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Staff Picks UFC 118

Joe Lauzon  vs. Gabe Ruediger

Reverend- Battle of the TUF 5 guys. Creepy Joe vs Cake Boy. J-lau has beaten a who’s who of “Hey it’s that Guy” fighters and Godzilla Gabe has been stomping his way through the regional circuit. Neither guy is really a world beater but still definite Fight Night or under card quality. I don’t remember much about Gabe other than he was a crying, cake eating, douche bag on the show but going off his record he has subs. Creepy Joe has 5 “Of the Night” awards but his 2 fight of the night awards came during loses. I expect this fight will be at the very least fun and might end up getting some kind of award.

Joe Lauzon via Unanimous Decision

Subo- The undeniable funniest moment in the history of TUF – aside from maybe that time that Hughes’ strength coach decided to spoon with a fighter that was too tired to wrestle – was Gabe’s “put me back in, B” speech from the floor of the TUF house directly outside the sauna. Gabe had been witnessed (and criticized for) chowing down on cake leading up to his fight, causing him to miss weight. He’s been on a tear lately, but none of the fighters he’s beaten have the tenacity, skill, or overall stalker factor like Creepy Joe. Also, this was fucking hysterical.

Creepy Joe via Violation of Restraining Order

Demian Maia vs. Mario Miranda

Reverend- Miranda has fought on the undercard of Fight Night: Florian vs Gomi and UFC 115 to mixed results. His first loss in his career was via TKO to Gerald Harris at said Fight Night. Other than that he has been fighting in the North West against a few decent fighters like Rick Story. Everyone knows Damian Maia as Captain Butt Scoot. This will be his first fight since the fail abortion that was Silva vs Maia. Demian takes this via being better at BJJ and more experience.

Demian Maia via submission Rd. 1

Marcus Davis vs. Nate Diaz

Reverend- The Plastic Paddy vs Formula 209. I’m not sure what this fight is supposed to prove, is it payback for Nate acting a fool or do they want him to sub out Marcus? This fight is interesting in that Nate can’t beat a wrestler which lucky for him Marcus is not and Marcus has never been submitted. I hope Marcus beats his ass for 15 minutes and Nate goes crying back to Pleasant Hill, Gracie Jiu Jitsu is not actually in Stockton.

Marcus Davis via Unanimous Decision

Subo- It would have been a crime to allow James Toney to debut on a card that didn’t feature the (arguably) most successful MMA convert from the sweet science. Now that I’ve corrected your spelling of Pleasant (a toughie, ain’t it?), I think this is a crappy match up for Nate, whom will be unable to take this to the ground and probably more than willing to enter into exchanges, in which he’ll eventually get clipped.

Marcus Davis via TKO, round 2

Kenny Florian vs. Gray Maynard

Reverend- Basically this is the fight to determine who will fight the winner of the Championship bout. Gray has been looking less like the 155 version of Jon Fitch lately but he is still a decision machine. Kenny is known as a finisher and his last decision was against Roger “Pretty Boy” Huerta, who couldn’t finish a decent fighter if he tried. Gray fought Huerta too but only squeaked out a win, mostly via better striking. Kenny is definitely the better striker with his Muay Thai background and is a better submission fighter since he has a black belt to Grays no belt. Gray really only has wrestling and Kenny hasn’t lost to a wrestler since 2006.

Kenny Florian via Submission Rd. 1

Subo- I changed “championship belt” to “championship bout” because it sounds less deranged that way. And if there is one thing that Gray didn’t do to Huerta, it’s “squeak by” – Gray owned Roger the entire night, beating him standing and almost destroying his shoulder with a nasty, nasty kimura in round three. Kenny hasn’t fought a wrestler like Sean Sherk since 2006 – he’s about to now. Sherdog is nuts for having him at #6 now, but after tomorrow, that’s right about where Kenny will be.

Gray Maynard via Flying Fucking Gogoplata

Randy Couture vs. James Toney

Reverend- The Japan-esque freak show match of the night. In the corner of all that is evil we have 237 lbs of ever expanding butter James Toney and in the corner of Right we have Randy Couture. James has a punchers chance and that’s it. Randy takes him down or against the cage and proceeds to show him why MMA is better than Boxing.

Randy Couture via submission Rd. 1

Subo- Gee, let’s get into the nitty gritty here. Let’s analyze Toney’s footwork and how it portends for Randy’s wrestling. Let’s gnash our teeth and wail about how Randy has to win, or alternately that Toney can’t lose, if the sport is to survive. Anyone comparing James Toney to Herschel Walker should be sterilized. I simply don’t have enough North Korean blood in me to do anything but pick Captain America… I really hope this isn’t the fight that sees him carried out on his shield.

Randy via RNC, round 1

Frankie Edgar vs BJ Penn

Reverend- I thought BJ won that fight but really BJ deserved to lose for even making it go all the way. He didn’t try to win which is in typical BJ fashion. Seems like he needs to be pushed into fighting and after a while he gets board. Well his losing forced Pele to light a fire under his Hawaiian ass. Frankie will probably come in the same wrestler who strikes but can’t finish. BJ is gonna wail on Frankie ala Penn vs Stevenson.

BJ Penn via TKO rd. 3

Subo- I’m assuming you were going for “wail” in the last sentence. Anyway, I don’t really hate BJ – the whole greasegate nonsense and drama rubbed me the wrong way, but eh – but I am rooting for Frankie to shut every fucking moronic MMA fan that thinks he’s boring, better suited for a weight he’s never made, or that he was gifted a decision in Abu Dhabi. I really just want to see everyone’s head explode, and this seems like it would facilitate that. Here’s hoping BJJ purple belt Frankie Edgar sticks it to everyone one more time (before losing to Maynard again).

Frankie Edgar via unanimous decision