I cracked open the newspaper en espaÃ±ol today and saw something interesting. Not Sarah Palin being eaten by fruit flys, something MMA related. By now everyone and their garbage man has heard that Roger Huerta has abandoned fighting for modeling and acting (and getting all over the 70’s chic). Well, news came today that Roger has been filming a show that will be his television acting debut. I’ve used my fantastic multi-lingual skills to translate the article for all to enjoy:
Roger Huerta Stars In New Show
Professional Mixed Martial Arts fighter Roger “The Matador” Hureta has been filming a new television soap opera for Telemundo 8: The Ocho called “El CalcetÃn y El Manguera”. The show will begin airing next month in the time slot formerly held by “El Bombero y El Mono”, which is in between current hits “Sobreviviente: México” and “Abuelo En Escuela”.
Huerta has been on set for two days already and has filmed 90% of his scenes, most of which are closeups of him pouting while sad orchestra music plays. Laura Prepon, his acting coach and TOTALLY NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND comments:
“Roger’s a natural. He’s so used to pouting while complaining about his pay that he only needs one take to get his shots.”
The producer of the show, Ricardo Franciso Jefferson de Hernandez y Garcia, tells of how things are going on set:
“Everything is great, Roger’s doing fine now. The kidnappers brought him back to the set when they found out he wasn’t that rich. Go figure. But he does everything he’s told very well. Today he’s going to film all day wearing a specially made, five foot wide sombrero. It’s the most hilarious thing you’ve ever seen, I swear to god. His co-star, Roberta Lupita Celina Salma Rosalez de Santa Anna, will have to to keep a straight face through all of her scenes with him; we have 1,400 pesos in a wooden cup that says she can’t.”
Word comes from one of Huerta’s backup dancers, which he hired because he’s quote “big time”, that he is very unhappy with his new role:
“I don’t know man, like, Roger is all, you know; yeah.”
Our janitorial spies have pointed out that Roger walks around between the set and his trailer moping:
“Something isn’t right. I can tell in his face that regret is consuming him. I’d know, I was a psychologist in Guatemala. It’s almost like he doesn’t want these roles. I don’t know if he expected to be in movies with Salma Hayek for whatever reason. Earlier I heard him say he’d ‘rather lose to Jason Thacker than keep doing this.’ Can’t see why he’s complaining though; you guys see that redhead he hangs out with? I’d drink this mop water if it meant I could too, and this is MEXICAN mop water.”
Roger declined to participate in this write up when asked to. “Why would I do that? I don’t even speak whatever gibberish you guys are saying!”, he replied before getting into an Escalade with Chinchilla fur interior.
Although his future in Mexican soap operas may be shorter than his trunks, president of “Telemundo 8: America” Tomahawk Goldstein would love to see him stay:
“Roger’s fantastic for our network. He’s everything Latino, but not. His acting ability is borderline Oscar worthy, and I’m not just saying that because he’s Mexican and I’m racist. I’m gonna make sure he has a home in the soap opera circuit for the rest of his life. We have a meeting today with Erik Estrada to make a new season of his early 90’s hit show ‘Dos?wmode=transparent” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen> “>fell down the stairs.”
[Editor’s note: The “Oscars” mentioned by Goldstein are not the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences Awards, but the Oscar de la Hoya award for Mexicans who turn their back on fighting for superfluous side?wmode=transparent” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen>