryan Bader via Humping

    Jake Ellenberger vs Carlos Rocha: Classic boring wrastler vs BJJ butt scooter… or is it? Truth be told I have little to no knowledge of either guy other than Rocha choked out a shitty TUF fighter and Jake has actually fought people. I’m gonna go with Ellenberger by domination.

    Jake Ellenberger via TKO rd 1

    Forrest Griffin vs Rich Franklin: The battle of the golden boys of the UFC. One was a cop the other a math teacher. Both have suffered the wrath of Anderson Silva, some more than others. It’s hard for me to pick since both of these guys really have no specialty, well Forrest can get punched in the face a lot. I like to watch both fighters, and yes I did watch Cyborg Soldier. Im gonna go with size for this one.

    Forrest griffin via being an actual 205 pounder

    Anderson Silva vs Vitor Belfort: This fight will be pretty tough for Rich to watch, hint he got raped by both fighters. Funny enough it all depends on who shows up. Will really old/really new Vitor show up and blast Anderson back in time? Or will the bad ass Anderson that broke noses and made men cry show up? Allah help us all if shitty Belfort and boring Anderson show up at the same time… will make Kaleb Starnes look like a world beater. Given that Vitor is untested at 185 and unreliable I’m gonna go with A-bomb.

    Anderson Silva via mostly dancing

  • subo

    Way to be punctual you FUCKS

  • scissors61



  • subo

    Oh I’m drawing this fucker out.

  • Reverend Clint

    like the time you lured that kid into your basement?

  • subo

    Whatever Clint you don’t even train

  • Reverend Clint

    your gonna make me cry now… im never going to do anything technical again since I have no proper training.

  • Grappo

    Anderson Silva vs. Vitor Belfort
    My love for Vitor is boundless, but he’s not at Silva’s level.  Depending on which Spider shows up, KO in the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th.

    Forrest Griffin vs. Rich Franklin
    This is going to be a nasty fight ending with an unconscious (possibly arm-flailing) Griffin.  Franklin by KO.

    Jake Ellenberger vs. Carlos Eduardo Rocha
    I’ve got high hopes for Rocha, but this isn’t the fight for him at this point.  Jake is going to beast him.  Ellenberger by  TKO.

    Jon Jones vs. Ryan Bader
    I can’t be objective about anyone that trains with CB Dollaway.  I have to root for their failure.  Luckily my head and my heart are in sync with this one.  Bones with the TKO.

    Miguel Torres vs. Antonio Banuelos
    This is going to be awesome.  Banuelos can take it, but I’ve got Torres rallying, probably late in the fight after the mustachioed munchkin loses some steam.  Torres by TKO.

    Donald Cerrone vs. Paul Kelly
    Kelly is the type of fighter that Cowboy eats for breakfast.  Cerrone by submission.
    Chad Mendes vs. Michihiro Omigawa
    Omigawa has racked up a string of really nice wins, but good old American wrestling is going to fuck him in his shiny hairless ass.  Mendes by decision.

    Paul Taylor vs. Gabe Ruediger
    A UFC fight that Gabe can actually win!  Rudy by submission.
    Kid Yamamoto vs. Demetrious Johnson
    I’d absolutely love to see Kid back in winning form, but it ain’t happening.  Dana and Joe Silva aren’t cutting these Japanese guys any breaks!  Mighty Mouse via an explosively athletic decision.

    Kyle Kingsbury vs. Ricardo Romero
    Kingsbury is the guy that jizzed on the sushi on TUF right? Romero by overwhelming decision.

    Mike Pierce vs.  Kenny Robertson
    Seems like Robertson’s got a good submission game, but Pierce is an unsubbable monster with a lot of experience against legit opponents in the big show.  Pierce by dominating, yet still fucking boring decision.

  • agentsmith

    My picks are wrong like 75% of the time, so I’m not sure I should even bother.  Plus scissors61 already took all the good food jokes.

  • Rodriguez

    I’ll give my “Jones is the only black guy you’re okay with your girlfriend fucking” line to someone who’s not a pussy like me. Free of charge, take it off my hands.


    Paul Kelly vs. Donald Cerrone

    Cowboy knows that he doesn’t have to worry about losing his job as long as he’s entertaining. So how do you beat a man without fear? The Kingpin and Bullseye know, but Paul Kelly is neither of them. Cowboy is gonna be like a tornado in the new big Octagon, and Kelly is gonna be his trailer park.

    Cowboy by submission, round 1.

    Chad Mendes vs. Michihiro Omigawa

    Michihiro “OMG” Omigawa dissappointed everyone with his first run in the promotion, espcially by inventing a cure for narcolepsy with Thiago Tavares in his last showing. He won’t have the judges in his pocket now that he’s back in the UFC. Expect Mendes to double leg Michi out of his corrupt Japanese safety zone and into the losers’ circle (which kinda looks like a Sega Activator).

    Mendes by 30-28 decision.

    Miguel Torres vs. Antonio Banuelos

    I swear to Superman, I am gonna kill someone at Zuffa if BOTH of these guys don’t come out to Mariachi music. Diego Sanchez doesn’t even speak Spanish and he was given a full live band at UFC 69. I believe this is the first time two Mexicans are fighting each other in the UFC. Let’s bust out our sombreros and burritos in celebration!

    Yo pienso el mexicano con la pelo divirtidos, treinta – veintisiete decisión.

    Ryan Bader vs. Jon Jones

    Confused about people’s opinion on this one. Bader’s last two opponents have victories over Jones’ last two opponents, but the general consensus is still that it will be a blowout. Hype hype hype. Will this be another David Terrell type of self-implosion or will Jones live up to being Anderson Silva and Fedor’s lovechild like everyone thinks he is? Hell if I know.

    No pick.

    Carlos Eduardo Rocha vs. Jake Ellenberger

    Ellenberger is like the Shane Stant of MMA. A guy could be going along in their career thinking they aight, that they got skills, then some guy they’ve never heard of just wrecks their stuff. You’re better off fighting a bear than Ellenberger. Yeah, you’d die just as violently, but at least you won’t be left puking in front of millions of people like you’re on “Jackass” or something (

    Ellenberger by TKO in round 1.

    Forrest Griffin vs. Rich Franklin: 

    Layoffs are a killer in MMA. A guy can’t have a 15 month gap between fights and expect to be at the top of his game. Forrest will get rid of some of that ring rust by having it knocked off courtesy of a Rich Franklin right hook. 

    Franklin by TKO in round 1.

    Anderson Silva vs. Vitor Belfort:

    There’s a game us predictors play. We look at correct guesses and say “Psh, you took the safe route, I’m soooo impressed…NOT!” Then we look at incorrect guesses and say “What an idiot, you’re the new Tomas Rios.” Since you can’t win anyway, screw it!

    Vitor by TKO in round 1.

  • subo

    No pick on Bader/Jones is the most candyass thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.  See if I dust you off and bring you out of retirement now.

  • Grappo

    My picks are wrong like 75% of the time, so I’m not sure I should even bother.


    Half the fun is bringin up how shitty your (our) picks were.

  • dulljake

    Belfort / Silva

    Silva’s been fighting scrubs, and if Vitor can bring his a-game, I think he can be enough of an aggressor to win. I’m not predicting a knockout, but I think everyone is going to lose their fucking minds when Anderson finally falls, and if anyone is going to do it, it’s Belfort-Prime.

    Belfort Decision


    Griffin / Franklin

    Forrest hasn’t been the same since the Silva fight; he’s been too busy promoting his book and generally being absent from the MMA scene to be worthy of mention. Franklin, on the other hand, seems to have grown in confidence since his destruction of Liddell. 

    Franklin via knockout in Rd3


    Bader / Jones

    Ryan Bader is a guy who is so inconsistent in the cage, you can’t recognize him from round to round. Jones, on the other hand, is a fucking machine who seems to be unstoppable. I think Bader is going to be surprised as hell once he faces him, and the shock itself will make him turtle like a bitch. 

    Jones TKO in Rd2.


    Kelly / Cerrone

    Kelly is one of those guys that’s been hanging on forever without actually doing anything to surprise you (he’s been fighting for the UFC since 2008 for God’s sake). While Cerrone seems to like to toy with guys rather than finish them, I just don’t see Kelly bringing anything to the table that we haven’t already seen before. I know the UFC likes to keep a couple middling UK guys around, but apart from that there’s little reason to bet on the Brit unless you like to lose money.

    Cerrone Decision 

    I think we should do a contest where the most wrong answers spells some kind of punishment. Make this shit interesting.  

  • subo

    ^ That only works if you a) pick the whole card and b) don’t wait almost a year before paying up on the bet

  • fightlinker

    Ya don’t have to play if you don’t want to, and you don’t have to do all the picks, just ones you got something amusing to say about

  • dulljake

    Technically if you make it based on percentage, it wouldn’t matter how many you pick. If I chose one fight and was wrong, i would have failed 100%. So it’s actually smarter to pick more fights to try and even your odds a little. Statistically you’re bound to get a few right just by sheer luck. It would only be the person with the lowest score that loses.  

  • scissors61


  • subo

    Oh man fuck this.  I can’t watch the weigh-ins first?  This is bullshit.

  • scissors61

    lolz. It certainly might’ve swayed those picking Vitor as apparently he cut 30 fucking pounds in one day to hit 185. 

  • Grappo

    lmao, what part of

    Post yours in here, i’ll combine it into a full post on Friday noon.

    don’t you understand?

  • scissors61

    You guys watchin’ that shit, though? That was one of the craziest stare-downs I’ve ever seen at a weigh-in. Anderson put on a fucking “Phantom of the Opera” mask for some bizarre reason, and then him and Vitor had a fucking epic little shit-talking session. Dana looked particularly nervous. 


  • Grappo

  • scissors61

    That’s what I’m talkin’ about! I haven’t seen Anderson get in someone’s grill like that since the Lee Murray fight back in Cage Rage. 


  • Grappo

    lol I posted this in the wrong place.

    but yeah, that definitely got me even more interested in this fight

  • subo

    Dude fuck yes.